How to turn a player to a lover
by Lady.Frostbite
Summary: We found the female version of Brian Kinney and it comes to Pittsburgh Liberty Avenue. Brian is trying to win his sunshine back and at the same time, he will win a new friend. Melanie will find a new love and Justin tries to hide from his aunt. Lindsay, Michael and Debbie bashing. Ben never came to Michael's life. Take place after the bet between Brian and Bradon.
1. Chapter 1

Brian Kinney sat in his usual table at Woody's with his friends and their partners in life. Emmett Honeycutt was at over the lap of his boyfriend, Drew Boyd the famous football player and no one shakes the eyelid for the fact that a famous person was in the same room with them. Theodore _'Ted_' Schmidt spoke with his boyfriend Βlake Wyzecki, for the new job he had closed for Brian at Kinetik.

Brian will not admit it to anyone but he was proud of his new accountant and friend the course of his life. He had an experience near death, but he did not stop him from continuing his life even when he accepted the person who almost killed him back to his life. Brian was a little cautious about this issue but he saw his pro happy and did not speak.

The brunette man looked in the day-to-day addition of their group. Melanie Marcus tried to avoid the waitress who flirted with her.

After Lindsay left her for a man, it seems like Mel has had little or nothing to laugh about. The subject of a new child was what destroyed their marriage. Mel did not want another child as she was delighted with Gus but Lindsay became desperate to have another child. When she asked Brian to donate again and he refused, much to Mel's relief, Lindsay began to sleep with other men. Mel ignored the affairs for a while, deciding that if she didn't see it then it couldn't exist. And it worked fine until Lindsay got pregnant by her last affair. A man named Harrison. Mel sat down and had a meeting with both of them and asked what they wanted. Lindsay wanted to raise her child with Harrison but still wanted a relationship with Melanie. She loved them both and couldn't choose between them. Harrison, on the other hand, wanted Lindsay. So Mel decided that they should be happy together. She started separating her life from Lindsay's that same afternoon.

Lindsay didn't take Mel's simple dismissal well at all. She created all sorts of little dramas leading to a massive argument in the middle of Mel's former practice in the Great White North. After being fired, Mel decided to return to Pittsburgh.

Brian and Mel developed a tentative friendship because of Gus and decided to raise the child together while Lindsay did not want to do anything with him.

Michael Novotny continued to talk about the various issues but Brian did not hear as his eyes were stuck in the opposite table.

Justin Taylor was sitting on a chair in the opposite table. He was so beautiful and Brian wanted to kiss him, but he knew he did not have the right to do it after what he did. He pushed the sun away from him in an effort to protect himself from emotions but he hurts Justin. Next, to Justin, Molly Taylor was sitting with a big smile over her face. The two of them were so alike. They also both had matching looks of incredulity written upon their features. Features that were oh so beautiful and looked like Angel's themselves had carved them. Features that Brian adored.

Daphne Taylor the adopted sister of Molly and Justin was sitting next to Mother Taylor. After her parents killed, Jennifer found herself the guardian of Daphne. The Taylors and Chanders's family were friends for years and Latania Chandlers the mother of Daphne has trusted her daughter το the blonde woman.

It took two weeks for Daphne to change her last name to Taylor and to become the daughter of Jennifer and Tucker.

Justin smiled at the older man who was sitting next t him, making him blush. Which caused Brian to almost break his coffee cup at how strong he was clenching it, that smile should only be directed at him.

Todd Maxwell and Brandon Wolf were at the same table with Taylor's family. No one could understand who the bottom of Babylon and the new Top Stud of Babylon became friends with Justin and his family.

''I can not believe it'' commented Emmett.'' How they became so good friend?'' said a guilty-feeling Emmett. He felt bad because he did love, Justin. The blonde had become like a younger brother to him

Michael shrugged, "Who cares?"

"Yes, Justin needs to be careful," chimed in Mel.

"Who cares about that little twerp?!" exclaimed Michael as he threw his hands in the air. "All he did was take and take from Brian. Got Brian to give him a place to live, money for PIFA. But did he ever give Brian anything? NO! He left him for that fiddler."

All of them, including Brian, rolled their eyes. That rant seemed to be Michael's theme song**.**

''Holly motherfucker. She is hot'' said Melanie and everyone who heard her, looked at the door. All jaw from men and women fell to the floor looked to the woman who stood at the door o Woody.

Beautiful wasn't even a word he could use to describe her. A heart-shaped face coupled with a softly defined chin and high cheekbones gave her a regal sort of air. In contrast, her wide, baby blue eyes were the absolute definition of innocence but it was just a trick. Everyone felt as if they were staring into gems, they shimmered so vibrantly. Inky waves of ebony hair cascaded down her back, bone straight, appearing as if one could fall into its blackness. Her body presented a similarly stunning vision, but he refused to elaborate, even mentally, on the basis of propriety.

Brian raked her with an appraising look. The woman was looking around as if looking for someone. She smiled and the others followed her line of sight. She was looking straight at Justin's table. All of them looked up from their discussions and Jennifer locked eyes with the well-dressed woman.

''Heidi ''yelled Jennifer Taylor running to the woman. The woman or Heidi grinned and held her arms open as Jennifer barreled into her. Heidi held her tightly and nestled her face into Jennifer's neck. She sighed contently as the familiar scent of woods and sunshine washed over her. Jennifer's deceptively strong arms held her close and she felt safe.

Jennifer smiled brightly as he embraced Heidi. The blonde had missed her so much and was ecstatic to see her again. She couldn't wait to take her on a tour around Liberty Avenue. She had enjoyed Heidi showing her around Italy and wanted to return the favor. She was looking forward to just the two of them spending time together.

Brian and everyone in the room stood forgotten as the two of them reunited. Brian looked at the table where the blonde woman was before and he saw all the people smile. He noticed the smile over Justin's face and he had never seen him this happy even after their little reunion at Babylon.

''JT''said the mystery woman and everyone heard the softened Irish lilt of her voice.

Everyone in the Woody's was as intrigued as to who this Heidi was and to what is her connection with their real-estate agent and τhe president Green County chapter. The chapter was actually doing great things in the county. As it turned out, there were quite a few fags and lesbians in the area. They were so grateful to have someplace they could send their family for information and support. It is a very successful chapter.

Everyone seemed to stop what they were doing to observe the two, who were oblivious to the people around them. A sudden silence filled the room as the two of them they talking and Brian brow furrowed together in annoyance as he saw Justin hugging the woman, If Brian wasn't surrounded by his friends or Woody's customers he imagined he would've probably broken that embrace apart and dragged Justin away from the woman.

''Heidi, this is my boyfriend Tucker Collins. Tucker, this is my best friend Heidi O'Neil'' said Jennifer grabbed the woman's hand and walked over to the group while everyone that looked at them with curiosity, everyone could see the big smile over the face of Jennifer.

''I would make the clichéd 'hurt her and I'll make you sorry' speech but hopefully you're smart enough that I don't have to spell it out for you, "Heid said, with a measured voice.

"Don't worry, Miss O'Neil. Best behavior. Promise." Tucker responded, more a squeak than anything else.

"Call me Heidi," Heidi replied. "Miss O'Neil makes me sound like an authority figure." Jennifer snorted. Tucker's glare intensified.

''Aunt Hedi''said Molly and Danphe embracing the woman with love while Justin glared at his two sisters with jealousy.

But what shocked everyone in the room were the words that came out of Tod and Brandon mound

''Mother'' said Brandon and Todd at the same time embracing the woman while the shock was palpable in the room and Brian's jaw dropped.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mother?" mouthed Emmett as they all watched Todd and Brandon be gathered into a tight hug.

Heidi takes that time to smack her sons upside the head.

''Mother'' the two of them whines.

''Don't you mother to me'' she said standing up looking down at them.''I can not believe that you could not make a call to your mother''

Todd and Brandon looked at each other trying to find a justification. They knew that the miles that separated them from their mothers were many but they were trying every day to have a phone call with her. Heidi was worried about her sons every day but she knew the boys were in good hands, Jennifer Taylor was ann aunt for them for a long time who keep annnnn eye on them everyday especially after Justin's bashed.

''Well?'' asked Heidi.

''Mother, you're looking well," Brandon replied frostily.

"Nice of you to notice," she responded coolly before turning to Jennifer." I want coffee. What about?"

''No. I want a tea'' said Tucker.

"Why?" Heidi asked, and then he scowled as a thought came to mind. "Don't tell me that you drink that instant shit; because if you do, we need to re-educate you on what real coffee truly is."

"Actually, I don't drink coffee at all," Tucker shrugged, his nose scrunching up as she continued to stare at the coffee as if it was going to bite him.

"What?" Brandon said, giving up his staring contest with Heid in favor of looking at the other man in surprise. Something that Heidi fully understood, because really?

"How do you not drink coffee?" Heidi asked, staring at the new boyfriend of her best friend as if he'd suddenly sprouted another head. Fuck, she didn't think she could survive one day without his coffee, let alone never drink it again.

"I never cared for the taste of it," Tucker said, shrugging again, and still Heidi just was not getting it. Who doesn't like coffee? "And a lot of hot drinks make my stomach hurt; so, I don't even drink hot chocolate or cider or anything like that."

Heidi stood there, stunned. She'd never heard that before and couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of not liking coffee. It just didn't compute. Tucker just stared back unrepentantly and shrugged for a third time, sliding the cups away from him slowly.

"I think you broke her, sweetie," Jennifer joked, a smirk on her lips as she watched the interplay. She did, however, pull her tray closer to her; so, at least, Heidi knew that she could count on her for this venture."

"How does anyone not drink coffee?" Heidi asked, still not getting it. I mean, it was coffee; the elixir of the Gods. "How do you survive the mornings without coffee?"

"Trust me," Tucker snorted, a humorous light glint dancing in his eyes. "With Molly living with me and some times Todd and Brandon; waking up is not an issue in the morning. Now, staying asleep on the other hand; a much more pressing problem. Sleeping in does not happen often."

''Bullshit'' Todd and Brandon mumbled.

"Boys, Language!" Jennifer and Heidi scolded.

"Sorry," Boys said quickly.

Everyone snickered quietly, including Brian. "Whipped," Justin and Daphne whispered to each other.

"I can't even begin to fathom…" Heidi said, still caught up in the idea of someone not liking coffee. It made no sense to her.

"So, as I said," Tucker smiled "I want a beer."

"Begone, you heathen," Heidi huffed with disgust, shooing his away. "Find me another minion who appreciates a good brew."

Tucker just snorted and why Jennifer could find someone a normal person who understands the beauty of a perfect cup of coffee in the morning. How the hell can you not like coffee? It just seemed so…she didn't even have the words to say what it was. But it was a travesty, that's for sure.

And she opened her mouth to suggest just that when Todd raised his hand. Huffing, Heidi pinched the bridge of her nose and prayed for strength; if this kept up, their coffee was going to go cold before she ever got around to drinking it. Heaving a put upon sigh, Heidi looked at Todd and said:

"Yes, my son?"

"So," Todd said as he dropped his hand, a knowing smirk in his lips. "I do not want to look rude but what are you doing here?''

''Boys," was the curtly greeting she received in turn. Her viridian eyes slid from Todd to Brandon. Her features were striking. There was a youthful look to her. And she radiated so much poise and confidence. ''I want to see my two beautiful boys''

The boys decided to love their mother's school and they turned to the previous conversation with Justin,stin, and Daphne while Heidi and Jennifer chatting about the past with a glass of whiskey in their hands and everyone in Woody's others who was seated on their couch watched with curiosity and surprise.

''Behind the bar of 'Sin', every night or after a boring day at school with Victoria, Ace , Mia or Kyle sitting on the old sofas and with psychedelic music'' said Jennifer as she can still hear the music in her ears and the laughter of her best friend.

''Τhe Devil' ' they said at the same time as they remember that they loved this place.

''The Devil like..'' asked Molly

''The drug'' they said at the same time and everyone looked at them like they had lost their minds, Brian because he could not imagine aa woman like Jennifer Taylor engaging with these things.

''Once upon a time we were teenagers'' Heidi shook her head when eyes turned towards her. Some times Heidi wanted to go back to the time and be a teenager without problems and responsibilities because there were no rules.

* * *

Brian arched a brow as Cynthia rushed into his office, latte and the morning paper in hand. Both were his morning rituals also wever, the latte far superseded the news on most days. This being a Monday morning, and a busy one at that, the latter won hands down. Knowing his PA so well, Brian narrowed his eyes when he glimpsed the sheer excitement on her face. "Not now. I don't care what monumental bit of news you have to report; I don't have time for it. My latte will more than suffice."

Cynthia placed the latte in Brian's outstretched hand, knowing NOT to enter the inner sanctum without it, at the same time, laying the newspaper on Brian's desk. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Brian. You might be interested in some news in the current events."

"Highly doubtful." Brian's eyes flickered in disinterest at the morning edition of the New York Times, his mind more focused on the presentation he had to live within the hour. Rolling his eyes when Cynthia crossed her arms in front of her, knowing that she wasn't going anywhere until she delivered her news, Brian spoke in his most patronizing tone. "How long have you worked for me?" Waving her off as her mouth moved to form an answer, Brian told her, "It doesn't matter. The correct answer is - long enough to know that you don't come to me with non-essential matters on a Monday morning when I have potential clients arriving soon."

"This won't take long, Brian... and this news is huge! Opportunities like this don't come around every day. Kinetik needs to jump on this before one of your competitors does." Cynthia excitedly told her boss, having no doubt that Brian would salivate over the chance to get this lucrative contract.

Pinching the bridge of his nose in between two fingers, Brian stared at Cynthia impatiently, shaking his head as he did when he was his most annoyed. "Well, get on with it. What is this monumental opportunity?"

'Ted'' the woman yelled for the man to help her with their new client.

"Morning Bri," Ted entered the office. "I have the latest specs on that company we were thinking of picking up. O'Neil Industries is definitely looking for a new Ad agency to work with. Apparently, the CEO of the company has decided to dump Vanguard due to their overpriced, inferior work."

Brian chuckled at that. "Well, Gardner had to know it was bound to happen, since the best of the best work here. You can't beat the taste. And fuck if we're not worth every penny we charge. So what exactly do they sell other than electronics?"

The owner, Miss O'Neil, has branched the company out into the video game market. According to their return last quarter, which is public record, the movie was extremely smart and forward-thinking on her part. With one of the leading video game brands not releasing a new game outside of their current bestseller since 2001 and the other company coming out with a new system next year, she's in prime position to make a killing in the market."

"Strange that some old woman would be thinking of marketing to kids, isn't it?" Brian asked genuinely puzzled by the company's new direction.

"This isn't Miss. O'Neil's first foray into the video game market. She was the inventor of Castle I, II and III all before she sold the rights when she was eighteen, making her one of the youngest millionaires in the world, even before she inherited two multi-billion dollar corporations. I would say that she is highly qualified to take the company to the next level and if we can land the account, he'll catapult us too."

"Well I guess we better set up a meeting then," Brian said as he reached for his phone. "Cynthia, what does my schedule look like for next Tuesday?"

"So far you have John Remson flying in for next Wednesday's meeting but you're to have dinner with him on Tuesday night. After the Remson meeting, you're supposed to fly out on Wednesday night for the meeting with Brown Athletics on Thursday."

"Wait- why am I flying out to meet with Leo Brown? I thought it was his turn to come here."

Cynthia sighed. Brian was notorious for these kinds of questions. "It was but remember he broke his leg when he slipped on one of his wife's pearls while they were dancing?"

Brian chuckled at that. He remembered that it had taken everything in him not to laugh while Leo's secretary was on the phone relaying the news. However, she had no such qualms about the slight chuckles which escaped her during the call. "It's no problem, Cynthia. I'll be on the flight and in Chicago in time for the meeting. In the meantime, I need you to get Frank in here. We're going after the O'Neil account and I want my best on this."

Hearing footsteps behind them, Cynthia turned and then smiled and then smiled genuinely at Heidi as she held out her hand to the woman. HMissMisss very nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you''

''With her patented tongue-in-cheek smirk Heidi accepted her offered hand graciously.''Since you haven't run screaming from me I'm guessing you were treated to the much tamer stories, which is a shame because I'm sure you would have enjoyed the much more adult version instead''

Cynthia laughed with delight. Oh yeah, she was really liking Heidi O'Neil, she was one of a kind.''

And after that, Heidi look at the man standing next to the secretary and to tell the truth the man it was dangerously handsome with his brown hair and brown eyes but in the eyes of man there was war and anger, there is something dangerous to the man and she drew her attention.

Heidi gave him a fake smile and pulled out her hand for a handshake saying. 'Heidi O'Neil''

''Brian Kinney' 'He said took a hold of her hand and kissed it lightly.

"You're Brian Kinney?" she asked.

"That's what I'm told," he replied cautiously.

"I thought you'd be nicer," Heidi wrinkled her nose. The look on Brian's face, one of disbelief and complete bafflement was enough to make Cynthia wish she had a camera in her hands.

''If I was straight I would fuck you''

''Brian,bbehavehia hissed as she elbowed her boss painfully in the ribs. He liked Heidi and she didn't want to scare her off so she surprised when the woman merely laughed.

A bright smile and faint blush appeared on Heidi's face.''Ever been fucked by a dike with a dildo?''

Oh yes, Brian truly was falling for this woman.

''Is that an offer?''

The woman laughed at the man's words and knew she had found the perfect man for the job. She knew from research that the up and coming ad agency had several CLIO awards under their belts from the last four years, beating out several New York firms and Vanguard Agency as well. She could almost understand how and why that had happened. Gardner Vance was a man with very little vision of what today's market actually looked like. Sadly that transferred itself down to his staff as well. Her grandfather had used Vanguard for years before Heidi inherited the company. The sales weren't bad, per se, but there was always room for improvement. And if Heidi was nothing else, she was an overachiever. She was the best at what she did and expected the same of everyone who worked for her; nothing else would do.

Brian's brows furrowed. "Did we have an appointment?" he asked puzzled.

Heidi shook her head and smiled ruefully. "No," she admitted. "But I was in the area and took a chance that you could see me for a few minutes. Are you available for some shop talk?"

"So…..what's on your mind, Miss O'Neil?" Brian asked him curiously. He was curious to know why the aunt of Justin wants to speak with him. This client would bring him a lot of money but hoped not to kill him because he hurt her nephew.

His hopes sprung to fruition Heidi smiled back at him to say, "Well, unless you've changed your position in certain other areas…I'm ready to launch a new advertising angle for my business."

The man looks into the blue eyes of the woman that looked like with a specific blonde. Brian hadn't heard from Justin in days. He had wanted to call but wasn't sure what he would say even when he did talk to him again. After Rage's party and Ethan.

Brian had been angry but he wasn't anymore. He still felt overwhelmed and upset thinking of Justin being with Ethan. It made his skin crawl. The thought of the man's hands and mouth touching Justin filled him with emotions he couldn't quite sort out. He felt possessive and jealous. He never had been one to share his toys and Justin would always be his favorite toy. He meant that in the best sense of the word but knew better than to express that particular thought aloud. He could almost hear the lecture from the blonde if he did.

Brian found himself smiling as he thought about the rant Justin would throw himself into at the thought of still being a toy to the man. He missed Justin. He knew he needed to call but once again came back to the same problem. What would he say? How could he possibly make him feel better about what was ahead of him? Pulling in front of the loft he decided to hit Babylon. He needed to forget. He needed to get Justin out of his mind. He needed to fuck and not feel.

"Mrs. Kinney?" He was abruptly jolted back to the present situation, a little mortified that he had zoned out temporarily in front of a client. Justin had a way of doing that to him, though.

"I'm sorry," he apologized with a sheepish smile. "I had something on my mind. You were saying?"

Heidi nodded, unaware of just what Brian had been daydreaming about. "I was saying that I'm ready to take my business to a global scale. I'm ready to branch out into an international operation."

Brian smiled in delight; this new campaign could prove to be lucrative indeed. "Congratulations," he said smoothly. "That's great."

* * *

Entering the loft he picked up his phone. Dialing Mikey's number, Brian waited for the other man to answer.

"Babylon is calling me." He said smiling.

"Then we should answer," Mikey replied. "See ya there." Brian smiled. In a matter of hours, he would be lost in drugs, alcohol, and bodies. He would bury his problems in someone else's body. He needed some pain management. Slipping on his black sleeveless shirt and leather pants he glanced in the mirror. It was only a matter of time and all the pain would go away


	3. Chapter 3

Your grandfather would NEVER agree with your met with a man like Brian Kinney," the older man spat venomously at the woman.

Heidi smirked before he made the statement he was sure to piss Arnold off. "I'm sure that's why my grandfather had the forethought to leave the company to ME and not YOU. Kinetik is a forward-thinking company and although we at O'Neil Industries are steeped in tradition, we also have become a company that thinks outside of the box. So we're at an impasse, I guess."

"He was supposed to leave it to your father, Heidi."

"But he didn't, Arnold. So now that we've established for the millionth time that my sperm donor was passed over in the inheritance line, we can move on to business. Now if you'd like to keep your job, I'd advise you to shut up and accept what is, and not what you want. Anyone else?"

Heidi looked around noticing the others who looked as if they wanted to say something but didn't dare. She and her grandfather had talked before he passed away and although no one else knew the reason why her father Devon O'Neil was passed over, Heidi did. The man was a bigot. The funny thing about Arnold wanting Devon in charge was that the older man was a closet case of the first order. The only other people who knew that were Devon and Grandpa O'Neil since he and Arnold were best friends. Had Arnold had his way, Devon would have fired the man without good reason or severance pay, but Arnold didn't need to know that.

Continuing on with the meeting, and looking every now and again at Arnold's fuming face, Heidi explained the new track the company was entering. With the video game market booming, it was in O'Neil Industries' best interest to grow with it. The fact that most units also offered live-streaming worked to their advantage as well. Although their electronics line remained high-end, they could afford to stretch their imagination and invest in a method of longevity for the company and that was not based on televisions and stereos alone. She listened as Margaret Covington- a really old name for someone only forty -one. She had taken to calling her Maggie the Magpie but in a good way. She was his accountant and kept people like Arnold from squawking at him at every turn.

"Hedi, the new market strategy you came up with is ready. Everyone, I included a copy with the other portfolios for the meeting. It's the red folder." Once she was assured that everyone found the correct item she began. "From the layout and the beta testing which cost only a fraction of what we're looking to spend on advertising..."

"...And just how much are we spending on advertising?" Arnold asked in his surly voice. If there was any other way, Heidi would have him removed from the board while he would still be able to keep his job. But his grandfather's instructions in terms of his best friend were clear.

Gritting his teeth and swallowing hard before answering, Heidi managed to be civil when she spoke. "We're spending a quarter of a million dollars on advertising to start."

"That's preposterous! Your grandfather..." Arnold raised his voice in protest.

"Is NOT HERE; he died in case you've forgotten," Heidi yelled back. The room grew silent immediately, each member of the board afraid to move or breathe out of rhythm for fear that the usually-patient and gracious young man begin to hand out pink slips. Most of the staff and Board members had learned early on that Heidi O'Neil was not a man to cross or question. She was as decisive in her decisions as his grandfather before her and she had no problem displaying her authority when warranted. And this was one of those times. Heidi cleared her throat again and took a calming breath before looking at her grandfather's oldest living friend again. Making sure to hold Arnold's eyes captive and letting every ounce of cold and controlled fury she felt show through her own, she began speaking. Her volume was so low, that all of the occupants of the room leaned forward in their chairs to hear her but there was no mistaking her words. "Understand this. My grandfather knew what the plan was before he died and left this company to me. So this is not as out of the left-field as you would think, Arnold. In any event, if you can't get with the new program and regime around here, you will find yourself tossed out on your ass. I will not be harassed, bullied, undermined and any other action you can think of to get me to do what you think I should. In the grand scheme of this company and the new direction we are moving in, your old ways and ideals do NOT matter. One more outburst from you in this regard and I will ban you from all further meetings. The next step from that will be out the door with only half of your pension intact. This is the last warning you are going to get and this is only out of respect for my grandfather's memory and your age. Maggie, please continue."

"Sure, Heidi," she said, hiding her smile within her folded lips. She really couldn't stand Arnold either. Since she was a third-generation accountant for the O'Neil and their respective businesses, she knew all about what Arnold was planning to do behind Heidi's back and she wasn't having any of it. His ultimate plan was to force Heidi into turning over the company to Devon, who he felt he could manipulate. He didn't agree with the fact that the first thing Heidi did when he took over as CEO of O'Neil Industries was to fire Devon after finding out that he was embezzling company funds to keep his mistress in style within a New York penthouse with an unlimited spending account. As his accountant, Maggie took great pride in the knowledge that she had saved Heidi's inheritance- something her own father wouldn't have done since he was loyal to Devon. She continued with her comments before Arnold had interrupted. "Honestly Heidi, if we're going to spend this amount of money in the advertising, the company really can afford to go all out for it. Brian Kinney used to be a partner in Vanguard Agency before he quit due to a difference of opinion with Gardner Vance. It wasn't a slight or impulsive move on his part. He didn't agree with taking on one of the high-profile clients and Gardner had told him that if he didn't he was fired. Due to being ethically and morally outraged, Mr. Kinney decided to quit. The good news for him was that there was a discrepancy within his contract that alluded to the situation; that Brian could not be forced to work with any client in which the business relationship was not conducive to the growth of the company. Since Brian couldn't work with the client in good conscious and wouldn't renege on that, Gardner had to buy Mr. Kinney out of his contract and the latter used the money to start Kinnetik."

"Out of curiosity, how much was letting Brian Kinney out of his contract worth?"Heidi was dumbfounded by how much Maggie knew about Kinney and Kinetik. Well, the man sure isn't dumb.

"The contract stated that if Mr. Kinney was to be bought out of his partnership, he would receive seventy-five percent of all the accounts he'd brought in. Mr. Kinney brought in ninety percent of Vanguard's total accounts four years ago."

"Holy shit!" Heid whispered. "Kinetik is a multi-million dollar company. I always wondered how it was able to reach that status in so short a time since it's still relatively new."

"I'm on pretty good terms with the CFO of Kinetik. Ted Schmidt was my mentor during my internship at Wertschafter's Accounting. He and I haven't lost touch. On an even more personal note, I think we would be fools not to go with Kinnetik." At Arnold's look of contempt, she decided to remind him that she owned more stock than he did in the company. "It's a move that Mr. HA would have approved and as a _major_ shareholder, I also do." That ought to calm Mr. High-and-Mighty Turncoat Scheffield down. Heidi Allison O'Neil, the current CEO's grandfather would have wholeheartedly approved of a man like Brian Kinney in more ways than one. But that last thought she would keep to herself. Smiling inwardly she watched as Heidi digested the information she'd given on paper and her personal thoughts. That was one of the things she loved about Joseph and Heidi- they never discounted her opinions or her business acumen the way Arnold and Devon often did.

Heidi filed away that piece of information for a later time, thinking that he would certainly have other questions about it. "Are we done with the new business for O'Neil Industries for today?" she asked her assistant.

"We're okay for this meeting, Heidi," Mark Evans answered. When Heidi took over as the CEO of O'Neil, he had called Mark in to act as his assistant. They hadn't seen each other for many years prior but had kept in touch especially after Heidi sold the rights to Castle. Although that was Heidi's baby, the blond had paid Mark a hefty sum for the idea which sparked it. "Next on the agenda is Winston Inc. and then the call with Microsoft."

Heidi rolled her eyes but honestly, he was enjoying herself. There weren't many twenty-somethings that could say they were in charge of two multi-billion dollar companies and still receiving residual income from a business venture that had been thought up in his teens. Just like O'Neil's, Heidi had inherited Winston Inc. from his maternal grandfather, Matthew. Originally it was supposed to go to her mother but after she married Devon, it was mandated that the company go to the first-born grandchild which just happened to be Heidi. "Am I scheduled to go over to the building or are they coming to me today."

* * *

Justin ran a hand through his hair and slowly walked out of the building, beyond exhausted, but not yet ready to call it a day. If he went home, he'd end up falling onto his bed and falling asleep, and then he'd be awake all night again. And he really couldn't afford another night without sleep. Not with the school heating up, working long hours at the diner and then yet more hours at the art store.

He will say this though, at least with working at the art store, he didn't work the diner until well after dinner and that meant avoiding Brian and his entourage before they headed off to Woody's to suck and fuck the night away. Not that he was looking down on that choice; after all, if he'd had the energy, he'd do the same. But he could barely move after a day of classes followed by one, if not two jobs; so, fucking someone wasn't even an option at this point in time.

Slinging his bag over his neck, Justin smiled at the hottie that had been staring at his ass the entire time he'd been walking behind him and turned the corner. Well, at least he knew he still had it, even if he wasn't currently benefiting from it. Although, maybe… Justin looked over his shoulder at the guy contemplatively. He was gorgeous and it had been far too long since he'd gotten his dick sucked. Maybe he should hit that and see if he's interested in a bit of fun for one night. He did have a day off coming up this Friday.

Turning around he started walking towards hottie photographer, where he'd laid down on the grass, and fuck if he didn't look good. Licking his lips he met hottie's eyes and smiled, the one that he knew had many a man drooling as he made his way through Babylon. There were benefits to being Brian's favorite boy toy; every man in that club knew that he'd learned from the best, and every single one of them would give his left nut for a taste of that skill. Was that a bit of arrogance on his part? Maybe.

But it wasn't like it wasn't deserved.

Hottie returned his smile and fuck; that was a mouth he couldn't wait to have wrapped around his dick, and definitely an ass he'd like to fuck. Hell, if the guy's cock was worth it, he might even let him have a go at his. He wasn't picky at the moment. And well, it wasn't like he had to worry about the rules anymore, spoken or unspoken – like the one where Justin could fuck anyone he wanted so long as he realized his ass was Brian's.

The blonde guy sighs and wondered why he could not be like his aunt. Heidi O'Neil was a knockout. 5'7, long blonde hair, blue eyes, slender and sultry and wicked. She had to be around thirty-nine by now and she carried every year like an added brand of power, only something to increase her beauty because what she'd once lacked in experience she had in spades to match her ambitions. She was dangerous. Justin's couldn't forget that. She was a man that loved to be admired, She loved the attention, She loved when people gave her the attention that she wanted and when she wasn't getting it, things got-Rough.

Heidi entirely rejects the concept of heteronormativity, including being against all marriages and monogamous relationships. Sleeps with a different woman every day and does not care if she hurts anyone but she's a caring person (deep down, anyway)Heidi cares deeply about the people around her. That matters. He always thinks it's always been there, even though it has emerged more to the viewer over time. It's always been in there in Heidi's mind.

Let's face it: She's witty too. Heidi 's very funny. Sometimes Justin feels like she holds herself in high esteem but has a sense of humor about that fact.

She is great at what she does. Heidi's cocky, but she knows she's cocky. Deep down inside, she doesn't think she's more worthy than anyone else. That said, she does think she's better at s- than most people. Justin likes that about her. Ultimately, she's competitive - and maybe she's too competitive? - but she doesn't want to ever back down.

Justin loved his aunt but one thing he could not understand for her: Why not could love?

_Because love is a weakness. It feels real now, at the start it alwaysdoes,, but it's an illusion. It fades and then you're left with nothing._

_I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking._

It was a terrible day when he heard these words go out of his old lover's mouth. He knew he had found the male version of Heidi O'Neil but this quote was got his shit out of him.

Justin shook that from his mind and was nearly right on top of a ie when he heard a voice calling behind him, instantly making him freeze. Fuck. Why the fuck did this always happen? Did he have a fucking sixth sense for this kind of thing? Huffing and aggravated breath, Justin smiled apologetically and waved at the right on walking because like fuck was he going to get into it with Brian here.

"Justin," Brian called again, a note of annoyance entering his voice.

Well, too bad for him. Let's see how he likes it when someone ignores his desires in favor of their own. Justin kept right on walking, internally smirking when Brian growled behind him and quickened his steps. Justin was tempted to do the same, but he wouldn't give Brian the satisfaction in thinking he was running away from him. Even if he sort of was. Besides, how often could anyone say that they had the Great Brian Kinney chasing them?

"Justin!" Brian yelled again, and Justin definitely smirked at the growing irritation in his former lover's voice at that time.

Yeah, it was petty as fuck, but honestly, he felt that after everything that he'd put up with over the past two years, all the times he'd been shunted aside, all the time Brian shat on his wants and desires and feelings, all the times Brian has built him up only to pull the rug out from under his feet, he deserved a little comeuppance. Justin will never deny all that Brian has done for him; he could be a truly amazing man when he felt like it or when he allowed himself to be. And he has had Justin's back numerous times and he's not denying it,ththeyust come you get tired of fighting for something or someone that doesn't seem to want to be won.

"Don't you ignore me, you little shit," Brian hissed, grabbing Justin by the arm and turning him around. And damn, he hadn't realized that Brian was that close.

Justin stared up into blazing, fucking gorgeous eyes and steeled himself from falling into them once again. Because even as annoyed as he was, Brian Kinney had always been hot as fuck and owned more than a little of Justin's heart. He didn't need to get lost in those eyes, only to have Brian pull another Rage incident, leaving his heart shattered on the floor once again. He had more pride than that.

"Or what? What are you going to do about it?" Justin challenged, looking Brian straight in the eye, more than a little pissed himself. Brian looked surprised for a moment at his vehemence but quickly covered it up. Justin sighed. "What do you want, Brian?"

* * *

In law, while developing case histories with critical raw data being fed through the organizational information net, one learned to try and avoid forming blind spots.

Blind spots originated from many different things, most of which were a combination of both factual content and false assumptions. Personal taboos got enmeshed into the overall culture of the firm. Biases formed when information appeared which went against individual expectations. Raw data filtered through the organizational net sometimes got altered to a fundamentally deviant form by the time it reached the information pool. All of this contributed to the blind spot phenomena. If not caught early, it affected the ultimate direction the case proceedings took.

Melanie realized real life was not much different from case history strategizing because she tended to form blind spots in her personal views all the freaking time.

She supposed it was evidence of her humanity. She was flawed, she had biases, she harbored fears. Combine that with a mélange of real-life experiences and fears germinating only in her subconscious, and you had a surefire recipe for forming tunnel vision and blind spots.

She'd always had strong opinions and she'd always clicked with people with strong opinions. That was one of the reasons why she'd fallen for Lindsay in the first place. They'd been together for sixteen years now—in love and pain and ecstasy and marriage and breakups and reunions and fallouts.

And that's how long she'd known Brian Kinney.

He'd exasperated her from the first sight. He was too arrogant, too overconfident, too selfish, and too much of a smart ass to be worthy of her trust. He took too many risks and all too often directed the lives of everyone around him like they were puppets on a string. He was irresponsible and hideously smug about his notorious exploits with no evidence of regret ever over any of his wrongdoings.

She then looked over at her watch and saw that it was time for lunch with Emmett. Turning around she almost bumped into Heidi O'Neil.

"I'm so sorry-" she began but she cut her off.

"Don't apologize, it was totally my fault" Heidi excused herself while placing a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. Heidi smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Brian stared at him, studying his face and body for a long drawn out moment, his face unreadable; but he could tell that he was worried about something judging by the crease between his eyes. Although, what exactly had him on edge, Justin couldn't figure out.

"Want to explain to me why my payment for your tuition was returned?" Brian asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Really? That's what this was all about? Because Justin told them to reimburse his tuition? Or not really told them to, but it was a consequence of being able to pay for it himself. Of all the…Justin just shook his head, not quite believing that Brian came all this way just to confront him on his tuition. But he doubted Brian would ever voice the real reason; so he used this as his reason.

"I didn't need it," Justin shrugged, nonplussed.

And for some reason that seemed to rile Brian up even further; Justin just stared at his former lover and tried to make sense of why this was happening.

"Oh, what," Brian spat, a sneer his face as he said one of his taboo words. "So, your little boyfriend is suddenly able to support you? Did he hit it big in the lottery; or maybe he raked in more money than I thought to busk? His little street performances pull in more people than expected recently?"

Justin shook his head, completely confused by what he was talking about; although, he was starting to get a clue based on a few things Brian had said.

"What boyfriend?" Justin asked; because really, he would think that he would have noticed having a boyfriend. For one thing, his dick would have been getting sucked a hell of a lot more often than it had been lately.

"Not that it's any of your business, but Ethan is just a friend," Justin asked incredulously, staring Brian as if he'd grown another head.

"Yeah, a friend you kiss on the mouth." Brian spat, getting angry once more; Justin snorted – hadn't he just been talking about hypocritical assholes with double standards?

"Oh, you mean like you and Mikey?" Justin scoffed, arching a brow and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you saying I should have been more concerned about that?"

"Mikey and I are different," Brian huffed, flushing a bit when Justin called him on his bullshit.

"I do so love the double standards you hold, "Justin said with a sardonic twist to his lips; he places one hand on his hip and gestured with the other. "One set of rules for you and one set for the rest of us mere mortals. It's rather arrogant, don't you think? The way you set yourself above the rest of us and we're just supposed to fall in line because you're Brian Fucking Kinney."

"Mikey said…" Brian began, suddenly looking a bit more wrong-footed; but Justin didn't let him finish the thought.

"Yeah, well when it comes to me, Mikey knows shit," Justin snorted, shaking his head at his former lover. "Wake up, Brian. Michael has wanted me gone from day one and he's never made a secret of it. Not even to you. And you, you just feed right into it by never saying a fucking thing when he gets on one of his Brian Kinney rants."

"Why argue with the truth?" Brian asked, arching a brow, his face completely blank.

"And that is why I left," Justin said, pointing at Brian, a scornful smile on his face. "But for the sake of curiosity, what did Michael say? Better to find out from you what everyone is whispering about on the streets than someone who will embellish it. At least you'll stick to the facts. Well, the truth as Michael sees it anyways; which frankly, I don't hold in much regard."

"He said he saw you and the fiddler kissing; that you seemed really into it. That you cheated on me." Brian said in a bored tone, a bland smile on his face as if he were talking about the weather or some other platitude. But why bring it up if that were true?

"Cheated on you," Justin said slowly as if testing the words out and then scoffing. "That's an interesting word, isn't it? Cheated. You know, if we were to take that word at its purest meaning, you did that to me every single night you went out tricking. But of course, we'd have to actually be in a relationship for that to be true. Another of those words you so love to hate. And since you would never agree that what we had was a 'relationship,' how exactly would that have been cheating on you?"

"It broke the rules," Brian said, again with that infuriatingly bland smile. Where the fuck did he get off questioning Justin when he could easily fuck three guys night and then come home and expect Justin to just roll over and fuck him as if it were nothing.

But fine, he agreed to the rules, and he didn't even really care about the actual tricking. In fact, he liked tricking. He just hated when the asshole rubbed it in his face, like fucking Zucchini Man. All because the asshole was a jealous queen who wanted a go at Brian and mocked him for not tricking as often as possible; because God forbid he was taking care of a traumatized man who could barely walk out the door without cringing.

"Ah, well, that's an entirely different matter, isn't it?" Justin said with a thin smile; he shrugged. He couldn't really argue with that. He did kiss Ethan after all and it was a no-no as they'd agree not to kiss anyone on the mouth. So he'd concede the point. "Fair enough; I suppose that; yes, that was breaking the rules." Justin paused, but before Brian could get too smug, he continued. "I contend that you broke the first. After all, the rule was, 'you don't kiss anyone on the mouth, but me.' Nowhere in that statement did it exclude Michael."

"We were talking about tricking," Brian said, but it was a weak argument at best because the wording was clear. And Brian had broken that numerous times. "Michael is just a friend."

And now we get back to this first point.

"Then I'm not seeing the problem here," Justin shrugged. "As I said, Ethan is a friend. I mean, you were the one encouraging me to go out and find friends my own age, weren't you? I met him at the concert Linds and Mel took me to; saw him again at school. I suppose we did fuck once, so there is that. But, that still falls into the rules."

"Yeah, and what about the no names or numbers rule?" Brian pointed out, determined to win back some ground.

And again it was one of those things that he had to concede broke the rules in away. He did know Ethan's name when he fucked him, but there were extenuating circumstances. It was a little difficult not to have known his name given how they met.

"Yeah, okay," Justin said, but then set out making that very point. "I'll give you that one. However, I did meet him at a concert; where the performers were announced by name and I did get a program that also listed the names of the performers; kind of hard not to know it. And technically, he doesn't have my number; or at least, he didn't at the time. We just kept running into each other. But I'm sure you'll just see this as my justifying my so-called poor behavior, so I'm not sure why I'm bothering to explain anything to you."

"He still said you were into it," Brian pointed out, and that seemed to be the real sticking point to him if he was bringing it up again. "That doesn't sound like a friend to me."

And seriously, what the fuck? Where was Mikey getting this information? Because really, it sounded like Mikey was spending a little too much time in his business and that was starting to creep him out. He'd just gotten rid of Ethan; he didn't need another stalker.

"What, was he spying on me?" Justin demanded incredulously. "Because I usually see Ethan at school; and, as far as I know, Michael has no reason to be at PIFA."

"He said something about putting up flyers," Brian muttered, looking away as if he realized that Michael's obsession with what Justin was doing was a bit odd as well.

"Ah, that," Justin said, things become all too clear now; fucking Mikey. Saw something he didn't understand, because nuances aren't something that he does, and then running off to tell Brian that his little fuck buddy was getting some on the side. Whatever.

"Yes, that," Brian said, his aggravation renewed with Justin's apparent dismissal.

Justin just shook his head, not even believing that they were having this conversation. He seriously just wanted to sit down and laugh at the absurdity of his life.

"It's interesting isn't it?" Justin said a mirthless smile on his face.

"What's interesting?" Brian asked, a bit confused by the shift in Justin's tone.

"How things look through the scope of your own experiences," Justin said, a bitter laugh spilling over his lips because really, this whole entire thing was ridiculous and wouldn't even be happening if Brian would just fucking wake up and admit that Michael had a fucking hard-on for him; and has since they were fourteen. "Michael said that I 'seemed to be into it,' whatever that means. And I don't doubt he saw exactly what he wanted to see. But didn't it ever occur to you that maybe he might just be projecting?"

"Projecting what?" Brian said, his face instantly closing down; and bullshit. Bull. Shit. He knew exactly what Justin was driving at, but refused to acknowledge it because then he'd have to face the fact that his best friend did the things he did because he was a jealous twat hoping for more than that unfinished hand-job and that he himself fed on it.

But not this time; he was tired of the Mikey and Brian Show being slammed repeatedly into his face, and is expected to put up and shut up. No fucking way.

"Come on, Brian," Justin huffed, shaking his head disdainfully. "Don't play stupid; it isn't becoming of a man of your intelligence. And it certainly does a disservice to me. I am neither blind nor stupid; I know that Michael wants you. And when you kiss Michael, it sure as hell doesn't come across as 'we're just friends,' no matter what you might tell yourself. Michael has always thrived on that. He takes that and stores up all those little nuggets of affection, and every 'always has and always will' and uses them to justify the way he treats me and any others that enter your sphere. Because in his eyes, we are nothing, and you will never love anyone but him. So, of course, when he sees me kissing a friend on the mouth, I must be as into it as him and thus, I'm cheating."

Brian didn't say anything, just studied Justin with a frown.

"But whatever," Justin continued with another shrug. "I went into this with my eyes open. I knew that you tricked and I knew that you and Mikey had this weird, little codependent friendship thing going on. So, I'm not the one people should feel sorry for."

Justin shifted his bag, just getting started because really? This shit had been building for a while and he was tired of biting his tongue on things that needed to be said.

"No," Justin shook his head with a sad smile; looking over Brian's shoulder because he couldn't look into his face and continue otherwise. "The ones I feel sorry for are David and Ben. Because both of them genuinely loved? Love? Michael and wanted a long-lasting, heart and flowers, eventually leads to a marriage relationship with Michael, and he acted like he wanted the same thing too. Plying them with the just-right words, chasing them down when they wised up and reeling them back in, only to once again be slammed in the face with the Brian and Mikey Show."

Justin paused, and looked at Brian, wondering if he had anything to say; But Brian continued to remain silent, his expression wooden. And Justin couldn't tell what he was thinking anymore, which was kind of sad. At one time, he would have been able to read Brian Kinney like the back of his hand. But lately, his vision had become cloudy, or maybe it was just that he'd been forced to grow up and no longer saw things through rose-colored glasses. But, whatever it was, he knew when he was beating his head against a brick wall, as he had been the last couple of months, and enough was enough.

"But here's what really happened," Justin said when it became obvious that Brian was going to, once again, leave him emotionally hanging. "I met Ethan at the concert. I went up to him and congratulated him on a job well done, and told him that I'd enjoyed his performance. Because while I'm not usually a fan of classical music, it warranted it."

Brian shifted on his feet, garnering Justin's attention; he looked over and found a funny expression on Brian's face. He tried to decipher what it might mean but gave it up as just another headache he just didn't need at this point.

"I met him later at school, where he tried to charm me with some 'if I were your boyfriend, this is what I would do' bullshit" Justin continued with a mirthless grin. "He was cute and funny, and a genuinely nice person. We fucked; it wasn't bad. Not great, but fun and, well, we both got off, so no complaints."

Brian scowled, and Justin had to fight back the urge to roll his eyes; you know, for someone who didn't do jealousy, Brian sure as hell did a great approximation of it at times. Because this; it reminded him of when he danced in the King of Babylon contest.

"When I was out with Michael, hanging up flyers, he came up to me and tried to convince me that he'd be a better option for me than you," Justin laughed, but it was a bitter thing at best; because honestly, he wished that he'd felt something other lukewarm feelings of attraction toward Ethan. It was nice to be wanted by someone who didn't feel the need to fuck every hot guy in Pittsburgh. "He kissed me. And I'll admit that, yes; I enjoyed it. The idea of someone wanting me, and only me, was intoxicating. I briefly considered it."

Brian's scowl deepened; Justin shook his head. Why was it okay for him to be all bent out of shape because someone wanted Justin as more than a quick fuck, but Justin had to put up with Michael's bullshit every day without a word? Justin could tell him why. It all comes down to double fucking standards.

"I turned him down," Justin said, impatiently pushing his hair out of his eyes; he couldn't help feeling angry with himself for feeling this way. "Because you see, the biggest problem with Ethan is, while he is sweet and funny, and charming, and cute; he wasn't you. And he will never be you. As fucked up as it is, I love you and I can't seem to stop."

Brian looked away, but not before Justin saw a flash of something that looked suspiciously like triumph or delight or some sort bullshit in his eyes. Not that it'd do Brian much good, as he had no intention of walking that path with him in the current climate. If Brian wanted him in his bed, he was going to have to admit that he was more than just the 'guy he fucked more than once.'

"So, we became friends instead," Justin said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I set him up with another classmate, who is also a music student and is much more suited to him; and that's it. End of story. Of course, you never bothered to ask me because obviously, Mikey can do no wrong."

"And at the party?" Brian asked, his body language guarded, but a lot less hostile.

"I invited him and his boyfriend to come," Justin shrugged, looking away from Brian, and smiling when hottie was still watching him; especially when Brian glanced back to see who he was looking at and scowled. It did Justin's heart good to see those little flashes of jealousy, even Brian would never own up to it. "Unfortunately, his boyfriend got a last-minute gig and couldn't make it. He came in just after I found you fucking Rage."

Justin smile sarcastically.

"You know after you so charmingly told all of our friends that you urgently needed to see me," he said, feeling a moment's triumph when Brian looked away, a dull flush in his cheeks. "I told him what happened. He kissed me to comfort me. You know, like you and Mikey do all the fucking time. But like I said; double fucking standards. Again, you didn't bother to find out what was going on; you just assumed. So, I left. Frankly, I was tired of being thrown off the Kinney Cliff."

They stared at each other for a long moment with Justin arching a brow as if to ask if there was anything else Brian needed to know since he was here. Brian seemed to struggle with something, almost like he was having an internal argument with himself.

"Where are you living?" Brian finally blurted out, and then looked annoyed with himself for actually asking the question. "Michael said…"

And Justin just had to laugh; because, really? Hadn't he just told Brian that Michael knew shit when it came to Justin's motivations and what he was doing? Brian snapped his mouth shut and looked annoyed, but fuck it. Justin was so not in the mood to listen to a retelling of his life according to Mikey the Moron.

"Of course, Michael again," Justin huffed once he'd stopped laughing; because his life was just beyond absurd now. "Doesn't he have a life of his own? Why is he all up in my business? You know, you really need to stop listening to him when it comes to me; because Michael isn't someone I confide in. He's not likely to know shit about me. If you want to talk to someone, try Daphne or Emmett. They're more likely to steer you in the right direction. As for where I'm living, I'm with Daphne. Is that all? Can I go now?"

"And the money," Brian asked again because he apparently wasn't going to leave until he was reassured that Justin's tuition wasn't an issue. In a way, Justin was touched that he at least cared that much; but it was annoying at the same time because he didn't need Brian Fucking Kinney blowing hot and cold in his life.

"I applied for and won a scholarship that will take care of this year," Justin said, another mirthless smile plastered to his face. "I would have shared that with you before, but you were too busy making sure that I realized that I had no permanent place in your life, that I said fuck it and just went on with life. So, I didn't need it and I told them to reimburse you."

Brian looked as if he was torn between pride and hurt, but what had he expected? Every time Justin had tried to get close to him recently, he'd gotten shut down. Justin had finally taken a hint and stopped sharing because there were only so many times that a person could get rejected before they've just had enough.

"I've got to go," Justin sighed, feeling even more exhausted than when he'd started. He really just wanted to go home and curl up on the daybed and sleep until this week was over. But he had to work at the store for eight hours, and then that was followed by a two-hour break to change and eat, and then he had a four-hour shift at the diner. He didn't have time for this. "I need to grab a quick bite to eat on my way to work. See you around. Maybe."

"Justin," Brian called out again as Justin had turned on his heel to leave; and Justin just pinched the bridge of his nose, praying for patience.

"Not now, Brian," Justin huffed waving him off. "I don't have time for this."

And then he continued down the path, heading for the wrap place that he loved, his heart aching with loss, and wondering if he and Brian would ever be on the same page.

* * *

Brian walked into Babylon, the rhythmic pulsating music washing over him. He gave the coat check guy his jacket and keys, The crowd parted for him as it always did when Brian Kinney walked in. He made his way to the bar, finding Todd and Brandon.

Tucker and Jennifer were standing next to the two boys wearing a white dress and a jean jacket and looked absolutely stunning. Everyone from Pittsburgh's Liberty Avenue as Babylon had a new owner and everyone wanted to meet him.

''So, Jen'' said Debbie who sits next to her son.'' Who is that Heidi O'Neil?'' she asked, trying to conceal the jealousy from her voice.

The redhead

Jennifer shook her head.

Heidi was two years older than her and more beautiful, smarter, more bloody and a dream. Jennifer remembers as she walked the town likes to it was belonged to her. She was never following the rules and this was one of the reasons that were every day she had in the ddirector'soffice, go against the wishes of professors and involved in problems. The basketball team had a fan club for her and every time they were trying to ask for her at a date. Heidi O'Neil was the queen of the town and popular, she was anarchist and all the everyone was hated and feared her.

Jennifer laughs outright '' A glance, Heidi's preference in this dichotomy is not apparent. She does seem very good at dealing with her external environment, whether it is fighting cases or charming the ladies. She fears nothing anyone might throw at her. However, she also doesn't really welcome unwanted intrusions. As I know her more deeply, we find that she has many 'secrets' which she doesn't like to share with others, even people close to her such as me or sons. When the subject of his mum cheating on his dad comes up, he gets very emotional. He also really dislikes it when Mike arrives at his home unannounced. It then becomes clear that Heidi is actually introverted, with Extraversion that is selective (for certain aspects of her life only). This suggests that she is an introvert with a well developed secondary extraverted function which she uses to keep her external world in order. She is not conventional. Her type of status and legacy is based not on the standards of society, but rather they are generated based on her own rules. This suggests that she is not a sensor who observes and wants what she sees, but rather an intuitive who just gets what really matters. .She bends the rules to suit herself, but she never sees the rules as something sacred that is not to be manipulated. She gets to business and does not mess around. Heidi doesn't like tardiness. She is unconventional but not sloppy. She doesn't have hair that is out of place. She is a stickler for punctuality. All these show that the function he uses to face the external world is a judging one. She fucks anybody just once because love is a weakness. It feels real for a few minutes, at the start it always does, but it's an illusion. It fades and then you're left with nothing. She's all sorts of drunks. Loopy, needy, slutty...She laughs at anything, and then she'll either want to cuddle and talk about the feelings she pretends he doesn't have or he'll drag you to the nearest dance floor and actually act as sexy as she knows she looks. She is beautiful, fiery, passionate, challenging, all the traits that everyone likes in a lover. But she is also, self-centered, selfish and manipulation.''

Debbie felt a pang of jealousy in her chest but ignored it easily. ''She sounds like a real bitch''

''Debbie, I like you a lot but I will not allow you to talk about my best friend like that. So either you stop your pretty bullshit or its over.. I've known Heidi over 23 years and I love her. So either you quit being a bitch or it is over'' Jennifer said. Debbie looked dumbstruck but she didn't say anything because Todd and Brandon looked like they want to kill that woman with fake hair.

''You speak about me'' said Heidi coming out of the darkness walking on the platform by wearing an elegant, white top covered her slender body, as well as tight, black leather pants. The heels of her black boots were tall and lethal. She had her dark hair gathered in an elegant, lazy twist at the nape of her graceful neck, and the beautiful, delicate features of her face were accentuated by a touch of makeup; the only thing that couldn't be considered light was the deep, seductive, red color on her pouty lips.

The jaws of the males in the room dropped.

There were a few whistles from the boys as they looked at Hedi, "Sexy can I," one of them mumbled as he smirked at Heidi.

Heidi rolled her eyes, "No you cannot." Todd snickered but gagged a moment later.

"Dude, that's my _mom_," he said to the boy with shock.

"Well, your mom is _hot_."

"No, she's-" he looked at Heidi and turned back to the boy, "Okay maybe she is, but that's still my mom."

* * *

Heidi had taken one look at the brunette woman in the club and all her other distractions were forgotten. She looked back at the pretties she'd picked up for the evening, or Todd, and had Brandon get rid of them. She didn't care how - she just wanted them gone. Usually, she hated going out onto his dance floor. It was loud and several people took liberties that would usually see them lose a hand in his book.

The brunette was writhing to the beat of the music. she couldn't see the muscles in her back as the crisp white shirt was blocking her way. Even so, she could swear that she had seen the muscles almost ripple in his back. She slid up beside her. And what is your name?"

Melanie turned around grinning and having succeeded at making contact with her charge. She could not believe that this woman had approached her in a way that anyone could characterize it as Brian Kinney's way but the lecture from Jennifer for Heidi O'Neil, she understood that Heidi O'Neil was a female version of Brian Kinney and she would have to move away from her but She grinned when Heidi gripped her hips, "Do you follow through on your promises?"

Melanie just cocked her head to the side, "Depends are you worthy?"

Heidi stopped momentarily at the phrasing of the question.

"I hope it does."

Feeling bolder than he had in a while, and not a very woman at all. Melanie scooped her arms around Heidi's neck pulling her close, "I'm not this forward."

Heidi snorted feeling just how forward Melanie was feeling. "Well don't I feel special."

Melanie laughed and it sent shivers down Heidi's spine. The blonde didn't know whores or men or women who could evoke that sort of reaction and they were paid. Melanie strayed to the crook of her neck and rested there comfortably. Heidi was not prone to sentimentality.

Heidi let out a sigh, "I want to do filthy things to you ."

It was not 'honey I love you,' but it was raw and passionate. Heidi shivered at just the look being sent her way.


	5. Chapter 5

They say pain is something you gradually get used to.

As an infant, you cry over the most trivial of injuries- because each one is a new sensation, and they truly hurt.

And as time passes and you grow older, the scratches on your knee don't shoot bolts of pain up your spine like they did when you were a kid.

You become more mentally and physically prepared- you're able to handle it far better than before. So when you obtain a new bruise, rather than wail out, you suck in a breath, you curl into yourself, maybe curse a bit while glaring at the object that was to partially blame for the new blemish.

But then there are those who never get used to it, because they can't, or because they were hardly victim to any injuries that would make them stronger.

These individuals cry frequently, over broken emotions or scratches along their knuckles. They are far more vulnerable, they are weak. They're annoying, finding any mark or ache on their body a reason to complain and share a tale about its origin.

Brandon was, fortunately, taught to never become the latter grouping of weak individuals.

Not through his father, but through his stepfather who showed him that being weak meant that he was an easy target.

And it wasn't a lecture of words, but of fists and kicks.

It was the sacrifice of money invested in hospital bills every time a rib was broken, or a scar too deep.

In the beginning, Brandon would scream, yell, and sometimes cry in protest as he was beaten, too young and weak to defend himself. He would sometimes call for his mother, who was too afraid and weak herself to step in.

At times she would yell, demanding it stops at. And sometimes it worked. But rarely did she put in an aiding hand; however, Brandon never blamed her for it. She did as much as she could, and he learned from a very young age that she wasn't the target, but it was him. So he should learn how to defend himself, he should put his hands out and try to keep himself from getting hurt, not ask for the aid of others.

For years he tried that method, but he failed continuously.

It wasn't until the death of his mother that he was able to escape, to go and return with his genetic father, to live a life he believed he had never been able to witness before.

But it wasn't any different. His father was a drunk, a complete mess after losing the love of his life, the mother to his child, the woman that left him because he couldn't get it together, the same one who took their child, afraid that the alcoholism would ruin a son- would teach him wrong rather than right.

However, she was mistaken, and again, she fell for the wrong guy, who, at first, had seemed everything but horrid.

When he was five, the man came into their life.

He was charming, all smiles and wit, intelligent and powerful in the sense of money.

But one day he snapped, and it happened when he was left under his care for the night.

His stepdad got violent started yelling at Brandon for things the boy couldn't understand at such a young age. He beat the boy in places where he was sure the mother wouldn't notice and then demanded that the boy keep his silence, or he'd face worse the next round.

But of course, at only five, Brandon wasn't completely independent, and his mother would aid him with a change of clothes on laundry day, or starting the bath. When she saw the bruises, she gasped and, in hysterics, demanded an answer. She was clever though, and he only shrugged and said he got in a fight with the boys in the class. His mother sighed, it was in her nature. She wouldn't approve of such behavior, but she wouldn't lecture him.

He smiled, she smiled and told him never to do it again.

And it seemed like the boy did do it again, almost weekly.

At some point, his mother had enough, and she started yelling at Brandon, telling him he couldn't do that, violence was wrong, and that if he kept provoking the students, he'd get expelled. But it was her way of ensuring his future, rather than blaming him for anything. Sickly and pale, she calmed after a moment of shouting at her blank-faced son, and sat, muttering how she'd have to talk to the teachers about the situation.

It only became more confusing when she did, in fact, go directly to the teacher without asking for a meeting a few days later before class, nearly losing what little self-control she had, demanding to know why this hadn't been taken care off. When the teacher gave her a rather confused look, with a touch of horrified, telling Ms. Wolf that Brandon was never in a fight, during school hours at the very least, because recess wasn't allowed during the winter.

As if trying to test the situation further, Brandon's mother would pick him up immediately after school and would drop him off every morning, to make sure that her son wasn't getting bullied on his way from or to home. But when the bruises didn't stop, she decided to cancel most of her clinical visits.

She would stay at home more, watch her son, and lounge on the couch with her new lover as they'd flirt or view a movie on TV. It was then that the bruises started to stop coming. This caught her attention, and so one day, she decided to pretend she was going to a checkup early Saturday, and that her boyfriend would have to watch Stiles till the afternoon.

Of course, as usual, he smiled, hugged her, told her good luck with treatment, letting their fingers slide as he gently let go of her hand on her way out, slowly closing the door, Brandon standing behind him, watching his mom leave. She shut the door with a slight grimace of a smile.

Brandon kept his vacant expression, even as the door closed, slowly looking up to his stepfather, who turned to him with a gentle smile, staring the boy down as the sounds of a car departing lingered. It wasn't until silence consumed the house that it started.

He gave Brandon an almost cheeky grin, excitement in his eyes, before looking at the boy menacingly. He told Brandon they'd have fun, and that it was only fair because his 'mommy was sick and Brandon was an imposing little brat that was only making her sicker'.

After two beers, he was pacing towards Brandon, who was sitting on the couch only a room over from the dining room. Frightened, the boy got up and started running towards the stairs to hide in his room, but his stepfather was quick, longer legs, and he grabbed Stile, laughing at him as if the idea of escaping was hysterical.

He had grabbed Brandon from the back of his shirt, tugged him towards him, turned him, picked him up from under his small thin arms, held him in the air to meet eye to eye, and with a threatening smirk, he had inhaled slowly, before finally yelling.

"She's dying, and it's all because of you! Your mother has cancer, and you don't even give a shit! You're like your father, you're going to be just like your father, you disgusting little piece of shit!-"

The door flew open as soon as the shouting escalated, the hinges and glass window practically braking. The scene was put to a halt, step-father frozen as he looked towards Brandon's mother.

She gaped at him, horrified, angry, before looking towards her son, who was silently crying. It didn't take long until Brandon broke out in unrestrained sobs, reaching out for his mom.

He thought he was safe at that moment, now that she knew the big secret. But he was wrong. Her condition got worse, she got weaker, far more tired, and he didn't understand why.

His stepfather didn't hold himself back anymore, and he took advantage of her inability to do most anything. It only made sense to Brandon as he grew, cancer being a rather easy diagnosis to understand. By the time he was 13, she was bedridden constantly, eventually landing into the ICU.

With a weak smile, she had told Brandon how she had filed a child abuse report against his step-father. But Brandon's smile wasn't genuine. He only smiled to make her feel proud, hopeful, and if she were to die that night- at least she'd feel at rest. As if this was her last purpose or parting gift.

The report got to his father, who didn't hesitate to take Brandon from the man the second his wife's heart monitor pronounced her dead.

And then, Heidi O'Neil shows up.

Support, family, loyalty, and wisdom.

Guidance, praise, love, survival.

The characteristics of a mother.

Heidi O'Neil taught him how to recognize good music.

_Do you hear it here, at this point? This round of chords? They were the first to use it and then they influenced all the most important bands of the next decade._

She taught him that baseball is not just nine morons who run round and round, but they are athletes that aim, throw, grab. Speed, power, precision, and talent.

She taught him that the good whiskey is the single malt whiskey and not the one mixed with cereal. And it must be aged exclusively in American oak barrels.

_And if you ever order one, remember plain. No water, ice, soda. The real whiskey is plain. But don't tell your mom we talked about alcohol._

She taught him that in a conflict does not win who is bigger or stronger or richer. Win who can read the opponent, understand their weaknesses and attack where it hurts most.

* * *

Melanie stretched and smiled. Her head was still pillowed on the arm of the couch. Neither of them had bothered moving. Heidi had fallen asleep on top of her on the couch, wearing absolutely nothing. She had wrapped an arm around her casually, using the other to rake her fingers through the older woman's hair, gently massaging her scalp while her insides did all kinds of acrobatic maneuvers that insides really shouldn't be able to do.

They hadn't said much afterward, just curled into each other and rested, catching their breaths and enjoying the aftermath as they came down. It wasn't awkward. Actually, it was very comfortable, something else that Melanie wasn't used to. She had whispered if he could see the other man again, but She'd already fallen asleep.

Now, She went to wrap her arms around the body on top of her only to discover that there was none. Confused, she sat up. Her suit was gone from the floor and the coffee table. Her bra, which had ended up flung on the steps, was missing. Air flowed freely over Melanie's naked body, leaving her shivering. There was no sign of her, not even a note.

Heidi O'Neil was a ghost.

* * *

Justin sighed as he walked through the Liberty Diner doors and straight to the back, without looking at anyone. Debbie looked after him in worry. She walked over to the table where her son, Michael, and his friends were sitting. She looked at Michael and her other three 'sons'. "Have any of you talked to Sunshine, lately?"

"Why would we do that, Ma? After what he did to Brian?"

Debbie had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She dearly loved her son, but sometimes... She sighed. "Because he's still a part of this family. And I don't recall Justin doing anything to Brian."

"Ma!" whined Michael sounding scandalized. "How can you say that? He left Brian. He cheated on Brian!"

"I am right here," drawled Brian in a flat tone. "Anyways, Michael, Justin didn't cheat on me. And he was free to leave. We never had any locks on our doors."

"Maybe that was the problem," stated Debbie. Brian just went back to reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee. "I'm just worried about him. He's seemed so... un-Sunshiney ever since you two broke up."

Brian smirked. "Un-Sunshiney? Is that even a word?"

"Shut it! So, none of you have talked to him?"

"Just in passing," said a guilty-feeling Emmett. Emmett sighed. He knew that Brian missed Justin, and if the brunet would just get his head out of his ass long enough, Brian would realize why Justin had left. All Emmett could do was hope that his two friends would find each other again and be happy. Of course, Emmett could always help them along.

But it was something that Jennifer said to him about this topic.

_''Emmett honey, you're a smart man. Stick to the adage of belief half of what you see and none of what you hear where my sons are concerned."_

_"What do you mean? Everyone knows Brian and Justin's story. They live out loud and proud."_

_"Oh Darling, no one really knows their story; only the bits and pieces that happen in public, and not even me. However, if you look closely like I did, you'll be able to see what's real, and not the conclusions certain people would have you believe. The only people with the power to break them up are Brian and Justin, but until they discover that, and begin to live that one fundamental truth, they will keep running into their problems, instead of solving them for good."_

The bell over the door jingled, signaling a new person.

''Come on girl'' said once of the customer.''We have to go''

But the customer did not answer as she looked at the woman walking inside the shop.

''Not now'' She replied and Jennifer should have known. Once Heidi O'Neil is in the picture, plans are often changed to accommodate the golden goddess.

''Where you been?'' asked Jennifer as Heidi stood next to the blonde woman.

''I can't say''

"Why not? Heidi?" Jennifer stared at her, and then a grin slowly formed on her face. "Oh. My God. You didn't."

"I didn't," Heidi answered flatly, but it was no use.

"You had sex with Melanie."

''And?''

Jennifer sneezed and wanted to ask the woman if she will stop behaving like a child and grow up. She wanted to ask Heidi about love but she knew that Heidi O'Neil does not love. To love would be an unimaginable weakness and it could so easily get in the way of work and greatness. Even as a child she had always been apart from her parents to the point that they thought she may be autistic. Which was, of course, not true, since Heidi had always had a very intuitive sense of people, of their emotions, thoughts, desires. And she learned early on how to manipulate those desires, emotions, fears and so on.

So loving and being in love seem like foolish pursuits to him. There are some nice aspects – sex for one. But it is not necessary to be in love to have great sex. She has fallen in lust many times but that all got terribly boring after a time and her lovers had a horrible habit of becoming clingy and attached. Boring and disgusting.

Heidi O'Neil hadn't always been heartless. She hadn't always been cold, calculated, and firm. She hadn't always had hollow eyes and a body made of muscle used every day fighting for her life. She used to be soft and warm and full of joy, but it had been taken from him by one old woman.

"May I speak with you privately?" said a voice behind Heidi and Jennifer.

Heidi stiffened. "Why?"

''Please'' said Melanie and Heidi followed reluctantly the woman.

"Ι will back soon." Leaning over, Heidi gave Jennifer a light peck on the cheek.

Jennifer watched her leave, still slightly blushing from the kiss. Feeling eyes on her, she glanced over. She realized all the others looking at her, turned to face them.

"What?" she asked.

"She seems so... dangerous," stated Debbie.

Jennifer gave a laugh. "She can be," She answered cryptically.

"What do you mean, Jen?" asked Emmett.

Even though Brian was looking at the newspaper, pretending to be reading, he was actually listening to everything being said.

The woman shrugged. "I mean, Heidi can be... dangerous if she wants to."

"How so?" asked Ted.

Jennifer didn't say anything.

"Ahe looks like the bad sort, Jen. Maybe you shouldn't go out with him," said Debbie.

"Hold it, right there," Jennifer said as she held up her right hand in the classic 'stop' gesture. "Heidi's a very good friend of mine. I've known her for years. She'd never hurt me or Justin or my family."

"Jen, I'm just saying..."

"Debbie," Jennifer warned.

Debbie sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to look out for you."

"I appreciate it, but you don't have to. Especially with Heidi." With that said, Heidi walked back to her friend.

''Why people are so emotional?'' asked Heidi.

Being constantly ruled by emotion would be such an exhausting state, he thought. It was a lot cleaner, a lot easier to be done with them, to stop feeling, to stop caring. Most of the time she was convinced of this truth, knew exactly what this was how things should be. Anyway, no amount of remorse would change the outcome. Having a lot as women and men called her bitch or heartless head tended to signal that peaceful relations were well and truly concluded. It was for the best – σhe had even weighed up the variables and calculated that this statement was 93% true.

Sometimes, however… sometimes she wasn't sure if she wanted things to be cleaner.

It was possible that the 7% she would have normally dismissed as negligible was, in fact… not so very unimportant.

That would mean admitting he could possibly be wrong, when, at present, he could not afford to be wrong. But he couldn't help the feeling…

Feeling.

Her mind narrowed down on that concept with sharp disdain. Feeling. Every fiber of her being scorned the very idea – what use was feeling? What possible benefit could come from admitting she could be in the wrong? That perhaps the 7% probability was correct? That maybe it would do better to not ignore the problem, and wait for it to inevitably vanish?

'Perhaps' and 'maybe' were all well and good for the common man, but she would have none of it.

Throwing the money for his bill onto the table, Heidi stood up. "Later," she said before walking out.

* * *

Εven he knew he was drinking too much; he didn't need Mikey and the boys' oblique comments and concerned glances. Besides, what the fuck business was it of theirs? He could drink his liver to the size of a squishy, pock-marked basketball if he so fucking chose. Only one person could stop him, and he didn't know, and probably if he did, he wouldn't give a shit. At least he better not. Justin should know by now that he can't waste time trying to bind other people's self-inflicted wounds. The only thing more pathetic than a victim is an enabler.

He also knew he was doing too much coke. He'd all but stopped using it when Justin was around; he hadn't liked it when Brian got high, and the dislike increased after that fucking party at The Sap's house. Brian could imagine what might've happened that night, but he didn't want to. It made him want to grab the motherfucker by his cheesy gold chains and choke him. Which was another reason he should cut back on the coke? It made him jittery and angry at the universe – a universe that'd given him Sunshine only to snatch him away again.

With Justin gone, the loft seemed huge; Brian had expected an echo when he'd called Justin's name before he found Justin's stuff gone. Even his toothbrush. (Why the fuck did he have to take his Goddamn toothbrush? Couldn't he have bought a new one? He wasn't that poor . . . yet. The missing toothbrush wasn't just a "good-bye," it was a "fuck you.") To fill the unwanted space, Brian had gone on a buying-spree, hence the van der Rohe table and Barcelona chair, on which, the same day it arrived, Brian fucked the living shit out of a trick.

He danced alone every night. Mikey was where he should be – at home with the Professor, and Emmett and Ted were . . . God, he didn't want to go there; the mental images would scar him for life. Slowly, but surely, it began to dawn on him that other than Mikey and the boys – and Lindsay, but she didn't count when it came to Babylon – he had no friends. Tricks didn't count. Brian had a strict policy against fucking friends, and he fucked tricks, so, therefore, according to basic Socratic logic, they weren't friends. He was lonely – desperately lonely.

''Do you want company?'' asked a voice from behind him. Brian looked over to find an attractive blonde giving him a blinding smile.

Brian chuckled, "That's kind of you," he answered, all the same, taking a much-needed drink.

"Please sit."

Heidi didn't so much sit, as lounge comfortably.

"Care to join me?" She tilted his head to the side and Brian easily accepted.

Brian whistled when they were let into the roped-off area of the club. "VIP huh? Guess I should have you buyin' the drinks."

As he sat on one of the love seats, Heidi's grin only grew. "Perhaps. Considering I own the club."

Brian laughed at that, the sound rich and full of life. "Now that's really not fair."

Heidi raised a shoulder, admiring the way the other man moved as he took a seat next to her in a graceful sprawl. "I don't play fair," She replied, voice dark and promising.

Not even phased, Brian leaned right into his space, bright blue eyes meeting hers. "Sounds like a good time"

Heid raised her glass. She liked the brunette, more than she was willing to admit right now. It might just be that she was bored with bedding airheads but if she was looking at guys he liked - Brian was the perfect model to use.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	6. Chapter 6

Brandon's hair was bright pink as it reflected off the bathroom mirror and Todd couldn't control his laughter from where he stood in the bathroom doorway.

Brandon glared at Todd, going so far as to reach out and flick the teen in the ear causing him to scowl slightly as he rubbed at his ear

"Oww! What was that for"

"You turned my hair pink!" Brandon was practically shouting now as he turned back to the mirror looking scandalized and furious with his new look

Todd looked affronted and insulted "I didn't do it"

"Then why are you laughing!" Todd shot back, his voice so loud that downstairs at the foot of the steps Daphne had second thoughts about going to her room to study for her exams

"Because whoever did it is a freaking genius"

Brandon gave Todd a contemplative look before realization dawned on him and he shouted as he rushed out of the bathroom and went bolting down the steps and shouting, leaving Todd laughing as he leaned against the bathroom doorway

"MOLLY!"

* * *

Women and men. Lots of them.

Heidi isn't straight, but she isn't gay either. She's what he likes to think of as an equal opportunity kind of guy. Look halfway decent and have a couple of brain c

Blond, dark-haired, red-haired, snow-white skin, darker skin, tall, medium-high, from different states, countries, continents… Almost every night when she wasn't too tired to pretend, she would spend with them.

Pretend? Yes, she couldn't be herself; she didn't want to be herself with them – they were nobody; no, that would be rude to say – they were somebody to spend the night with and sometimes the morning, too, and never see again. Or if she saw them they'd be together again – just for the fun of it. And she knew something that he didn't exactly want to admit to herself – she knew that he was scared to be himself. What if they weren't interested in the real her, what if they rejected her? Nobody wanted to be rejected. The 'what if' questions – they were scaring hr as hell and she didn't like hell – she didn't want to understand whether or not he'd turn up there. She didn't – so he did what she could do best – pretend. she had studied psychology so it wasn't very hard to understand those people and to play them the way they wanted to be played.

But even if she was pretending he would still be honest with them. She'd tell them what she's studied; she'd tell them that she's own a form; she'd tell them that she's not looking for a relationship and all he wants is to spend the night with someone. 'Real hero' would do the same but in a different manner; in a different way. Jennifer would tell her that 'real her' spoke in a mean and sarcastic way and the way she talked to everyone – it was different – it wasn't his way and most likely that's the reason it's worked every time. They were amazed by her; everything about her amazed them. it made her feel lonely and like nobody would understand the real her. Even though she was the same person with the same qualities, she was not herself. She knew so, she knew so but she didn't want to admit it.

Anyway…

"Come on, Heidi… I want to get a taste of you." She was tall, blond, Australian and very sexy undoubtedly. Heidibwatched her lying in the bed on her stomach facing her and smiling. Heidi walked towards her as she stood on her knees on the edge of the bed. When she was close enough, she started kissing her chest; her lips were soft and her breath felt hot on his skin. In a few moments, he pushed her gently back on the bed once again and lay on top of her. Just as Heidi was used to doing so often, Heidi started kissing her sensually - her mouth, her cheek, her neck, down over her breasts. She arched her back and interlocked her fingers in Heidi's hair and soon soft moans started escaping her delicate red lips.

Heidi was in the mood for 'slow and easy' that night; she didn't mind. And she was quite good at liking her. Maybe they could do it again in the morning. Heidi even wondered for a while whether he should ask her out on a date but then she changed her mind – dating would mean that she had to reveal things about herself that he preferred to keep concealed from strangers and only share with her friends and family.

The night passed smoothly. They had good sex; enjoyed each other's bodies and were both pleased. And on the next morning, the usual routine followed. Heidi got up and went to shower; she was sleeping when Heidi walked into the bathroom. Just after she had stopped the water, had got out of the shower zone and had wrapped a towel around her waist, she heard her walking about in the took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she reached for the door handle; in a second he would open the door and she would find the next pretty girl in her bedroom. Yes, her body was happy… but was it really worth torturing your soul with casual encounters, especially when you think of sex as something a lot more than just a basic body desire?

Heidi opened the bathroom door and her eyes immediately fell on the other woman: she had wrapped the bed sheet around her petite form; her hair was a mess but it was quite cute; her pretty smile was illuminating the room.

"Good morning." She said.

"Good morning." Heidi simply answered. Her hair was wet and drops of water were dripping down her body. The younger woman stood up, walked to Heidi, flashed him yet another staggering smile, moved swiftly past her and slipped into the bathroom.

The moment the door was closed he took another long breath; this shouldn't feel like a burden – talking to the girls you've fucked last night – but anyway it did. What was he doing? And why?

Heidi didn't get dressed. She thought she was feeling comfortable enough with her or at least that's how he should feel. It was getting more and more difficult for Heidi to distinguish between what she actually felt and what she thought he was supposed to feel in those particular situations.

She looked at the alarm clock beside the bed. Would it be a good idea to prepare coffee for her? She was a nice and cheery person, what he got to know of her last night in that noisy club. Heidi got out of the bedroom, passed the living room area and went into the kitchen. Just as she was done putting in the ingredients in the coffee machine, she saw the girl leaning against the doorframe. She had washed her face and tied her hair into a ponytail but the sheet which covered her body was still around her form. They didn't say anything to each other; in a moment the girl simply walked over to Heidi and stood in front of her.

The businessman's eyes observed her; her hair, her eyes, her lips, the length of her neck and her shoulders… She was beautiful. The tension between them sparked in the air seemingly igniting their bodies once again... and they kissed. It was passionate and sexy and breathtaking

Heidi picked her up; her legs wrapping around his waist; their tongues intertwined in a voluptuous kiss. Hedi's intention was to carry her back to her bedroom but just as they were passing through the living room, the two of them heard a knock on the door. Heidi gently lowered the girl down until she could step on the floor. The older woman gave her a small kiss before she walked over to where the distracting noise was coming from and looked through the eyelet in the door. Taking a step back, she turned the key to unlock and swung the wooden element open.

"Brian, come on in," Heidi said with a sigh.

" You, out" Heidi pointed the woman throwing her clothes ignoring the hurt expression of the woman.

" But ..but" the woman began to say but Heidi glared at her shut her down. Brian looked at the scene in front of him knowing that he did the same every night.

The woman refused to leave with the result Heidi threw the clothe` woman out of her house pushed the woman out.

"Coffee?" asks Heidi like nothing happened. Hse passed a mug with black coffee to the man before she turned toward her bedroom looking for clothes. "Make yourself home comfortable"

The gaze of Brian stuck over the woman backside and for one time in his life, he wishes to be straight. The last two weeks were amazing having this woman hung around with. They spent a lot of time together talking dor work and their personal lives.

Brian opened up to Heidi about his childhood, something he hadn't even done with his best friend, Michael. Michael knew it from experience, from being there, but Brian had never once talked with him about it openly. With Heidi, he bared his soul. He talked of the beatings, the neglect, the half-assed suicide attempts, his fears of being a father... of being his father... and of his deep love for his son. He finally, after four decades of denial, admitted to the pain that he felt from the lack of love from his parents.

And Brian wondered why it felt so simple, so right to give all this to, he had mellowed a bit around the edges with age. He was 40 now, after all. No longer the club boy, no longer tricking the way he had in his lascivious youth. His friends had all paired up and married up and split up, just to do it all over again. During all that Brian had remained aloof, above it all when it came to matters of love and commitment and relationships. And on a rare night during those weeks when Brian found himself alone, he wondered for hours about the timing that brought Heidi into his life just as he was ready to open up, ready to wonder if there could be more for him.

It was nice to have someone to listen to you and ton the opposite. Mike likes to talk only for his own problems and his family, wanted money and his help but every time Brian was in trouble, it was because he was an asshole.

His gaze passed over some photos over the walls. A smiled Heidi with a baby Todd and Bradon. A teenager Heidi with men and women. A photo with Justin on his 5th birthday. A blonde girl around her 15 with Heidi`s arms around her. The girl was a copy of Jennifer and Justin. The last one was Heidi and Jennifer at their young age, smiling at the camera and Jennifer's arm around Heidi.

"Oh wow!" He breathed, picking up the photo. He smiled and looked at Heidi. "When was this taken?"

"About 16 years ago," Heidi said, her small smile growing as the memory flashed through her brain. "I begged JT to take them. She was vehemently against it, said she was enough of a dork already. But I talked her into it, said we'd have fun making crazy stuff like synthetic cum. That picture was taken two weeks later, the day we got kicked out for setting that lab table on fire." Heidi indicated the table which was ablaze. "A kid from the yearbook staff was there and he told us to pose. The picture didn't make it into the yearbook, so the kid gave it to me. That had to be one of the most fun days of my life." Heidi smiled a little longer.

" You are not here to talk about photos"

"I have new ideas for Babylon and I have a new project for your new game," Brian says throwing a file over the table.

* * *

'What the hell?'' yelled Justin Taylor as he went into the restaurant and walked to his family. '' Did you know that the aunt wants to give me the company?''

Todd and Brandon made facepalm as Daphne could not believe her friend's stupidity.

''Aunt Heidi said that she wants me to become her successor'' said Justin and the terror in his voice were obvious that had the effect of everyone turning to look at him." I am a woman?"

We just didn't notice you are a male." Todd pointed out.

"Well apparently your eyesight isn't the best in the group" Justin sneered

"Ouch, that hurt" Todd said sarcastically as Justin growled at him.

"Come on, it is not funny. Aunt wants me to have her company after she will retire. But everyone knows that the new manager of the company must be female. It is a tradition in her family." Said Justin while Todd and Bradon want to hit their heads over the wall.

" Felicia," said Daphne and everyone noticed Todd, Bradon and Justin froze in their seats. " It was not a secret that Felicia was the next heir of Heidi O` Neil, she was the main reason why Heidi was not adoption a girl all those years. Todd is a doctor with a clinic in New York..."

All the customers of the dinner were shocked by his revelation because they thought the worst about Todd. The young man was every night at Babylon and no one known about his personal life.

" Bradon is a senior partner at Specter-Ross-Pearson law firm in New York and no one of them would want the company. Felicia was the firstborn of was Heidi`s favorite and Bradon's partner in crime, Todd went to him with anything and everything, I and her baked."Daphne and no one went against her words because it was true.

Brandon almost laughed at the expression on everyone's ss face. Todd and Brandon were a secret that showed up from nowhere and no one knows information about them. Their lives were secret and they wwere priwereonhot from their mother.

"Who is Felicia"Ted spoke up.

Those words killed the happy mood around Todd, Justin, Brandon, and Daphne.

"My sis-.." Justin was trying to say the truth.

"My older sister"Justin answered

"What?!" Emmett yelled surprised and hurt because his baby sid does not trust him enough to tell him.

Drew eas trying to calm down his boyfriend and Blake has the same feeling with Emmett. He and Justin became quick friends over the fact that Justin was the first person who welcomed their group and they bonded over Michael treating them like the enemy.

" Another secret twink" Michael demanded to know." Where is your sister know? She is too ashamed of you"

"Watch your mouth"Todd snapped back

"Shut up you asshole" he shrieked, making us all wince. Who could know that a man's voice could reach a pitch as high as that one?

" How the hell you called my son?"Asked a female and the voice made the hair on Michael's body to stand.

Everyone turned to see the queen and the king of Liberty Avenue. Pittsburgh people had decided that Brian Kinney and Heidi O `Neil have often been likened to one another: calculating, spoiled, bratty, manipulative. But their similarities are really quite superficial. Despite all of her barbed comments, her strong sense of entitlement and superiority over others, Blair wears her heart on her sleeve. Her mask of nonchalance and indifference constantly slipping and she would often scramble to keep up appearances. Brian on the other hand… has no heart to speak of and if there's one thing that can't be substituted, it's the heart. To everyone, the distinction is quite clear.

Michael glared at the person who stole his best friend. After Heidi shows up, Brian almost changed. Brian wanted to not die from alcohol poisoning. They still met up and did things, but Brian wasn't going to get wasted all the time, he had businesses to run. But Michael wanted the partying and hard-drinking best friend who rescued him from himself.

" I you have balls day that again," Said Heidi smiling and Michael thinks for a moment that he must be a close relative to a shark because he feels like prey.

Even her sons afraid of her, he keeps glaring at her and wants to say something but all his friends were all chanting in their heads: Don't do, don't do it, DON'T DO IT!

The face of Michael was red and made a step near to the woman with the result Todd and Brandon stood up behind him. It was not a secret that the two nd men were extremely protective toward their mother and a lot of men have a bloody nose or a black eye for proofs.

Heidi threw a warning glance over her sons.

"Guys, thank you, really. But I can handle this little boy" She told the men that were still there, protecting him just in case Michael tried another stupid thing. They turned to him, looking for confirmation, before returning to their tables and enjoying the show with the rest of the audience.

"I am not a child!" Michael really had to stop shrieking, or else we will all lose our sense of hearing.

"Then why are you acting as such?" it's question froze him."Sweetheart, I could break you in half by the time you finished an indignant hair flip. If you dare to insult my boys again I will tear you in a half . Step aside."She earned him, this time she was the one that got into Michael's face.

"Capisce?"

Without even waiting for an answer, Heidi turned away from his a friend and sat on an empty table with her family.

There was an uncomfortable silence at the table for a few moments. Suddenly, Brian stood and reached out to the young maze manor

"Luke," said Justin walked to the man. And just when Brian was about to grab him and pull him into a tight hug, he walked right passed him, their shoulders barely making contact.

And Brian stood there, stunned as 'what the fuck just happened?' was at the forefront of his mind.

He shook himself out of his trance and turned, just in time to see the one he so wanted to keep all to himself, attached to another guy. By the lips.

By. The. Lips.

He's kissing him. Justin was — no, no, — is kissing him.

Holy shit.

Brian can feel Death crawling on his skin, weakening his knees. Everything's spinning so fast yet staying so still at the same time.

"Damn, I missed you," Justin said, his arms wrapped around the guy's neck as he gave the guy's lips a peck once more. "Why didn't you tell me you're coming back?"

The guy chuckled, chasing his lips and catching it between his teeth before releasing it with an audible pop. "It wouldn't be a surprise now if I told you earlier, would it?"

The two kissed each other again and Brian turned to dampen down the bile that was threatening to come out.

This isn't happening.

Brian told himself as he pressed his knuckles against his mouth, turning them into white.

During the kiss, Brian was unchassilensilesisilent.H eidi hazarded a glance in his direction and was surprised to the man's lip pulled tautly, and his eyes suspiciously wet.

The woman looked quietly away, knowing the look of heartbreak when she saw it.

* * *

Babylon was was in full swing, and the gang was in its usual perch. Ben and Michael were watching Brian, who was taking some of Anita's E, with identical disapproving expressions. Deciding to try to put a stop to the excessive drug abuse and sexual adventures, even for Brian Kinney, stud of Liberty Avenue, Michael began to make his way over to Brian. Before he could get very far, Ben placed a restraining hand gently on Michael's shoulder, giving him a questioning look. Are you sure? it said. Micahel nodded, then walked forward again, and this time, Ben didn't stop him.

"Brian," he yelled when he reached his friend. Brian didn't react. Michael shook his shoulder, and yelled Brian's name again, trying to be heard over the booming music of the night club. "Hey, get lost!" he shouted at some twink who was trying to take Brian to the back room. Brian, in his drugged state, was being pulled along easily. "Get off of him, you creep!"

The twink looked offended, and spat at Michael, "What the fuck ever! That stupid blonde boy isn't here anymore! He's free goods!" Brian had flinched at the mention of the 'stupid blonde boy'; there was no mistaking he was talking about Justin.

"Not tonight, he's not! So get lost," Michael reiterated firmly. The twink left grudgingly, muttering obscenities the whole time. "Brian," Michael called softly. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Michael directed Brian to the men's restrooms, which really weren't any better than the back room. Considering there was a backroom, you'd think people go there and let the people who needed to piss, piss.

I didn't... I couldn't..."

"I know."

"It's not supposed to feel like this?"

Michael pulled back from there embrace. "What's not?"

"Us. Me. I don't feel... these things."

"Love?"

Brian shook his head as he fell heavily onto the floor of the bathroom "I don't do love. I fuck. Love just makes everything so complicated. It makes it hurt... so much more when he says those things."

"I know what you mean," Michael agreed as he sat down next to his best friend. "Everything is just... more when it's love. The good stuff, too. The sex is better, all those other stupid little things that make you roll your eyes when it's not you."

Brian smiled at this. "I hate feeling this way," he breathed the words like they meant nothing more than air.

"No, you don't. Not all the time."

"When did you get so fucking insightful?" Brian asked as he began to feel the more nauseating effects of all the alcohol he had consumed.

Michael shrugged. "Just lucky, I guess."

Brian laughed. "Yeah, right." He looked at his Rolex and saw that it was now past four o'clock. Michael saw the same and stood up, getting nowhere before Brian grabbed his arm.

"Stay," he said plainly.

Michael, finding that his soft spot for Brian still remained intact, couldn't help but do as he asked. "You are so pathetic."

Brian, swallowing a sob, nodded in agreement


	7. Chapter 7

You just couldn't resist, could you?" Brian leaned a shoulder on Heidi's office doorway, a smirk on his face. He should have known when he'd texted Heidi to see if she was home, that she'd be at the office instead.

Heidleaned back in his chair, feet propped up on the corner of Brian`s desk, looked at him over the open file she was reading."When people you don't even know hate you are, that's when you know you're the best."

Rolling his eyes at his drama queen of a friend, Brian perched on the edge of the desk and Heidi eyed the folder in his hands. "This seems like a new project, so why are you giving me shit?"

"Because it's fun?" Brian leaned down, brushing a quick kiss over her cheek.

"What's the project?" she asked, and Brian sighed, preferring to continue their banter, but knowing he might as well get it over with.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked.

"I... nothing," he said.

Heidi arched an eyebrow. "Tell me," she said, her expression letting Brian know that she already had an idea.

Brian shook his head.

"Brian.."

"You know what, make me," Brian challenged finally, standing up and leveling the woman with narrowed eyes and a barely-visible smirk.

"Um. Can you do me a huge favor and not be a douchebag for like three minutes?"

"When am I ever a douchebag?" Brian is only slightly offended. He's most proud that Heidi actually called him a douchebag.

"All the time and you know it"

"Justin"

Brian nodded, and Heidi sprawled back in the chair, taking a long slow sip of her drink.

And then she said, "Oh," in that clear, low voice of hers. "You're in love with him."

Sometimes Brian wondered id he was to easy to read. Not even Michael was able to see behind his walls and three weeks with that woman, would see the way Brian sat after someone tell his name, and say: Oh. You're in love with him.

Like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"That's not the point," Brian replied. There was no use denying it, and more importantly, Brian didn't want to lie, not to Hedi.

"Of course that is the point," Heidi said. The glow in her eyes was bright and uncomplicated. "Love is always the point. Brian, you must tell him, you must. Being apart like this does you both no favors, you must trust me on this: it only hurts, it only ever hurts—"

"Do you think I don't know that."

Heidi's jaw clicked shut.

"Do you think I don't—" Brian realized he was gripping the tumbler too hard. Carefully, he set it down. "That I don't want to."

"He loves you too," Heidi ventured, and Brian shut his eyes.

Brian frowned, standing as well, just so he could turn to face him where he was now in the center of the room.

"Melanie?"

If looks can kill Brian would be dead. But the expression on Heidi`s face was like someone hit her. She spends a lot of time with the other woman and Heidi found herself happier and relaxing. Drinks and chat were nice and scary at the same time because something in Heidi was changing.

Well. I've arm... developed a... crush on her." Heidi said, blushing. Brian`s eyes widened." But..."

"The idea of the fall…"

Brian's ears perked up, his eyes narrowing in mild confusion.

"The idea of what?" Brian asked, a curious smile stretching his lips as he leaned against the counter.

Heidi swallowed hard and looked up to Brian with such a look of fear that it took Brian's breath away.

He had never seen Heidi scared.

It kind of scared Heidi.

"The idea of falling," Heidi said again, fidgeting with her glass."It's an assessment of love."

Instead of breathing Heidi swallowed this time, she swallowed a big gulp of his glass.

Then another.

And then the whole glass.

They had never said that word, neither of them. It was almost like a profanity, or that's feeling Brian had picked up from Heid ever since they had begun their…..friendahip. To say Brian was shocked and horrified and had no idea how to respond was an understatement.

Heidi continued, her body tense and stiff, Brian noted absentmindedly.

"It is falling in love. Falling." Heidi looked down at her glass.

Brian cocked his head, trying very hard to keep up with Heidi's broken words, but having trouble due to the fact that he felt as if he had been verbally punched in the stomach with a wrecking ball.

"We don't say "rising into love." There is in it the idea of the fall. The fact that we think of love as such a risk that it could be considered falling. The idea of falling in love is the risk of diving off the edge of sanity and into madness, all for the sake of a single person." Heidi almost whispered, her voice losing its volume the more she spoke.

Brian was taken aback by Heidi, so suddenly timid and shy and unsure and Heidi was sure she caught a hint of confusion. Brian put her glass down and walked around the counter.

"Heidi?" Brian ventured.

"I'm so scared of falling, Brian." Heidi suddenly said, leaving Brian speechless again. "I'm so scared of falling and not being able to get back up if the fall is in vain."

Brian's brows furrowed.

"But…" Heidi let out a little huff, or maybe it was a really pitiful laugh.

Brian wasn't sure at this point.

Brian gave Heidi a gentle smile when the woman looked up at him.

"But I'm already falling and now I'm scared I'm going to hit the ground."

There was another comment and soon, both were howling with laughter. The laughter that could be heard from all the way in the corridor.

Michael tried to calm himself. The young man was jealous of Heidi and the time which Brian spent with her.

"Hey Bri," said Michael walking into his office cutting off the moment between Heidi and missed you this week at mom's dinner.

" Wha are doing here?"

" I want to see my best friend, "Mike said glaring at the woman." What she wants here?

" We are working "Brian hoped that would be enough to satisfy Michael's curiosity. His friend was a bit possessive toward Brian and got a bit disoriented when Brian stepped outside of some stereotype of the stud. Brian laughed sadly to himself. He hadn't been that person for quite some time. Michael, however, seemed to have missed that memo.

" Come on, let's go for a drink"

" I don't know if you are blind or stupid but we are working" Heidi spat toward Michael.

"Shut up"

" Mikey.."Brian's tone held a strong warning for his old friend.

Michael's crush where his long-time friend was concerned was glaring.

"Are you _sure_ this guy is a friend of yours, Brian?" Daphne was stunned and angered by the behavior of this obnoxious man.

"I'm his best friend," Michael retorted angrily.

"Well, you sure as hell don't act like it." Yeah, Heidi was pissed.

" Brian, you will allow this bitch to take with such a way"

"Michael shut the fuck up!" Brian himself was angry and embarrassed by the behavior and cruel words of his friend. "Who the hell do you think you are? My mother? I don't think even she would have behaved this badly. And Heidi is a friend and client of mine. Show respect of leave"

"What?" Michael asked, lost- making Brian groan at how slow he could be sometimes... well, most of the time.

"Like I said you are just a boy. You are acting as a child, whose favorite toy was stolen. Making a tantrum, stomping your foot, arms crossed over your chest and pouting like a five-year-old."Heidi sighed tiredly.

* * *

It had been at least ten seconds of feeling suspended in time, of the world freezing around him. She was still breathing, shallow and raspy, blood pounding in her ears.

Across the bar – the bar she had specifically almost run to, in the hopes of catching her – sat Melanie, blissfully unaware of Heidi's piercing, hurt gaze.

As if on cue, those sapphire orbs that constantly captivated him, lifted to meet her eyes.

Surprise.

Confusion.

Joy.

She seemed so happy to see Heidi, even as her fingers were intertwined with another woman's, those foreign lips whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

Melanie was on a date.

Melanie was on a date, and it wasn't with Heidi.

Without warning, Heidi spun on her heel and stormed out of the bar. It wouldn't do for Melanie to see her pain.

The cool night air stung her face, icing the tears before they could fall.

* * *

Brian had been awake most of the night going over the disaster of an evening with Michael at Woody's, trying to make some kind of sense of things. Michael had always been possessive of Brian. That was a given, a known quantity. And Brian was honest enough with himself to recognize his own contribution to the situation. He had, in many ways, led Michael on. Not with promises of some kind of relationship, but simply by not having anyone else in his life that Michael had to compete with. Shit. He realized how very unhealthy that sounded, even to himself. Why would Michael, as a friend, feel he had the right to compete with anyone in Brian's life? Because Brian had allowed it. He had allowed Michael to own the only emotionally supporting role in Brian's life - to be the most important person to Brian, other than Gus. Brian had needed Michael. Michael had needed Brian. It worked.

Until it didn't.

* * *

"It's just... complicated," Justin said in a mix of frustration and sadness.

Luke didn't say anything instead he places his picked up Justin's chin and kissed him, at first Justin was shocked but instead of pulling away he wrapped his arms around Luke's neck and started to kiss him back. However from the distance, Brian saw Justin and Luke kissing and he was shocked and sad, instead of going to Justin he got back in his car grabbed his phone and sent a text to Heidi saying.

" I missed my chance"

-Brian.

* * *

Jennifer stared at Heidi, her jaw dropped and eyes wide. They were sitting in their normal booth at their normal restaurant. It was her favorite place to eat and Jennifer enjoyed bantering with the wait staff who had come to know them by name. They knew their drink orders and often had them at the table before they could both be seated.

"JT?" Heidi asked quietly, her hand wrapped around the stem of her wine glass so tightly it was a wonder it hadn't shattered. " Did you hear me?"

" You fall in love" Jennifer stammered, shocking herself.


	8. Chapter 8

Jennifer stood at the doorway of Heidi'bedroom, om, grinning at the way her face scrunched up in protest, face burrowing into the pillow.

"Wake up, sunshine," Jennifer said gently.

Heidi grunted in response.

"My head hurts," she grumbled, voice muffled by her pillow.

Jennifer couldn't help but laugh in response as he walked toward the bed lay next to her. "Of course it does. You could barely stand when we left Babylon's last night."

"Why didn't you stop me."

"Have you met you?" Jennifer asked with a raised eyebrow, and Heidi opened her eyes to squint at Jennifer. "No one can stop you from doing anything you put your mind to."

Heidi huffed dramatically, eyes falling shut again as she curled into Jennifer, face pressed into her chest.

"I'll get you some aspirin," Jennifer whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of Heidi's head.

"We want a shopping therapy," Said Jennifer when Heidi's phone rang, garnering dirty looks from her friend.

"Sorry," she mumbled, pulling the phone from the nightstand.

Jennifer frowned as she ducked out, knowing it must be work if she was actually taking the call. So much for their Saturday.

Jennifer knew he was right the second Heidi returned, an apologetic look already fixed across her features. "You have to go."

Heidi nodded. "Yeah, sorry."

* * *

Melanie headed over to O`NeialCorp, a few hot city blocks away. Her name got her to the executive floor. Her name and a request for a meeting got her fifteen minutes in a waiting room, a drink offer that he declined, careful scrutiny by a blonde woman who moved like an assassin, and, finally, entrance to Heidi's office.

Heidi rose from her desk as the door closed behind her stunningly beautiful assistant. The blonde had tried to follow Melanie in, but Heidi had waved her back.

"Melanie," Heidi said, walking up to her and standing too close to her. " What you want?"

The brunette called her early wanted to talk.

We Need to Talk

Talk. Talk. How she hated this word. Almost as much as "relationship" or "love" or "commitment". Talking didn't mean anything. It was just a pretense, a false impression that one was doing something to solve this or that problem. In the past, talking to his teachers about what was going on at home only caused her more troubles. Talking about it to Jennifer or her sons maybe made her feel better for a while, but then she had to come back to her home-hell and everything was the same. Even worse, as she was brutally reminded of the things she tried to forget when he was at her best friend's house – the disappointment when these moments of forgetfulness were over was all the bigger.

"What you want?" asked Heidi but she wants to die because the man smelled amazing. Amazing. Heidi was sure she forgot to put on cologne today and maybe she had even run to the subway station because there was this salty rich smell of sweat but also the sweetness. The pure ecstasy of the sweet smell of Melanie… Heidi wanted to die.

"Do you not remember last night?" Melanie nearly shouted at her. "Fuck Heidi." She said softer, removing one of her hands to run it through her normally gelled hair.

Last night, she remembered getting drunk. There was a blur, there was a beeping, there was a slurred confession. But who too?

"Shit." The word came out of her mouth before he could think. She'd called Melanie. She'd called her. Oh, shit. She'd called her. And confessed, these flowery feelings she'd been contemplating for a while now towards the woman.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Heidi said, closing her eyes.

I don't want to talk about this," Heidi said, keeping her gaze fixed on the light horizon.

"You don't have to talk," Melanie said. "But can I?"

Melanie took a deep breath, then spoke. "I don't know if you s have feelings for me," she said softly like she was afraid Heidi would run away if she raised her voice. "I know you did, once. At least, I'm pretty sure you did. Some of my friends obviously thought you did. But lately, that hasn't mattered to me. What matters more is that, for the past few months, you've barely been a part of my life. We used to hang out after a trial or a bug deal you won and I don't have a lot of friends who know me for everything I am. But you know everything. This means you're one of the few people I know I can talk to about anything, without any secrets. You have no idea how invaluable that is to me."

Out of the corner of her eye, Heidi could see that Melan was gazing at him intensely, but Heidi still refused to make eye contact. Shee got the distinct feeling that if she looked into Melanie's eyes now, she would be lost.

Melanie continued. "And besides that, I enjoy your friendship. I like spending time with you. I'd hate to lose that." She paused, letting this sink in. "I hope I don't have to," she then said. It sounded like a question, so Heidi treated it like a question.

Heidi sighed and finally turned to look at Melanie. There were those eyes, looking at her like she was the most important person in the world. Damn Melanie for looking at her like that. "You're incredibly difficult to say no to, you know," Heidi told her, the barest edge of humor in her voice.

Melanie smirked. "Bullshit," he said. "You've done it many times."

"And I should do it again," Heidi said firmly. "Everything that's happened yesterday has only confirmed what I was afraid of."

"And what are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid that things will get complicated," Heidi said. "That we'll both start to care too much and it'll distract not capable of loving. I have a lot of troubles in my life. I have anger and trust issues and..."

And we'll handle them," Melanie said. Her voice had risen in her desperation to communicate her point to a stubborn Heidi. "Together. As friends. Not as two women who used to be friends but stopped seeing each other because they were afraid of things getting 'complicated.' You can handle a little complicated. We both can. Come on, Heidi. You're going to avoid me forever because you don't want things to get complicated? Our lives are complicated!" Her hand left Heidi's shoulder to gesture meaninglessly around them. "And maybe that's a good thing," she said. "Maybe one day…"She shrugged, shook her head, and it was too dark to tell, but she might have even blushed a little. "We can get even more complicated."

Fuck. This was even worse than Heidi had expected. "Melanie—" she said, hoping to cut this off before it went too far. She had no such luck.

"Do you have feelings for me?" Melanie demanded. Heidi was taken aback by her straightforwardness. "Do you?"

Melanie's gaze bore into her, and Heidi couldn't say anything but the truth. "Yes."

Melanie nodded, a bit disjointedly, like she hadn't actually expected Heidi to admit this and was surprised. "I have feelings for you too," she said.

The office was silent around them. Melanie took a step toward Heidi. When Heidi didn't back away from her, she took another, until there were mere inches between them. Melanie's eyes held Heidi's for a very long time before slipping down to her mouth. There was no question of what she was hoping for. Every rational thought in Heidi's head told her to leap off the building and get the hell out of there before she could do something he knew she would regret. But with Melanie standing so close, and looking at her with such sincere desire, it was difficult to be rational.

"Do you mind if I—?" Melanie asked, once again making eye contact (and fuck, he had such nice eyes, why did she have to have such nice eyes). She left the end of her question hanging in the air, the words unspoken but clear.

Heidi knew she should say no. What was more, she knew, if she did say no, Melanie would respect her decision. Shee would back away, they would say their goodbyes, Melanie would take off into the night, and she'd never brought this moment up again. It would be so easy, then, for Heidi to turn her down. And things would stay just the way they were. No hard feelings, no distractions, no conflicts of interest. Just a CEO and a lawyer, ybe even friends. But nothing more.

But how could Heidi say no when everything she'd wanted for so long was being handed to her? Even though she'd known all along that she shouldn't want this, that it wouldn't lead anywhere good. She'd thought so often about this moment, never thinking – not even daring to hope – that it might one day become a reality, that one day she'd be faced with this decision, and she'd have to choose. Would he reach out and take what she wanted, consequences be damned? Or would she make yet another sacrifice for the sake of everyone?

"I should say no," Heidi said quietly, not breaking Melanie 's gaze.

"You can," Melanie assured her.

"I won't."

* * *

He sits in the dark drinking several fingers of Jack Daniels, looking at the clock. It's almost three o'clock in the morning and he can't help imagining Justin coming through the door just under the wire. He wonders who he's sleeping with tonight; if he's already searching for Mr. Perfect who's attentive and romantic and knows just the right things to say to make Justin smile that bright sunshine smile. He remembers how he used to be able to light up his face with the smallest of gestures. It seemed so simple then because Justin didn't expect anything from him but now it's like everything he does is wrong and he can't get anything right.

He can't stop replaying their last conversation over and over in his head.

"If two people don't want the same things, then there really isn't any place for them to grow."

"I guess not…"

"Then why are we still doing this? Then why are we still doing this? Then why are we still doing this?"

"Damned if I know…"

He can't help the tears that are forming in the corners of his eyes but he'll be damned if he's going to cry.

"Why did he even come back? He knows who I am… Did he really think he could change me?" His mind drifts to another conversation.

"That's not who I am…"

"Don't we all know it…?"

He's still staring at the loft door, still wishing it would slide open: wishing he had just said something: anything that night Justin walked out. But he was too angry, angry that Justin couldn't seem to read him anymore: angry that he wasn't enough: angry that he was never going to be enough.

What did he want from me? Who did he see when he looked into my eyes? He closes his eyes and the next image that fills his mind is that of a young Justin swaying to an old ridiculously romantic song in a parking garage.

It was so simple then, those few moments with just the two of them. It was like the rest of the world had stopped and they were finally on the same page. It wasn't hard for him to breathe and for once he could finally open himself up to the one person who truly loved him. That's the only time he can say that he was totally happy and sure of himself, then it was all gone with the swing of a bat. He was so shaken to his core with the realization that it could be all over in a matter of moments. Yes, he's angry that Justin can't remember and he can't help wondering what might have been.

He pours another drink and rolls a joint… pain management, it's all he has left. He's finally lost the two people that mean the most to him and he doesn't know how to get them back. He's restless and can't stand being in the loft at this time of night. He's so alone and everywhere he looks he sees remnants of Justin, of what could have been.

He's drunk and he knows he shouldn't drive, but he does anyway. It's cold outside but he puts the top down on the corvette anyway, he likes the cool breeze blowing through his hair. He drives out on some country road, speeding at twice the speed limit, tempting danger, willing this feeling of despair to take him to another place. The road changes from blacktop to gravel and the car spins and sways out of control. He knows that he's going to crash and he looks forward to finally ending all this pain. He doesn't even try to brake or steer the car for control as it twists and rolls over and over and over.

And then it's quiet and the only sound that he hears is his heart beating out of control and the blood seeping from his veins. His life flashes before his eyes in short segments - his father yelling and hitting him: his mother praying for him while cursing him for being an abomination: Michael pining for him, never understanding that he could never love him the way he wants. Then he sees Gus looking up at him as he holds him the night he was born and Justin and his dancing, practically floating around that ballroom with his beautiful smile, so open and inviting he feels love for the first time in his life. He so desperately wants to hold on to that feeling but everything goes blank.

He awakes and he's cold, so very cold and he doesn't know where he is. He's lying in tall grass looking up at the sky. He can't move and everything feels surreal. He has no idea what time it is but it's still dark and he's frightened. He's finally conscious that he's hurt. He lifts his hand and sees blood everywhere but his mind flashes to a white silk scarf and him holding Justin as he waits for the ambulance. But there's no ambulance coming for him as he lays waiting, taking his final breaths.

There are so many things he wants to do. So many things he needs to say. He lays there making lists in his mind of what he would do if he had another chance. Fuck no apologies, no regrets, he has so many… He would swallow his foolish pride. He'd finally stop running from love and go after Justin and tell him how he really feels even if it is too late and he still walks away. At least he would have told him and Justin wouldn't have to always wonder…

His breathing is becoming rapid and he thinks he hears something rustling in the tall grass. He closes his eyes, imagining some wild animal coming to feast on his bloody carcass. He holds his breath as the sound gets closer until he sees a shadow standing over him. It's a farmer from down the road, with a blanket who covers him up. He starts to panic as he feels the cotton covering his face and wonders if he's really dead. This can't be it. He has so many things he needs to do before he dies but then he's calm as his mind drifts into oblivion.

He's sweating profusely as he bolts straight up and looks around, the adrenaline still coursing through his veins and his breathing erratic. He tries to calm himself as he looks around the loft realizing that he passed out on the sofa. He still can't shake the eerie feeling and he knows there's only one thing he can do.

Brian steeled himself, taking a deep breath before knocking on Justin's familiar apartment door. It felt like far too long since he'd been here, far too long since he'd seen Justin's smile, heard his laugh. His stomach bubbled in anticipation, a smile fighting its way onto his lips.

Justin answered the door in sweats and a light t-shirt, looking fresh from a shower, and for a moment Brian's heart stopped at the sight.

"You're back," Justin said dumbly, staring at him as though he couldn't quite believe his eyes.

"I'm back," Brian confirmed with a teasing smile. "Are you going to let me in?"

"Oh," Justin hesitated, blush crawling up his neck. "Erm, this kinda isn't a great time, Kinney."

Brian opened his mouth to respond, something about how his apartment can't be any worse state than usual when he was cut off by another voice in the apartment.

"Who is it, Justin?"

He could taste the bitterness in his words before he'd even spoke them. "Did it take you long to move on from me?"

Justin's face twisted, hurt and anger flashing through his eyes, battling for dominance. " Fuck you, Kinney. I loved you so much it hurt. But one-sided love can only sustain one for so long and one day you stop waiting and start forgetting. I forgot; I forgot the rush I felt whenever we won a case, forgot the endorphins that would curse through my body whenever you smiled at me, forgot that you were once everything I dreamed of. I forgot and moved on." Justin stood up and walked towards Brian, taking on his hand on his own.

Our time together has been one of the best – no, the best – of my life and I´ll be thankful to you for the rest of my life. Everything I have; everything I am is because of you and that is a debt I´ll owe you for the rest of my life. But our time together has come to an end, as sad as this is. I´m happy and one day you´ll be happy, too. And maybe then we can meet again and look back at this time of our lives with fondness."

Brian didn't want to hear whatever justification was on the tip of his tongue. Deep down he knew he had no right to expect loyalty from someone whose heart he'd broken, and he left before he could hear it laid out for him.


	9. Chapter 9

This was a dark place. Really fucking dark. And not a place Brian Kinney ever thought he'd be. This was why he didn't do boyfriends. He didn't do love. He didn't do commitment. Because when you do boyfriends...love...commitment...you let yourself get attached. When you do boyfriends, you hope and pray they won't ever leave you. Because if they do, you'll feel like your soul has been torn out and you have nothing left to live for. That's exactly where Brian was at this moment.

Brian rolled over in bed, alone, thankful it was Saturday so he didn't have to make a decision between calling in "sick" or going into work and faking it - pretending that everything was okay when it was anything but. He was sick of putting on a mask every day - the mask he wore for others' benefit as much as his own. He didn't need them worrying about him, trying to pull him out of the dark place that had become almost comfortable at this point.

Brian just wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to see anyone. He knew he was isolating himself and had been for most of the past two months, but he didn't really want to do anything about it. He was intelligent enough to know that this was depression - he was so damn tired all the time that all he wanted to do was sleep, and absolutely nothing interested him anymore.

Hell, he wasn't even interested in going out to Woody's anymore. Going to Babylon reminded him too much of dancing with Justin, or giving each other blow jobs in the back room, so he was content to let his staff run things and took a hands-off approach when it came to the club. And then there was Kinnetik, his baby. His ad agency that Justin had given a name to. The job he'd always been so wrapped up in now felt like he was just going through the motions, counting down the minutes until 5 p.m., when he could go home and drink Jim Beam straight from the bottle and miss his lover in peace.

Brian cursed him "if you love something, let it go" philosophy and where it had gotten him this time. He knew that Justin needed a chance to strike out on his own, be his own man.

didn't care about anyone but himself. Just a selfish prick. That persona felt so foreign at this point. There was no denying that it would have kept him safer if he'd managed to keep those walls up and not let Justin in, but at what cost? How would things have been different?

He couldn't go back and change the past, but even if he could, the future would have been so different. Sure, he might have saved himself the turmoil he was going through right now, but what else would he have missed out on in the meantime? He couldn't deny how it felt to hold Justin in their bed after a good fuck. How it felt to join their lips together in a passionate kiss. How much he missed running his fingers through Justin's soft blond locks. The feel of Justin's warm body beside him in the bed. How he loved just gazing into Justin's eyes - seemingly endless pools of deep blue.

Brian tried to shake the memories out of his mind as he shuffled into the kitchen for a glass of water, his head pounding with a hangover from all of the whiskey he'd consumed the night before. He knew he was self-medicating, but it was what he'd always done. He managed his pain with alcohol, drugs, and sex. But this time, he didn't feel like sex. There were too many memories at Babylon to go there and try to pick up some hard drugs, and he still didn't feel like going to Woody's because then he'd have to face his friends. With sex and drugs off the table, that left alcohol to stand alone.

Michael would come by the loft sometimes to check on him. There was only one person who knew him better than Michael did, and that person was dating Melanie. As much as Brian wanted to ignore Michael's knocking on the big, metal door, he knew Michael wouldn't go away that easily. Besides, Michael had a key and would eventually force his way in, leaving Brian with a lot more explaining to do than if he just answered the door and pretended to be coping at least halfway okay with the situation.

So the mask would go back on, he'd let Michael in, and they'd sit on the couch and talk. Most of the time, Brian managed to make believable enough small talk to satisfy Michael so he'd go on his way. This time was different.

"How are you?"

"Peachy."

"You don't look peachy."

"I'm fabulous, Mikey," Brian insisted, trying his best to make his voice sound confident, or at least aloof. "You don't have to take care of me you know. I'm not your responsibility. Go back to your husband and your happy little family. I'll be alright."

"Yeah, I can see that," Michael said, his voice laden with sarcasm. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks."

"I haven't." The words were out of Brian's mouth before he could stop them - probably his subconscious trying to unload some of this burden onto someone else, and Michael was here, so he was it. "Not really."

"What's going on?"

"What the hell do you think is going on, Michael?" Might as well go for broke now, he thought, as he stood up to loom at his full height over Michael's smaller form sitting on his Italian leather sofa. "Do I have to spell it out for you? I fucking loved him, okay. It might have taken me forever to say it out loud, but I've loved him for a long time. And he fucking left me."

"You were the one who insisted he should go, remember?"

"You think I don't remember? Believe me, Michael, I know. And I regret it every single fucking day!"

Michael looked struck by the fact that Brian had admitted this out loud, but his expression was devoid of any sort of surprise. Brian knew Michael had his number on this one.

"Ted said you've been calling in sick to work a lot lately."

Brian shrugged as he sank back down onto the sofa and put his aching head in his hands.

"I'm worried about you," Michael continued his voice barely above a whisper. "We all are. I wish you'd talk to somebody."

" I need a coffee"Brian said out of blue making Michael smiled.

* * *

Heidi closed her laptop with a wide smile on her face before taking a sip of her glass as she looked over her phone waitin for a phone call from her.

Melanie Marcus.

Heidi told herself for years she didn't believe in love. She never dated anyone. She had occasional one night stands. She was content. And then she met her

Melanie is caring, and kind, everything Heidi is not. Heidi doesn't know how she ever lived without the lawyer by her side.

It was scared the shit out of her.

Love...

There are two types of people in the world. There are people who take love for granted, and then there are others who don't even know what the word means.

Love. The big four-lettered words used almost every day by almost everyone. Many people don't understand the importance of the word, but they use it for every little thing without even thinking twice about it. And then there are the remaining. The people who crave to hear the word. The ones who dedicate their lives to the important people in their life but never get anything but pain in return. The word love is foreign to them, but thence the pain in stuck to them like glue. They search for someone, anyone to show them the littlest affection, and care. They search for a person who will utter the word even just one time, but most of the time, the search for that special person who makes you feel happy, who satisfies your hunger, and cravings for love, is never found. TOf fetal because let's are real, life isn't a fairy tale, in fact, it's the complete opposite. It it was a fairy tale, Heidi O`Neail would not be a cold heartless bitch, she would be happy, and the words I love you would actually exist in her life.

The gentle touches, the passionate kisses, the exchange of I love you's would be a part of her life and not just a wish that never gets completed. Heidi O`Neil was pretty sure she was living a nightmare, only her nightmare was the person that he once loved, the person that once gave hee passionate kisses, told her she loved her and made her feel special. The person who also gave her pain, and bruises, and scars that Heidi just can't seem to get rid of.

No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't escape reality. The reality that seemed to have become one horrifying nightmare and no one can save her from this.

No one.

It always began the same way. The same dream. The same person.

Ace Vouge. Her husband.

Her ex-husband

Her dead ex-husband.

Heidi meant Ace when she was 15 at a bar, that he and his friends snuck into for her 15th birthday. Ace was 21 at the time and was attracted to Heidi the minute she walked into the door. It took all of 5 minutes for Ace to work his charm, that combined with liquor. Ace and his friends managed to talk Heidi and his friends into coming back to Ace's apartment to hang out. Before Heidi knew it he was in Ace bed being pounded into the sheets, trying to hold back the scream that wanted to come out. She didn't understand what her friends were talking about when they said sex was amazing, because this was painful. Ever since that night that has been together. Heidi found out she was pregnant 3 months later and soon as Heidi was 18, Ace married her and moved to New York.

When the baby came, didn't survive (mainly because Ace didn't care if it did), Heidi fell into depression. She has been with depression pills for two years. She was putting up with his abusing behavior and rapes because she had the thought of she was deserved it.

But one day, HHeidii turned into the devil herself. He tied up the man into a chair and for days she was torturing with electric shock, struck him with a bat and pulled out his nails with tannins.

Thank her, Deckard Shaw was a good friend and a rmer British military officer turned mercenary who helped her with the body and blood. She played well the role of a sad widow during the funeral and a couple of days later, before taking millions of her ex and vanish toward in Italy.

Her past abuse was the main reason behind the adoption of Brandon and Todd. She saw the pain in their eyes knowing how it is to be hurt by a person that says it loves you.

Todd and Brandon was the most beautiful and important addition to her . Besides Jennifer, Justin, Daphne, and Molly.

"Heidi."

Without bothering to knock, Melanie enters her girlfriend's office without hesitation.

"Melanie."

"Heidi." Melanie gained her attention by calling her name again, now standing in front of her desk looking worried. "I heard that you are in a very bad mood today."

Of cour was in a bad mood. It's another stressful day for Heidi when another of her employees made a mistake in her calculation and almost ruined the financial budget for her advertising team. For god sake, all of the people who served her company were supposed to be one of America's elites. There is only a 10% chance of success of getting employment here so he already expects the best from each of them. If it wasn't for her son's curiosity in checking people's work, they would have gotten into big trouble. What kind of person is stupid enough to add another '0' to the project budget?

But. Damn it. Why can't her employees just stop spreading words around and just focus on their job? It seems that it is time to fire everyone and replace them with better people. Or she could just replace them with machines since people nowadays are annoying and always get on his nerves. Unlike her beloved sons and Jennifer. That doesn't sound too bad, it will teach those peasants to behave appropriately next time.

"It's none of your concern, M." Trying to play it cool, Heidi still can't control her emotion as she roughly types on his keyboard. Trying to finish her work for the day. "I just fired some people due to their own mistakes."

Sighing, Melanie comes closer until she is at Heidi's side. Placing both her hands on Heidi's cheeks before making the CEO turns her head around so they will face one another. And the typing stop as Heidi waits for what Melanie wanted to say. Their eyes locked onto one another and her face softens as Melanie presences always lifted her bad mood from her harsh life.

"You have been stressing yourself with work this couple of days. I'm getting worried."

Damn.

Melanie always knows how to make Heidi do whatever she wants. If Melanie had told Heidi to sell the company, Heidi would have done it willingly without a blink of an eye just to make her beloved happy. If she asked Heidi for the world, without hesitation the CEO would serve it on a silver platter for Melanie to enjoy. As her beloved is the most precious thing she has in the world. It is known to everyone inside and outside on how much she treasures, going as far as to share half her company stock for the blond to keep. This isn't just to show her love but to ensure that her allies won't dare to hurt her beloved in order to keep the alliance and power.

All of this for her one and only love.

Just looking at her made Heidi want her so badly. Heidi was starting to wonder if she was getting in over her head.

Maybe Jennifer was right.

What does it mean when...

Do you trust her?

Heidi trust Melanie with her sons. She suggested Brandon works with Melanie. She left someone to close to her sons. Heidi O`Neil prefer to die than let someone close to them.

Do you have faith in her?

She has faith in Melanie during a hard case. Melanie puts her passion and her heart in every case.

Do you need her?

Melanie was the person who helped with nightmares of Ace.

You can`t lose her?

She almost lost her mind when Melanie was not in her eyes-sight during a Pride Parade.

Do you care about her?

Yes

And you protect her?

Heidi punched a prick who harassment Melanie at work.

"Would you like to have lunch with me?" Melanie snuggle closer to her girlfriend, fingers playing with Heidi short brown hair. "It's been so long since we last go out for a meal."

"Of course, Mel." Kissing the palm of Melanie's hands,

You love her.

Fuck.

* * *

It was an ordinary day at the O` Neil mansion...or was it? Heidi just got home from visiting one of her clients. She looked and noticed Justin's car sitting out front. She ran upstairs towards living toom and she was about to enter when she heard strange noises.

"All you have to do is say those three magic words."

"Fuck you"

"Language"

"Whom the actual sexual intercourse?"

"What?"

Heidi loved just how vicious her sons could be with just words; they supposed that when you had her sons and Daphne in the fam then a certain amount of vicious barbs would be traded.

"Mom! Hi!" Todd exclaimed loudly, alerting his sibling and cousins. Molly froze almost comically, with her hands wrapped around Daphne's neck, and Bradon's wide eyes flicked to his before a smile spread on his lips. A not-so-innocent smile, because even when he was a kid, Bradon was never good at looking innocent. He certainly didn't look innocent now, one hand in Daphne`s, as if she was getting ready to smash them together.

Heidi just grunted in response, and in hindsight, that was probably her first mistake.

"Uh… everything okay, mom? You're not still bummed out about the deal, are you?" Brandon asked cautiously.

Heidi sighed. "I'm fine, son. I just have some… things, on my mind."

The younger O`Neil gave him a look. "Doesn't sound like work-related things... " Usually his mother would have been halfway through a rant about how incompetent her employees were if that were the case.

"No. Decidedly not work-related things," Heidi confirmed in a low voice.

Bradon furrowed his brow at him. "Did I do something wrong?"

Heidi seemed a little startled at that, actually bothering to look up. "What? No, Bradon. It wasn't anything you did. It's someone else."

Brandon was even more confused. "So you're upset about a someone, and it's not about the deal, but it's also not about work? You hardly ate dinner last night and you've been quiet all morning. What else could-?" He thought for a moment before a light came to his eyes. "Oh my gosh, are you in love!"

Heidi glared at him, but his tone faltered. "What? That's ridiculous… how could you possibly draw that conclusion?"

With love word Molly, Todd and Daphne run out of the room. Brandon 's eyes lit up and he pointed at his brother accusingly. "Aha! It's true! You're lovesick!"

Heidi groaned. "We're not having this conversation."

"I can't believe it. My mother, the stone statue, is in love." The boy gawped.

"Love? You're making it sound like we're in grade school." Heidi muttered."Love is a very strong word, son"

Brandon sighed dramatically. "Yeah, you're the worst about that. Maybe you're aromantic."

"Son..."

"Mother.."

"You're in love with her."

The words hang in the air between them, absurd, ridiculous. Heidi can hardly believe himself capable of love at the moment, cannot imagine it of any version of herself. But as soon as Brandon says it, he knows he's right, can feel the truth of it on his tongue.

"We're done here."

Brandon doesn't watch her go, won't give her the satisfaction, but when she senses Brandon has reached the door, she says "Avoiding it won't make it any less true."

In answer, the door to the room swings closed.


	10. Chapter 10

Heidi was sitting at dinner with a file on her hands. It was a difficult day as her financial advisers messed up with her new project and were very close to firing all her employees.

But it was only that. Two days ago she sent Justin to the London School of Economics against his wishes. It was a good opportunity for Justin to learn about real life and hard working. Justin was a kid without limits by his parents especially Greg, the boy was nothing like hers. Todd and Brandon came from broken homes without love and caring but they became two wonderfull adults with good careers and life but Todd fought to be a doctor and Brandon fought during his time at Harvard.

Justin had privileges that other kids don't have. He never fights for something to do expect, c, Brian Kinney.

Love makes us act like we are fools.

Justin runs after a man who rejected him million times but the younger boy did not have self-respect in his bones. Brian grew up in a broken house without love like her and her boys, he built walls around his heart and no one has to go through it.

Brian Kinney prides himself on being kind of a dick, and on having no use whatsoever for monogamous relationships, so you know things aren't going to go well for lovesick teenager Justin after he loses his virginity to Brian.

While most of their early dynamic is built around Brian rebuffing Justin and Justin eagerly coming back for more like a masochistic kicked puppy, Brian's MO is quietly caring a lot about people while openly treating them with contempt.

Out of blue, a voice asked from behind her.

"You come here often?" The woman asked Heidi as she sat next to her.

Heidi leaned in a lowered his voice seductively "Was that a pick-up line?"

The woman rolled her eyes with a small smirk "No, it was a genuine question,"

"I don't think it was," Heidi said quietly without knowing that Tucker and Jennifer walked into dinner.

Tucker has his arm around Jennifer while the woman laughing. They came back from their date and they stay at Tucker condo out of the town while Justin was in London and Molly with Daphne stayed with Todd.

"Hey Jen," says Debbie throwing her hands around the woman. " I missed you. You have been lost our dinner for two weeks"

Jennifer has moved away from Novotny`s family because they were toxic. Michael was a brat who always cry because Brian does not pay enough attention to him and the red hair woman almost said that she can raise her son well. And about the fact that her real best friend, Heidi, was back it was a good time to remember her real self. Before Greg, before Justin.

The first thing they had done after the arrived of Heidi, was go out for dance and drink. Jennifer remembered the time when she had blue hair and nose piercing accompanied by weed and dunks.

Greg made her feel like the lady of the manor and almost destroyed her relationship with her a gay was not a bad thing and Jennifer never had homophobic thoughts but she was afraid of Brian Kinney.

The first thought about him was a a male version of Heidi O`Neil. Jennifer had known how cruel can be a human being because of Heidi. The woman never cares about t people's feelings, especially the people she fucks. One of her lovers committed suicide because Heidi turned down for a date.

"Where is sunshine?" asked the red hair woman. It was almost three months from the last time they saw Justin. It kinda worrying.

" I sent him away," Heidi. " And don't start bitching and moaning because I will kill someone"

Everyone looked at Heidi trying to figure out what she said while Jennifer was laughing.

"I don't know what you are talking about" Jennifer squeals.

"Sweethearts, I think before Tucker moves in you should seriously consider soundproofing your bedroom." Heidi looks at them. "Then you can scream, roar and invoke deities as loud as you want."

" Heidi!" Jennifer goes as red as a tomato.

"Told you. You were being too loud." Tucker smirks.

"Not just her dear." Heidi grins.

"Touché, Heidi touché."

Jennifer nods. "Heidi sent Justin in London "

"Sent him" Debbie hissed. " You let this woman sent your son away"

"Yes."Jennifer responded as she crossed her arms." Like I said before, I trust Heidi with my life. My kids love her and Justin must learn a lesson about real life.

" Lesson?" Emmett asked curiously.

"This boy must to"Heidi stands up and points his finger at Jennifer." You make him too weak. He must fight about his future and not because his aunt is rich Justin can have whatever wants"

" You sent Brandon to Harvard and because of your relationship with Jessica Pearson he has been work here for 7 years." Jennifer grins at Heidi." And Harvey Specter- Ross want..."

"Shut up!" Heidi winces. "I was so close to killing him. This asshole wants to take my son away"

"Oh stop it!" Jennifer wipes her eyes, trying to control her uncontrollable laughter. "Harvey wanted to adopt Brandon not to steal him. Besides you like Harvey Specter"

" What can I say?" Heidi looks at Jennifer like she's still crazy."I love the old bastard like a brother..."

_FLASHBACK_

_"Stay away from Heidi"_

_Melanie looked up then, away from the photographs scattered haphazardly on the desk in front of her; the desk that was currently the only thing separating herself from Jennifer Taylor as she worked._

_"W – what?"_

_Well, that was a start. Melanie figured that was probably all she could manage right now, anyway._

_Jennifer sighed and looked down at her._

_"C'mon Melanie, don't pretend like you don't know."_

_" She is a robot, Melanie" Jennifer meets the other woman's eyes firmly. "You are so naive just like the others. You look at her and see a powerful woman with beautiful eyes but you don't know her like me. You think you can convince Heidi that she's something she's not. Heidi is not sweet or caring and kind or someone you can toy with. She picks and chooses your moral standards however they fit her. She cares about money, her family and herself"A familiar anger starts to simmer in her guts and he forces it down, not willing to let it flare up again."Yeah. She's smiling. But don't let that fool you. Look into her eyes. She's breaking inside"_

_That being said Jennifer also knew Melanie was close to bursting a blood vessel._

_" I have seen the other side of her," said Melanie as the façade slipped. She couldn't help it. "And you know her so well," she drawled, with a smirk and a tone that could freeze her glared at her._

_"Better than you!" Jennifer said._

_"Really?"_

_" She does not know how to love," she said, pointing her finger at Melanie, accusingly, "She has been loved by her sons and us only for years. Heidi is extremely arrogant and self-centered with little time for anybody beyond herself."She took a deep breath, lowered her voice. "Why do you want to hurt be hurt simply for her own amusement? "_

_` I would not hurt her and I would not break her heart ."Melanie grumbled flippantly under his breath. For just a second when Jennifer looked at her then, Melanie thought she might punch her in the face and flinched back from the aggression she read in Jennifer's posture._

_" You are an idiot," She said, pointing at the younger with an accusatory finger." No one can hurt Heidi O`Neil and you can't break something that doesn't exist"_

_Finally, she left, slamming the door in her wake._

_END FLASHBACK_

Then she heard it—the sound of a chuckle, deep, happy, and the answering giggle, sweet, feminine. Melanie wants to break something. Mainly this woman's face. Who does she think she is, strutting over to her table and throwing an arm over Heidi's shoulder like they're old buddies.

The woman's whispering in Heidi's ear now and Heidi is staring at her with a smirk, it might burst into flames. Melanie's ready to chuck the table out the window.

"Melanie," Ted says beside her.

"What?" Melanie says without looking because there is no way in hell she's looking away from Heidi just in case she needs to get rid of this person.

"Are you trying to strangle your beer?"

Yeah, okay, so Melanie might be holding the neck of her beer bottle a little tighter than necessary. That's just so she can throw it at this woman'ss head if Heidi just gives her the signal.

She tightens her grip on her drink and takes a long pull of the beer that tastes like watered-down ginger ale.

"You good, Melanie?" Ted asks to his left.

"Fine," she lies.

A look of shock passes over his face. "Are you jealous?"

"No. I'm headed home now."

Melanie slams down cash on the table for her drink and grabs her coat so she can get out of here before her heartbreaks.

Jennifer sighed, staring down at her hands. She looked back towards the door, knowing Melanie was somewhere outside licking wounds that she probably didn't even understand how she'd gotten, and thought Melanie might actually be the perfect person for 'maybe someday.' She smiled down at her own jagged fingernails.

* * *

"What am I to you? "Melanie suddenly asked, when she walked into Heidi`s office.

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I asked. Am I just some… distraction or do you actually feel something for me?" Melanie whispered and Heidi could hear the sadness and anger in her voice.

"To put it simply, yes. Why do you ask? I thought our arrangement was pretty clear," Heidi just asked, fearing for the worst and not getting disappointed.

"I'm tired of living like this. I have actual feelings for you Heidi, and I think I'm not the only one."

"I'm a robot, Melanie,," Heidi said and finally looked at the woman in front of her. Melanie was trying to hide it but Heidi could see that she was so close to falling apart. Somehow, that left her feeling a bit odd "I wouldn't make you happy. Jennifer and Todd explicitly warned you about this, or so Justin told me."

"I don't care what anyone else says, you make me happy."

"Sure, and that's why you're almost crying," Heidi huffed and fury lit behind Melanie's eyes."What do you want from me, Melanie?"

And that was the question. Melanie didn't know, not really. Right now? The truth. But Heidi meant more than in the moment, she was asking a fully cocked question that Melanie didn't have a whole answer for.

"I want an answer."

"And what if you don't like it?"

Melanie hadn't thought of that. She rushed over here like a hurricane, her emotions strung, and all self-control gone. She had no set purpose, she just needed to be here tonight. And now she was here, opened her mouth and started all of this off and she never once considered she might not like the answer. Or, what would happen after? She never let herself slip so far, but Heidi did things to her he couldn't understand.

Heidi turned to finally face Melanie, drink in hand. She always had a face that projected a very distinct dark side, one that Melanie always imagined would have been in her nightmares if Heidi had turned out any other way. She was a force of destruction barely contained under the surface. Controlled energy channeled into everything the woman did. And right now, influenced by Whiskey and leverage, all her energy was channeled at Melanie. Unkept and running wild through the cracks in her façade. She was dangerous like this, unpredictable and held all the power to crush Melanie into the dust. And the frightening thing is, Heidi wouldn't think twice to do it.

"What if you don't like the answer?" Heidi repeated, staring relentlessly. Nothing but cold in her blue eyes, nice. They reminded Melanie of the artic. "You never even thought about that, did you? You just came here tonight with no judgment, no plan. And that's your problem, you never think."

Melanie watched as Heidi huffed ever so slightly before taking a sip, seemingly done with her. She didn't know what to say because it was true. What would he do if she didn't like it? She couldn't live with hope anymore. It would be gone. She would be left with nothing to hold onto except cold words.

" love you, Heidi." She admitted, grabbing the woman's arm. She was facing her back, saw as a splash of Whiskey hit the floor from the abrupt stop. Heidi said nothing. "Even if you lie to me, even if the answer I want is a lie to you. I know you feel the same."

"The truth is I don't love you." Heidi spat, and it hit Melanie harder than she thought. She would have believed it too, the coldness in his voice. The absolute solidity of her words. Except she paused. "I never loved you."

Melanie let go of her arm, his words stabbing deep.

_"Love_ makes us sick, hunt our dreams, destroys our days. Love had killed more than any disease" Heidi said cruelly and turned to sit down in front of the little mirror to reapply her make up. Of course, Melanie had started crying now and was looking at Heidi as if seeing her for the first time.

"Why are you so cruel?"

"I play the role I've been given," Heidi said and rolled her eyes. " I love only 6 people in my life and you, you are not one of them. I am the bad guy and as such I'm just not capable of loving you back. And I think it would be great if we stopped seeing each other. You got too attached and that's just annoying ... I can't do this anymore. "

"Do you even realize what you are doing to me?" Melanie asked and choked on a sob. Something inside Heidi's chest twisted, but it was probably just inconvenience. It would be hard to find another creature that was so full of darkness and passion.

"I'm finishing our agreement," Heidi simply said and walked over to Melanie, catching a tear with her fingertip, "It's a shame you got attached, really. What we had was nice, but nothing more than fucking."

"Thanks, Heidi. Thanks a lot. That's like a knife to my heart" Melanie whispered, holding a hand to her chest where her heart was. Heidi rolled her eyes.

"Are you done?" Heidi asked. Melanie bit her lip.

"Yes. I'm done. I'm done with you. It's over" Heidi whispered.

"Get out," Heidi hissed and in truth, she just couldn't watch Melanie leave without breaking down completely. When she heard the door shut she crumbled down to her knees, finally allowing herself a moment of weakness. Her broken sobs echoed through the room and she was all alone…

One hour later Heidi was a mess. Her make-up was streaked to clown-like proportions. Her straggled hair hung over her face as she wept with great broken sobs. Guilt tore at her for her own part in this. Melanie was the only person who had ever seen inside her, who had ever just accepted her for who she was and didn't want her to change. Heidi wasn't sure if she was supposed to be happy or sad about her time with Melanie. Truth was, it didn't really matter.

Between a life that we expected and the way, it's always been...

That about summed it up. Heidi was a woman caught between two worlds. She never once imagined she would end up here- realizing he had fallen in love with Melanie just in time to send her away because of her fear. She had rejected Melanie's presence because of that penetrating insight. She was terrified Melanie would look too closely and see something awful. People called her a bitch because she wanted them to because it was safe to be a bitch. Melanie saw past that, and worshipped what she saw…so Heidi pushed Melanie away before she saw anything else…rejected hee before she could reject Heidi…it just had to be that way.

Heidi learned a long time ago that the world could be cruelbutts wewereture. So, was it better to have loved and lost- or never to have loved at all? Hell, if she knew.

" Heidi " A male mutters, voice so quiet Heidi has to strain to hear him.

Getting closer to the woman, her hands shake when she places them softly on Brian's chest. Seeing her so vulnerable always brought up mixed emotions; on the one hand, he'd always felt privileged to be permitted to see Heidi like this, but he also hated seeing him anything short of her usual confident self.

"Why are you here Brian? You supposed to be with Mickey Moose"

"I'm exactly where I want to be"He stood and walked over to her." He's jealous of you. Of the friendship we have. "

"What makes you say that?" she asked, her brow furrowed.

"Some things he's said lately." Like, go find your girlfriend. "He's jealous of you, too, but it's on a lesser level."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Heidi, Mickey and I have been two against the world for as long as I can remember. We didn't let anyone in. Not all the way." He gazed deeply into her stunning eyes. "Until you. I found you first, true, and there's no denying the way w work together. Like extensions of each other. That's what he and I do. That's what you and I ... do. In all our lives together, the only other person who has broken all the way through has been you. "

She blinked at him for a moment, and then a huge grin spread across her face." Why are you here?"

"I came to see you, Heidi." A pouty smile formed on his face as he spoke, and Heidi shook her head.

"Stop with the act, Brian. We both know you're better than this… façade. You're intelligent, you're ambitious, and you can go far in the world. So, again, why are you here?"

Brian frowned, and just like that the perfect man everyone saw vanished before her eyes, leaving behind someone who was a little more broken, a little more approachable. A little more, for want of a better word, human. And it made Heidi smile despite herself.

"Hey, Bri." She watched him as he watched her, neither giving an inch. Seconds turned to minutes which turned to seemingly endless hours upon hours.

"How are you, Heidi?" he asked her, eyes searching her for any hint of a lie.

"Drink?" She shrugged.

He laughed. "God yes."

They were seated on his couch, in his condo, their knees touching a little as they talked over Justin and Melanie.

"You sent him away" He nearly topples and whines pathetically.

" It was the best for all of us" She tilted her head at him, attempted to catch his eye." Justin was with someone else and you needed to move on. It was the best idea I had during this time, plus, I pay for his college"

He ran a finger down his nose, placed his drink on the table. Avoided her gaze. "I'm actually ok. It was... rough for a while." Her heart squeezed. "But you were right. and I just... I realized...-"

"That you had a life before him?" She kept her gaze steady

He paused, looking at her the way he did sometimes like she might be a wizard. Smiled. Looked back at his hands. "So, how's... ugh. About Melanie"

She paused, really looking at him. She looked down his arms, back up his chest and to his face. Sighed.

"Love is a weird thing like you just pick a human and you`re like you I like this one. I` ll let them ruin my life "She smirked."To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed "

His eyes flicked over to hers and away before she could hold them. He focused on his hands which were loosely clasped in front of him. "All the following are true. a) You love him. b) He loves you.c) You just are not ready to be loved like this."

She felt him growing tense at her scrutiny so she switched gears, determined to adhere to the detached affectionate tone that he had set.

She had leaned in, one hand grabbing his shirt. She crushed her mouth to his before she even thought it through. She tasted scotch. She knew she would. He made a strangled noise and she bit his lip. She stepped closer to him and her hands slid up his neck, fingers grazing the hair there. She wasn't even thinking, going on instinct as her tongue pushed into his mouth and the noise he made shot right through her. His hands had been hovering in the air from the shock of her kiss but they both moved after that, instinctively grabbing her waist and dragging her so close to him that their hips crashed into each other. She groaned and ground herself into him. She needed-

Abruptly she ripped herself from him, took a whole step back, one hand flying to her mouth. He looked completely shocked, his own hand meeting his reddened mouth, then rubbing down his jaw. He took a step toward her, stopped.

She was the first one to find some air.

"I am so sorry. I have no idea- II didn't and can too." She took a breath. "Brian. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Brian said with a soft smile.

* * *

**Brian** woke to the irritating buzzing of his phone and one of the worse hangovers he'd ever experienced. God, how much had he had to drink?

He grimaced as he fumbled to grab his cell phone where it lay discarded on his nightstand.

Rubbing tiredly at his eyes, he rubbed his aching eyes and his mind wandered back to the amazingly intense dream he'd had. Damn it, they were getting worse.

"Hello?" he rasped, his throat hoarse. His entire body was aching as he shoved himself up, determined to ignore the angry throbbing behind his temples. His eyes were still closed as he tried to relieve some of the pressure.

"Brian? Where the hell are you?" Mickey's voice broke through the speakers, sounding far too loud to Brian's ears.

He groaned and winced, shifting slightly where he was and frowned. There was something warm pressed up against him, and he realized vaguely that it was breathing. God help him... He nearly forgot about the phone pressed to his ear as his mind began panicking.

He hadn't picked up some random woman last night, had he? His memory was fuzzy as he struggled to pull the events of the previous night back to his mind. All he got were flashes from Heidi, broken hearts, whiskeys, ancccconfessionsnssssnsns,

But sane dream he'd had about Heidi and there was no way Heidi O` Neil was laying in his bed. Right?

"Brian?" Michael spoke again, a frown clear in his voice as Brian cracked his aching eyes open for the first time and looked down. Whoever was beside him had their head turned away him, face buried in the pillow. But a slender, pale arm was thrown over Brian's exposed midsection and he nearly cried when he smelled the familiar woman's aroma

Oh, God...

He had slept with Heidi O` Neil.

Before he could fully comprehend what that meant, Michael once again broke his train of thoughts. "Bri? Are you there?"

Brian` s voice came out more hostile than he'd meant for it too. "What?" he snapped, scowling into the phone? This was not something he wanted to deal with at the moment. Waking up hung-over with his leader in his bed was bad enough without a call from his pissed off mate.

It took him a moment to reply, clearly thrown by the anger in his voice. "I was just calling to ask if you were ok?''

''No. Last night I found Heidi in her office wanted a drink with me and went to a bar but hinges were taken out of their control and I discovered that the I can get a headache''

''With her? 'Asked Michael and he sighed, feeling depression sinking back in again.."

"I know." Brian sighed, rubbing a hand over his face raggedly. 'Do not worry my love in a while I'll be there''

He let his hand fall as he quickly came up with some excuse to get off the phone and turned to look down at the young woman lying beside him. What the hell had he done? What had he been thinking?

Stupid, stupid, stupid... He berated himself angrily, knowing he'd just done one of the most reckless, irresponsible things in his entire life. What on earth had possessed him to do that?

It occurred to him, once he realized that Heidi was in fact not some strange hallucination, that perhaps the dream he'd had wasn't a dream after all. And if that was true... He pressed his lips together, fighting the sudden arousal that swept through his body straight to his already hard member.

Damn it.

He slid back down, gently moving Heidi` s arm into a more comfortable position and resting her throbbing head against the pillows. Shutting his eyes, Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck..." he muttered, not realizing he'd even spoke aloud until he heard his own voice.

The arm lying draped across his chest shifted slightly and the woman turned her head toward him, eyes foggy with sleep. Brian turned to look at her, feeling his heart swell slightly at the sight. Why couldn't she wake up every morning to that face? He pushed the thought down immediately;

Heidi felt warm and happy, better than he'd ever felt when he slowly woke up. Shifting slightly where she lay, hee mind wandered back to the night before and she sighed comfortably. Turning on her side, she opened his tired eyes and looked over at Brian, who was looking back at her with light, hooded eyes.

The woman winced slightly, sore and aching from the night before.

Brian started to say something when Heidi broke the quiet. "OMG. What the hell ?!"


	11. Chapter 11

Tucker slowly awoke, feeling someone drawing random shapes on his back. He smiled softly and turned around to see Jennifer. He leaned in and kissed her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer. "Morning."

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

The man shook his head. "No," he whispered, kissing her again. He felt like he couldn't get enough of her and as she kissed him back, he knew she felt the same. They continued to kiss slowly, their hands moving along each other's bodies, and the man wanted nothing more than to keep going, but the sound of his alarm clock going off kept that from happening.

He gave a groan and leaned over Jennifer, shutting it off. "Damn it," He mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead and getting out of bed. "As much as I would love to continue this, I need to get ready for work."

"And I should probably going to see Heidi," Jennifer said, slowly sitting up, the sheet falling from her chest and exposing her breasts.

"God you're beautiful," Tucker exhaled, finding himself unable to look away from her.

The woman blushed. "I don't even remember the last time someone told me that."

"Well, I'll be more than happy to tell you that you're beautiful as much as you want," the man said, sitting back down on the bed and pulling her in for a kiss. She cupped his face and deepened the kiss.

They were once again interrupted when Jennifer's phone went off and she broke away with a laugh. "Okay, we really need to stop before we're both late."

"I know, but all I want to do is stay in bed with you."

Jennifer smiled softly at him. "Me too." She gave him one last kiss. "Thank you for last night. It was amazing."

"It really was."

An unwarranted knock at the door disrupted the tightness in Tucker's abdomen, forcing him to stop moving. He let out a low growl into the skin of Jennifer's throat as the apex of his climax rushed away from her, while Jennifer swore loudly.

"Fuck…"

"If I had five bucks for every time we were interrupted…" she muttered in annoyance, looking a picture with her bangs stuck to her sweaty forehead, her face flushed and her pupils blown dark.

Tucker shot the door—and by proxy who was behind it—a hateful glare as he reluctantly rolled off of Jennifer, shooting her an apologetic look. They didn't need a repeat of last month when Todd had walked in on them. The other man just rolled his eyes and busied himself with making himself roughly presentable and hiding his state of arousal.

Once they were both wrapped up in Jennifer's bedsheets, she called for whoever had knocked on the door to come in, her voice clipped and annoyed.

It was Heidi, eyes red, obviously having had a bad night.

"I accidentally slept with Brian Kinney," Heidi said looking more to Jennifer than Tucker.

Tucker and Heidi couldn't believe what they were hearing.

Jennifer`s eyes widened. "You accidentally slept with Brian Kinney?"

"Yes"

Jennifer snorted. "Accidentally!"

"Yes, Heidi muttered softly.

"I don't understand, did you trip over something?"Tucker asks.

Heidi and Jennifer gave him a withering look, and Tucker shivers dramatically. "Oh good, that look comes in stereo now."

Jennifer suddenly burst out laughing, clutching her stomach and laughing even harder when Heidi whirled on her and demanded, "What's so funny?

" You and Kinney are the same. You just had sex with yourself"Jennifer laughed even harder if that was possible.

" I am in the twilight zone "Tucker mumbled, his face a flaming red.

" Feel free to shut the fuck up" Heidi responded through gritted teeth.

But…"

Tucker interrupted. " Ok. This thing needs beer or coffee"

"Jennifer was still laughing as the three of them walked into the kitchen and neither of them saw the boy who was hearing them behind the door.

* * *

Silence rang clearly through the air as everyone just stared in shock. No one made a sound, even Kikki seemed in shock at what they had just witnessed The day had started out pretty normal, Ted was talking to Drew as Emmett lounged in a chair having her own conversation with Blake. Mike was trying to get the attention of Brian . All in all nothing too out of the ordinary. That was why when Brian Kinney sauntered in like he was known to no one had expected for Todd Maxwell of all people to march right up to him and punch him harshly across the face. Not even Brian could think of anything as the nicest person around the town gave him a nasty bruise across his face.

" You slept with my mother" Todd yelled angrily.

After a second of silence, everythingg went to chaos. Glasses broke and people choked in their drinks. Everyone could not believe what they heard. The greatest gay of all Brian Kinney slept with a woman.

Emmett paled, Ted's eyes widened, Drew looked shocked, Ted looked a little scared, Blake stopped smiling and Michael crossed his arms.

" First my cousin and now my mother" Todd hissed darkly. Brian returned the glare.

"Yes, I slept with your mother but it was a mistake" Brian spoke softly. " I lost Justin and your mother was..."

Brian looked at Melanie's eyes seeing the pain, anger, and betrayal in them. Brian knows Melanie fell in love with Heidi but the CEO does not know who to deal with feelings.

" Why her?"Todd spat darkly.

"I don't know, but it seems my dick decided to take notice of her prettiness," Brian said.

He was aware Heidi was attractive—a sexy face that was almost too pretty, even though it was still masculine, framed by curly blonde hair and bright, electric blue eyes, as well as a toned, lean and tanned body. Brian wasn't into women but even he could admit the woman was gorgeous. Add her personality and that made her even more attractive; fearless, reckless, nice, tough, charming. And apparently, she was damn good in bed.

"You're gonna regret that"his voice is gruff, threatening."But you have to worry about aunt JT"

* * *

Jennifer Taylor woke up early that morning; she had a busy day ahead of her. She was scheduled to meet a couple to show them a house they were interested in, and later she was supposed to tour some office space in a commercial building with another client. In addition to that, she had agreed to meet Brian.

Brian Kinney ... Jennifer had never hated Brian; she had simply been afraid that someone so much older than her son would break his heart. Turns out, she had been right initially, but despite her misgivings, Justin had fallen in love with him and had continued to love him. She had been angry with Brian when her son had been brutally assaulted. She had wanted to push him away and some harsh words were spoken, even though the nurses had told her that Brian had been at the hospital every night, watching her child sleep.

When Justin had finally been permitted to come home, she had asked Brian to stay away; after all, she reasoned, it was just a 'teenage' love; Justin would soon forget him. But that didn't happen, and she had to finally admit that her son was, indeed, inexplicably in love with this older man. As time went on, she had to grudgingly admit that Brian seemed to always be there for Justin, and she had observed their love for each other growing stronger every day. Brian helped her son through a crisis after crisis and was generous to a fault with his money. And when her son had left Brian for Ethan, Jennifer saw the real Brian Kinney.

A man without motherly love or love and caring in his life. A man who is afraid to have a healthy relationship with people and the male version of Heidi O`Neil.

They were partners in crime, the dynamic duo. They were rich, pretty and glamorous and they had each other. That was the important bit: the fact that they had each other, because all the money in the world, all the parties and designer labels and boys/women in the world wouldn't mean a thing otherwise. Without each other, they were just another cliché poor rich people sob story. But together? They made the impossible happen. They were in essence, soul mates if there was ever such a thing. And it is this fact that made Jennifer nervous.

She nodded at Cynthia as she entered Brian's company, receiving a smile of greeting in return. "Hi, Jennifer. I'll let Brian know that you're here."

Announcing Jennifer's arrival to her boss over the interoffice intercom, Cynthia instructed her that she could go on into Brian's office.

"Jennifer!" Brian greeted her with a genuine smile as he scooted back from his desk chair and walked over to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I admit I was a little surprised to hear from you."

"Hopefully surprised, but not unhappy about it," she inquired.

"Not at all," he assured her softly. "Any particular reason why you wanted to have lunch with me?"

"Do I have to have a reason?" she asked him coyly. "I'm probably the closest thing to a mother that you have."

"How do you get that?" he asked. "Your son left me "

She laughed. "Now you're just being a drama queen!"

Brian curled his lips under. "Oh, my God. With each passing day, you're getting more and more like Heidi. I'm getting scared."

She smiled. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You are here about Heidi. Is that why you wanted to talk to me?"

Jennifer hesitated."Yes"

Brian has a small run of jealousy run through him because of the relationship between Heidi and Jennifer. Brian has been studying the bond between the two blondes women.

The bond between the two women was full of confidence and good advice. Their laughs and smiles could not compete with his own bond with him Michael. Heidi protects and attack and goes again to people who want to hurt her family. In Jennifer`s eyes, Heidi was the woman who could do no wrong. She was the best friend who was more of a sister.

On the other side, his bond with Michael was difficult and different. To Michael, Brian Kinney was a god and a childhood obsession. An asshole without heart and limits. But with money every time Michael or his mother was in trouble. They were a second family of him but he does not want to be the bad guy all times.

"Who?"

"Alcohol "

Jennifer frowned."What the fuck?!"

"We were talking about Melanie and J ..."

Jennifer's heart broke. She had known this man had loved her son since the moment they first saw each other again, and it was confirmed when that the exit of Justin took his soul.

" I am sorry about Justin"She softly.

Brian brushed his hand through his hair as he leaned against the edge of his desk." I understand. You were trying to protect him from me and you believed Justin deserves so someone better than me. You are right. Everyone sees an asshole but Heidi saw behind my walls like nobody did even Michael could see the real me, anymore. I want Justin to happy even without me"

Jennifer sighed in relief. "I'm so glad to hear that, Brian," she told him.

Anyway," Brian told her. " Heidi and..."

He nodded at her with a smile, just before a very flustered-looking Cynthia interrupted them. "Brian, I'm sorry, but there is someone here who is insisting on seeing you ..."

She has abruptly pushed aside as his best friend came barging into the room.

"Brian! I need to talk to you, and your secretary here wouldn't let me in," he told Brian with disdain, his nose i

Brian sighed. "Mikey, Cynthia has been instructed to announce everyone who wants to enter my office," he told him. "She was just doing her job."

"Brian? You want me to ...?"

Brian shook his head, realizing what Cynthia was trying to suggest. "No," he told her quietly. "You can go, Cynthia; thank you." Cynthia nodded before turning and quietly exiting the room.

"What you want?"

"I can't believe you slept with a woman" Michael implore." I can't believe Mel falls in love with a slut like her. Maybe cheating run in the family"

From the corner of his eye, Brian could see the red face of Jennifer Taylor. He had heard the stories by Justin about his mother's temper and her protectives instincts.

" Ma says you are it and you hurt Mel"

Jennifer eyed him with disgust. She had known from what her son had told her that the relationship between Brian and Michael had always been tense. But now, after witnessing it firsthand, she began to understand why Brian tended to keep his emotions bottled up inside, and how much he was in need of being loved. She could not let this horrid boy leave without speaking her mind.

" Watch your mouth "her voice rising slightly. " You don't know everything about him"

Michael made a step back." He is my best friend"

" Friend?" Jennifer glowered. " Not a fucking toy?. You behave like a 4 year whose mommy took his favorite toy. If you talk about my son or my sister like that again I will end you."

The man sort of deflates for a moment, but squares up again, nodding to Brian before turning to walk away.

Brian remained quiet for a few moments as he watched his friend leave, feeling a swell of gratitude for Jennifer's staunch support of him.

" I am sorry .."

"Brian, I know that you love Michael, but it really isn't your fault if he is unable or unwilling to see that you have changed. You have done nothing wrong, trust me."

Brian's head snapped up at that;

Jennifer took his face between both his hands and looked straight into his eyes.

"Listen to me; are you listening?"

Brian lifted an eyebrow, that expression was pure O`Neil, and he couldn't help but admire Jennifer for using it against him.

"Yeah, I'm listening."

"You might have done that once upon a time, but you haven't for a very long time. I'd even dare say that Michael has you on a much tighter reign than you have on him. He keeps reminding you of all the things he did for you when you were a teenager, how he was the only one you trusted with your problems with your father, how he and Deb helped you back then. That's not something a true friend does; a true friend helps and never expects anything in return and never ever throws his help back in your face."

Brian tried not to cringe at the things Jennifer was saying; he really didn't want to face the fact that Michael might not be as good a friend as he had always thought he was. He sighed in defeat, recognizing that Jennifer was right. Michael only wanted Brian to act and react a certain way, never diverting from the script according to Michael. He nodded, even if he really didn't want to face the fact that he might be losing his best friend through half of his life. That's when he realized that he didn't lose his best friend; he just substituted him for someone else. Heidi really had become a much better friend to him over the last long while.

Pursing her lips tightly together, she finally replied quietly, " At least you have Heidi as a friend. And now gave a hung to your new friend"

Brian rolled his tongue into his cheek and smiled. He could see who Justin had inherited a lot of his most endearing qualities from. He walked a few paces over to place a kiss on Jennifer's cheek, feeling the love radiating from her as she slid her arms around him to embrace him. It had taken him a long time to realize that he was worthy of being loved and that it wasn't blood that made a true family; it was how they treated you and how they loved you. At that moment, as he held his 'mother' in his arms, he felt an enormous sense of peace. And he was ready to be happy.

* * *

As Brian pulled out of the lot alone he lit another could not get Justin off his he hoped Justin would stay near him and eventually come back when he suddenly became very worried that this may not be what will speed up and let his mind go back to when he had first met had barely a passing interest in the boy at first but that changed over 's eyes felt hot and he went remembered how touched Justin was when he came to the prom and how horrible the night had had always been so eager to please Brian, to be there for him,and Brian had given him nothing in closed his eyes for a second to see Justin's face and then all went 's car slammed into a telephone pole at breakneck sirens began to sound Brian opened his eyes and thought he saw Justin the police found him,he had a tiny smile on his face.

As the paramedics pulled Brian from the wreck he was unconscious most of he wasn't out he wanted to be because the pain was so the time he was in the ambulance he had slipped into a deep sleep and was now far from the pain."This guy is messed up bad."The paramedic said to the other paramedic as they prepared to put him on the portable other guy looked at Brian's wallet and said, "We have to find out who to call, this may be touch and go."

* * *

The lightning flashing across the sky that momentarily blanketed

Pittsburgh's in a blinding sheet of white was doing nothing to help ease Heidi's nerves. In fact, each bolt of lightning-caused shivers to roll up and down Heidi's spine, and they weren't the good kind either. Each clap of thunder would cause Heidi's heart to drop like a dead weight, the deafening sound seeming to rattle the glass windows of her office.

She closed her eyes and came face to face with her. The powerful CEO of, had only one thing on her mind, or rather one person, Melanie Marcus.

She had the most beautiful smile, the cutest little laugh. She had the sexiest little figure, the most beautiful eyes, the longest, smoothest legs. Her skin was beautiful, it seemed to glow in the morning light.

There's nothing worse, Heidi decides than falling in love.

It's horrible. It's cruel. Heidi has never felt it before and he thinks it's a wicked twist of fate that the person she does fall in love with will never know about her feelings.

"Love brings nothing but wasted years and endless torme in her own thoughts when her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled a vibrating cell phone out of her pocket. She hit the answer button and held it up to her ear as she headed in the direction of her house.

"Hello?" he said.

"Heidi O`Neil?" a professional female voice chirped.

"Speaking," she replied.

"Are you the emergency contact of Brian Kinney?"


	12. Chapter 12

"Where is he?"

The receptionist's chair jerks back about an inch across the floor as the poor guy startles at Heidi's tone; to be fair, Heidi certainly feels like she's about to start knocking down anyone who stands in her way, and he probably sounds at least twice as murderous, but she's always had the impression that hospital staff were inherently used to that kind of thing.

"Where's who?" the receptionist asks warily.

"Brian Kinney," Heidi grinds out, "there's a patient around here somewhere named Brian Kinney, where is he? What room?"

The receptionist glances at a woman seated at his left who seems utterly unwilling to help him out, and Heidi thumps his hand down on the counter.

"Where is he?"

"Miss," the guy says edgily, "I can't give out confidential patient information."

Gritting her teeth, Heidi locks eyes with him and leans forward over the counter until the edge of it presses into her ribs.

"I'm only going to ask you one more time," she seethes. "Where. Is. Brian. Kinney"

"Are uh, are you a friend or a family member?"

Heidi scowls. "What?"

"Um," the guy fumbles, "patient information can only be released to immediate family members, are, are you his—uh, a family member?"

"Am I—" Heidi shakes her head and stands up straight. "Look, just tell me where he is."

Pursing his lips a bit, the guy shifts in his chair, getting a seductive look in his eye that Heidi doesn't particularly trust.

"Are you his wife?"

What the fuck?

Narrowing her eyes, Heidi braces her hands on the counter and leans in again. "Yes," she snaps because of course, this asshole won't believe her, but if it gets her to Brian faster, she's pretty sure she doesn't care. "Now where is he?"

The guy smiles pridefully and Heidi does her very best not to haul back and clock her across the face.

"Room ten twenty-six," he says. "Mister Kinney was admitted in an unconscious state with a minor head wound, and he was treated by Doctor Cossa, and you can sign this release form if you'd like to take him home."

That worked? That actually worked?

Barely refraining from going off on the guy for his arrogant lack of thoroughness, Heidi skims the HIPAA waiver in front of her face and scribbles her signature on the dotted line, shoving off the counter to storm down the hall. Is she Brian's wife, who the fuck asks something like that?

Ten twenty-two, ten-twenty-four…ten twenty-six. Bracing himself for the sight of Brian lying unconscious in a sterile plastic bed and surrounded by the piercing trill of life support machines, Heidi takes a breath and shoves the door open.

"Heidi?"

Oh, thank god.

Brian isn't even under the covers; in fact, he's standing by a bed, slightly ruffled from where he must have been sitting on it a moment ago, with merely a tiny butterfly bandage on his forehead and a thoroughly disgruntled expression on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Brian," Heidi breathes, stepping forward as Brian continues to frown. "I got a call that you'd been rushed to the ER, they wouldn't tell me anything else over the phone, but I got here as soon as I could, god, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Brian mutters, smoothing down his sleeves. "I just want to get out of here."

"What happened?"

"Anemia," Brian brushes her off. "Doctor says I need more iron in my diet, how about we stop by the steakhouse across the street?"

"Anemia?" Heidi presses. "You're not anemic, Brian, what happened?"

"It's nothing," Brian insists. "I took some medication I haven't taken in a while, I forgot how dizzy it makes me when I stand up, I fainted, must've hit my head on the way down, no big deal. Come on, let's get going, I'm sure they're going to make me file some kind of paperwork."

That's definitely not all there is to that conversation, but for the moment, Heidi merely holds the door open as Brian walks toward her. "I signed you out," she says.

Her step stuttering, Brian fixes her with a piercing stare.

"How?"

Heidi shrugs, following him down the hall. "The guy asked me if we were family, I said yes."

"You said yes?" Harvey repeats, walking faster; Heidi has to jog a couple of steps to catch him on his way out the front doors.

"Yes?"

brian pinches the bridge of his nose. "What specifically did he ask you?"

"Uh." Heidi sticks her hands into her pockets to keep from fidgeting. "He said, 'Are you a friend or a family member,' and I might've snapped at him a little, and then he said 'Are you his wife,' and I was like, yeah, sure, and he gave me the release form and I went and got you and…here we are?"

For a second, Heidi is afraid Brian might faint again for reasons entirely separate from medication-induced lightheadedness.

"Heidi."

She's about to be killed, isn't she? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Well, they had a nice run; it was fun while it lasted. The only question still remaining is whether Brian is just going to kill her.

Heidi winces.

"Uh-huh?"

Brian sighs.

"Heidi, it's a crime to lie on a legal document."

Say what now?

"I know that," Heidi ventures. "It's also a crime to practice law without a license."

"Heidi, the hospital could sue you. They can destroy your firm, your reputation"

Heidi balks. "You've barely got a scratch! You don't even have a concussion, there's no way they could've kept you there!"

"It's not about that," Brian says patiently, with a strong undercurrent of explaining something agonizingly simple to somebody insufferably dense. "It's about the fact that I was admitted unconscious, with a head wound, and the fact that actually, I do have a minor concussion, and I bet you the doctors wouldn't be too happy to find out they'd just released me into the custody of someone who's not a relative, and who hasn't spoken to any actual doctors about my condition. It's about the fact that we don't know if someone's looking for an excuse to fire that receptionist because this is a perfect one that you've just handed them. It's about breaking somebody else's rules that I can't hide and sweep under the rug for you."

"For you too," Heidi mutters, regretting the words even as he's saying them. Brian sighs again.

"I'm going to ignore that," he says, "and we're going to fix this right now."

Heidi bites her lip nervously.

"How?"

"We're going down to City Hall."

Heidi lags a bit behind Brian.

"Why?"

"Well, if we're married," Brian reasons, "don't you think it ought to be on the record?"

On what?

"We're going to go get married?" Heidi sputters. "Like really, actually married?"

* * *

Heidi's sat on the grossly modern bed in their bedroom, in front of the glass fireplace, laptop balanced tentatively on one knee. She tried to calm herself from the tragic end of dinner, drowning herself in work and drink.

The woman has a mostly discarded cup of whiskey sitting on the low coffee table in front of him. Things out the window are still, night nearly done. Heidi can see the heat of the sun approaching the horizon, smell the wet grass as dew starts to hint its way into existence.

The woman looked at her hand to find a ring. It was a titanium band as well, but it was black and had three small diamonds set into it.

The last time she had a thing like that in her finger was when...

Ace Vouge had always hated it when she kept him waiting...in fact it had led to the one and only time he ever struck her. His temper had grown shorter and shorter over the fourteen years of their marriage, and she had grown more and more nervous, which of course had led to more absent-mindedness. The big day came when he had gotten the promotion he'd been after for years, and they were running a few minutes late to his 'surprise' party. There he stood, dressed to the nines, the gorgeous brown eyes narrowed in thin fury when they had once looked at her with adoration, and the perfect teeth bared in a sneer of disgust instead of the happy smile she fell in love with.

"Goddamn it, of all nights! No way in hell you could have maybe prepared by leaving everything out in a convenient spot! Every day with the damn scavenger hunt! Are you doing this to piss me off? Well, it's goddamn working!"

"Ace, I'll just be a second, please calm down!" she said frantically. Thank God Felicia was already off to stay over with Jennifer for the evening. She hated for her to see her godfather-like this. She hoped bad tempers didn't run in the family.

"Stupid bitch..." he said under his breath, perhaps louder than he realized. Heidi froze where she was standing, clutching the purse she had just discovered wedged behind a sofa cushion.

"Good, you have it, now LET"S GO!" he practically shouted at her.

"Go by yourself you son of a bitch," she said slowly and clearly.

"What the HELL did you just say to me?" he said in a quiet deadly voice.

She turned to him, and for some reason, all of the fear and anxiety that dominated her life suddenly fled.

"You heard me. You are nothing but an animal. A goddamned soulless beast. It's over Ace. I'm leaving before you turn me into an animal too.

He stared at her, a range of emotions passing across his face. She had the feeling that he only realized just now how he had been behaving for years and was stunned that the point of no return had come up so suddenly and without warning. His mouth opened and closed while he struggled for something to say.

"Look. I'm sorry. We can talk about this later. Let's go."

She shook her head. If she took it back now, he would always assume she was too weak to follow through...and the treatment would get worse.

"No. Go to your party Ace, it is being thrown for your favorite person in the world. Yourself. You don't need me...you haven't for a long time."

Ace than think about admitting this to himself, Ace seemed to snap and he was over to her in a second holding her arm in a painful grip.

"I said let's go. Don't make me tell you again. You always have to screw everything up for me, I could have had this job a long time ago, but you had to let yourself get knocked up-"

Heidi yanked her arm out of his grip. There was a popping sound, and a small button from his sleeve cuff flew across the room. Ace looked at the hanging shirtsleeve...and then slapped Heidi across the face. Again, that stunned look as he stared at his own hand. Had he really just done that, or had his hand acted on its own? It felt like his anger was a separate entity, once chained up but now able to free itself at the slightest provocation. He contemplated this for about 1.5 seconds before Heid snatched up a vase (fourteen years previously it held flowers that he bought her when she brought home Scott.) and smashed it into the side of his head. He staggered and reeled, clutching the bleeding side of his head. He growled...actually growled...but her next words cut it off.

"If you ever touch me again...one of us is going to die. Don't be too sure it will be me. You can beat me to a pulp...but you have to sleep sometime." Her voice as she spoke these words seemed to belong to another. Did they both have inner monsters?

Heidi looked at her for a brief moment and she almost thought she saw regret in his eyes. Then he turned and left the house. It was over.

"F- fuck." Heidi whispers as a sob crawl up her throat and escape in a cascade of fresh tears. "FUCK."

She fished his phone out of her pocket and turned it on.

The number of calls scared Heidi. Ten missed calls from Jennifer and a bunch of texts. She wasn't in the mood to talk to Jennifer right now. Guilt panged in her chest.

She slipped away from the bed walking toward the living room. Her husband, Brian Kinney stood in front of the window as the comfortable buzz that usually occurred after his first to second glass still hadn't come and so – as he stared on the skyline of Pittsburgh's through his window front, stars hidden behind clouds – there was nothing to distract him from his dark thoughts.

"Penny for your thoughts, "Heidi said as she sat beside him, staring across the sky.

Brian grimaced and took a sip from his whiskey. "We screwed big this time."

Heidi snorted. "That was a waste of penny."

Brian scowled at her. "This isn't funny," he snapped. "Brian Kinney is married to a woman. What is comes next? And move to the suburbs? And become a home-lovin', child-raisin', God-fearing' imitation heterosexual? And for what? So that I can become another dead soul, goin' to the mall, droppin' my kids off at school, and having barbecues in the backyard? "

"It was your idea" she insisted, and in a blink of an eye, she had grabbed Brian's wrist."I can take care of myself. And if you happen to remember, I have good lawyers like Harvey Specter-Ross or Rafael Barba or Dominic Carisi or my son", Heidi cleared her throat as her jaw rose high in the air and the fond gaze in her eyes hardened into a spiteful glare yet again.

"I was trying to help, "Brian said keeping his tone controlled." You put your life, your money and your firm under threat because of me."

Heidi's shoulders relaxed a little at the words

"But.."

Brian bit at his lip

"Mikey or Debbie?"

Heidi straightened her back and let the silence hang for a moment. She watched Brian began to lightly fidget under her gaze. She took a deep breath before saying anything. " They refused to help you"

"They abandoned me?"He asked and the expression on her husband's face was something Heidi has never seen on him before.

Heartbreak.

They left him. They abandoned him. They betrayed him. For them, Brian Kinney was just an asshole, an abandoned child and a bank account, Mikey`s best friend.

His mother abandoned him because he loves dicks and his father was a piece of shit, a drunk one. Justin...

Justin left him.

He wants to call Justin and begging him to come back, the life where he got to swipe his thumb across those lovely pink lips and then taste them, the life where he could roll over in bed and pull Justin in against his chest. He knew he didn't have those things because he was afraid of the small chance to feel something. And so, he continued one day at a time and hoped that the loneliness wouldn't crush him.

The second choice was work; he can't go home; he needs a distraction from the loneliness. He needs to throw himself into some paperwork and forget about everything.

He makes his way to the desk before he notices Heidi, fast asleep on their bed.

He swallows the lump in his throat. Heidi was here with him. Heidi broke the law for him. Heidi put her life in danger for him. Heidi knew what it means to be alone, the same way he always knows what he is thinking, and what he needs. The thought breaks him, his chest tightens, and a tear escapes from his eye and slides down his cheek because he is just so fucking grateful that he is here, that he can just look at him and be with him. He couldn't explain it if anyone asked but he'd do anything for the gently snoring woman on his bed right now.

Brian approached the bed and just stared, smiling like an idiot and wiping away another tear from his cheek. He carefully folded himself onto the floor, and rested his head on the leather fabric, facing Heidi. He was so close to her that he could feel Heidi's breath ghosted over his face. Heidi looks comfortable, her face is slack and carefree in her sleep, and Brian feels just by this proximity to him that his body relaxes and curls slightly closer to her.

He only intended to close his eyes for a minute, just enjoy the closeness, get his fill before he woke Heidi up, pretending that he hadn't been snuggling into the warmth of her.  
But somehow he drifts off and at the edge of consciousness, more asleep than awake, he mumbled, "Thank you"

* * *

_Whiskey_

_Vodka_

_Jennifer`s family_

_Greg`s family_

_Justin&Luke_

_Felicia`s picture_

_Black dress_

_Cake_

_biscuits_

"So, how did you do it?" A familiar snide voice demanded, bringing Heidi back to the present. The woman sighed internally and opened her eyes to Michael's sneering face. Well, the day had started out well at least.

"How did you trick Brian into having sex with you?" Michael spat, spittle flying out of his mouth and hitting the table between them.

"Excuse me?" Heidi asked incredulously, wondering if she heard the asshole correctly. What business was it of his?

"You heard me; how did you trick him?…" Michael babbled on, his eyes spitting fire.

"I heard you the first time," Heidi cut in scornfully, her own cheeks heating with anger. "That's because you haven't had sex with me. "

Michael went into silence. From the other side of the room, Jennifer beams with satisfaction because Heidi always wins. She knows how to shut down everyone in a heartbeat. It's a talent that she was just born with. Jennifer loves it.

"I'm just trying to figure out how you think it's any of your business?"Heidi sent a death glare and Mike gulped.

"Brian is my best friend, O`Neil," Michael said, beginning his infamous litany, and growing angrier when Heidi blatantly rolled her eyes at the statement. "And it is my job to make sure that not taken advantage of by gold digger.."

Heidi opened her mouth to retort, but then quickly shut it as she noticed an enraged Brian standing just behind Michael. Not that anyone but she could tell just how pissed off Brian really was; he'd always been skilled at hiding his emotions. Michael, of course, was oblivious.

"Please tell me I did not just hear you refer to my friend as a gold digger, Michael," Brian said in a cold, steely voice that sent a chill down Heidi's spine; and Brian's ire wasn't even directed his way. Michael froze and his eyes widened, a hint of fear filling them as he slowly turned to face Brian. But Brian didn't care, continuing in a chilly tone. "My _very_ successful CEO friend, I might add, who makes 10000 to 90000000 million if not more, from games _and_ sells out at nearly every show she's taken part in."

"Nearly?" Heidi asked, trying to defuse the scene with a bit of levity; it wouldn't do to have Brian murder the dickhead; even if he deserved it. At least, not with so many witnesses present.

"Well, you can't really be held accountable for Tokio.," Brian smirked, knowing full well what Heidi was trying to do, and playing along for the moment. "It's not your fault that those yellow faces have no taste."

He'd heard that some idiot had been fired quickly after that.

"Brian, I didn't know you were…" Michael said faintly, his face pulling into an all too familiar hang-dog face, complete with puppy eyes.

But the act didn't fool Brian, whose eyes grew flinty as they settled on Michael; fuck, he so wouldn't want to be in Michael's shoes right now. Brian had become obsessively overprotective since their marriage for some reason and Heidi didn't envy the other man at all.

"Here?" Brian asked, that cold, steely tone returning to his voice; accompanied by a look that would have surely bludgeoned Michael across the floor if it were at all possible. "I noticed, and I'm still waiting for an answer."

"Well, something must have happened." Michael insisted petulantly, obviously not sensing the danger he was in.

"I was trying to explain O` Neil.."

Heidi glanced at Brian, who gave a slight nod.

"Mickey Mouse," Heidi said peevishly. "The name's Kinney."

Coffee exploded everywhere. Goblets and dished clattered to the ground. All around the diner, people were choking on their food or, as in Mikey's case, wiping away the liquid dripping from his nose. Brian leaned down so that his breath tickled Heidi's ear.

"It's almost like the Apocalypse, Love," he joked, earning a playful slap on the shoulder from his wife. He chuckled and snaked his arms around her waist. Every eye in the diner was on them.

"Yeah…" Brian said as he glanced up, looking almost sheepish. "Uh, we got married."


	13. Chapter 13

"Have you lost your mind!" Jennifer ran past the receptionist and skidded into Heidi's office, still dressed in her Navy Pea Coat and leather gloves.

"I had a dollar for every time anyone ever asked me this, I could pay the rent for that  
building in cash," Heidi said, not looking up from the paperwork she had been going through for several hours, her black-rimmed spectacles perched on the end of her nose daringly and the cardigan of a cream angora twin set slung over her shoulders, secured like a cape by the top pearl button in order to keep out the early winter chill.

"Why are you here?"

"I was at a neighborhood" Jennifer replies."You have been stressing yourself with work this couple of days. I'm getting worried."

Jennifer has always been worried about her, always taking her time to visit Heidi in her office every time she receives a call from either Bradon and Todd or the secretary whenever Heidi is in one of her moods.

Jennifer peeled off her coat and gloves, laying them over the arm of the couch that adorned her office, "About the fucking bomb you dropped two hours ago" Jennifer said.

"Oh, yes." Heidi cried, finally looking up to her son, "We said the truth"

_FLASHBACK_

_"WHAT?!" bellowed Mike. Following Mike's outburst, the hall broke out into whispers and shouts of both disbelief and denial._

_Brian stood between his wife and his best friend. He knew that his friend could become violent when he was angry and would not let his friend touch the woman._

_Heidi rolled her eyes as her sons had an expression of disgust. Businesswoman dared to look at her. Melanie._

_The expression on her former girlfriend ace was something Heidi has never seen on everyone before._

_Heartbreak._

_Jennifer once more sent Heidi a worried look._

_Tucker joined her this time, sending his friend a concerned expression._

_But Heidi didn't notice._

_She was too busy having her heartbroken and stamped on._

_"But you married this –" Mike flung a hand in Heidi's direction, "–slut!"_

_The room seemed to become silent at Mike's words. Jennifer's eyes grew wide as she saw Brian's body slightly stiffen._

_"uh oh," she said under her breath to Tucker who nodded back in agreement._

_Todd and Bradon try to run forward but are held back by Tucker. _

_Heidi smacks Michael across the face so hard he falls to the ground. _

_"Watch your fucking mouth already. "Heidi spoke for the first time. Debbie jumped from her seat, running around like a crazy chicken._

_"How dare you to.."_

_"And you"_

_Heidi pointed at Debbe. "Learn your son that he must respect his older or I will and trust me, you will not like the sight of your son when I finish with him"She snapped angrily._

_"Wha…." Debbe stuttered._

_"Am I clear?"Heidi demanded_

_"Yes," Debbe says, her voice gruff and awkward._

_"Good."_

_" Because stress is bad for the baby"_

_Heidi smiled proudly while Ted just looked confused._

_"What baby?"_

_The smug smile from Heidi's face was never left._

_END FLASHBACK_

Jennifer's voice made Heidi snap out of her thoughts.

"PREGNANT! !"Jennifer said in an exasperated tone."What the fuck is this?"

"Pregnancy, also known as gestation, is the time during which one or more offspring develops inside a woman. Multiple pregnancies..."Heidi _looked directly into _the blonde woman.

Jennifer interrupted her, "Don't be a smartass"

"Shut the fuck up" Heidi shouted, startling her. "I-I'm sorry, I mean to say I'll do it." Heidi went over to the window and Jennifer took in a deep breath and joined him.

"Heidi…" She began, "Is something bothering you? You know you can tell me anything and I will not judge you."

Heidi tightened the muscle in her jaw and was unresponsive. Jennifer cast her eyes down and collected the tray from the table. She left the room slowly, hoping Heidi would say something the last second but she didn't. She remained stoic by the glass.

"Felicia"

She glanced up and found Heidi looked at her in a silent plea for forgiveness.

"It wasn't your fault "Jennifer answered with eath, not a bit of shame staining her voice.

"Hate me"Heidi finally broke down and tears slid down her cheeks. "Kill me. Beat me up. Curse me but don't you dare tell me it wasn't my fault.."

"Heidi.."Jennifer managed, a breath more than a word." Felicia is not dead because of you.."

Heidi laughed shakily, turning her head to look at Jennifer standing in the doorway." I killed her"

That was another look that she knew too well and it was that combined with the silence which agitated her, stoking the anger that was buried under layers of guilt and pain and sorrow. She didn't deserve Jennifer's pity or concern, she didn't deserve anyone's pity because hse wasn't the one lying on a coffin.

She turned her attention back to the grey safe and reading the little round numbers, but then – before she could reach ten – something in her broke. "She used to be full of life and energetic. Singing and laughing. "She whispered ."Please, hate me"

Fresh tears sprung up, rolling down her face in a steady stream and soaking her make up. "After her funeral... Greg beat me up" Her knuckles went white and her hand began to ache from the tight grip she had on her jacket sleeve, and it was the only thing keeping her grounded." I tried to kill myself"

She didn't even realize Jennifer had moved until an arm wrapped around her middle and she was being guided towards the couch. Heidi sank into the cushions and tilted her head back against the wall, focusing on the ceiling tiles and fluorescent lights." Please. Tell me that it is my fault "she whispered, a fresh wave of tears rolling down the sides of her face. "Even if it's a lie.."

"You tried to save her. You loved her and you still do." Jennifer said, raising a hand to card it gently and slowly through Heidi's hair. Jennifer kissed her cheek and wiped away a stray tear.

* * *

Brian could honestly say she had waited a very long time for Mike to rush in his office like ve years old demanded things.

"_What the fuck are you doing here, Michael?"_ Brian yelled and forced Michael to turn around and look at his best friend and true love.

_"_Tell me this is a joke, Brian. Tell me right now this ain't real!" Michael shouted desperately, hoping for a mistake or a cruel joke.

"My marriage is none of your fucking business," Brian spoke angrily but Michael interrupted.

"None of my business? None of my business? You're my best fucking friend and you're not telling me that you… you're married? Why didn't you tell me?" Michael demanded.

"Because it's my life and I knew you wouldn't be happy for me. I know about your fucking dreams of us growing old in Palm Strings as the happiest gay couple ever. Reality check Michael, I never loved you like that. I still don't love you like that and I won't ever love you like that." Brian said calmly yet firm.

Michael opened and closed his mouth again and again without making a single sound. His world was crashing and burning and Brian just stood there looking bored and pissed off.

"So since you know now, would you be so kind and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOME AND LEAVE THE FUCKING KEY ON THE COUNTER!" Brian yelled and motioned for Michael to get a move on.

"But, but… you're Brian Fucking Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue. You're a wild stallion never to be tamed. You can't be married and build a home for you and your whore." Michael stammered.

"What did you say?"Brian shakes his head angrily, "You called her what?"

Brian stepped closer to Mike and was pleased when he saw his Adam's apple Bob up and down.

He was scared. Good. He should be.

"You will treat Heidi with respect. The slap was a small blow to what she can do to you and trust me, it is not Heidi or me, you have to watch your back about her sons and family and I'm not Brian Fucking Kinney anymore." Brian sighed. "You never saw me for what I am. You never saw how lonely and fragile I was, how much I hated being a fuck machine with a drug and alcohol addiction. I could have died any second and I didn't care, you never once tried to make me see how stupid I was. Heidi O`Neil did. I've met her and he gave me the courage to be myself, just Brian Aiden Kinney. A man with flaws, fears, hopes, and so much insecurity and yet, Heidi cares for me. She makes me complete and happy. I've never been so happy before and I didn't want you or Lindsay to piss all over it. I can see the jealousy and rage in your eyes, Michael. And Lindsay will feel the same but I don't care. If you can't accept my choice and my husband then you are welcome to get the hell out of my life. I want to be happy and human, I deserve to be happy and human. Not the God-like persona you and Lindsay want me to be."

Michael's eyes filled with tears listening to Brian talk about his wife but he was too angry to understand that Brian was giving him the chance to prove their friendship could go on.

"No! I will not have it, Brian. I've waited too long for you and I'll not stop trying to get your little whore to leave you. If you don't break up with that shit, our friendship will be over and you'll be all alone in the end." Michael threatened.

"You know where the door is. Have a good life, Michael." Brian said and pushed Michael out of the loft, closed the door and grabbed his phone to call the locksmith.

* * *

Brian Kinney was standing next to his wife with his hand around her waist. They were in the cemetery and even if he didn't know why he had a feeling that he needed to be there. Supporting Jennifer and Heidi. Next to him, Tucker was holding Jennifer, who was trying to hold back her tears.

They were honored, Felicia Taylor. The first-born of Jennifer and Greg Taylor. The goddaughter of Heidi. The sister of Molly and Justin. The cousin of Todd and Brandon. They have been passed 8 years from her death.

The brunette was shocked to learn about the other Taylor but he understood why his former lover had never spoken of her. It was so painful.

Παράγγειλε μου, μάτια μου, το πότε θέλεις να ρθης,  
να στρώσω ρόδα 'ς τα βουνά, τριαντάφυλλα 'ς τους κάμπους.  
-Κι' α στρώσης ρόδα, μάζω τα, τριαντάφλα, μύρισέ τα,  
κ' εγώ πίσω δεν έρχομαι και πίσω δεν γυρίζω.  
Πήγα 'ς της Άρνης τα βουνά, 'ς της Άρνης τα λαγκάδια,  
π' αρνειέται η μάννα το παιδί, και το παίδι τη μάννα,

If someone told you they went to a funeral and they were singing, no one you wouldn't believe it but the man heard it with his ears. Justin`s family was from Greece and it is a custom that every time someone dies, they must sing.

Κυρά, που κάθεσαι ψηλά, κατέβα παρακάτω,  
και κάτσε με τοις άμοιραις, και κάτσε με τοις χήραις,

As the women in the cemetery sang, Brian walked away from them wanting to give Heidi and Jennifer space mourn.

He walked to the door of the cemetery and, without getting his eyes out of his wife, stood there. Even, the fact that they were not in a romantic relationship didn't mean that he didn't love the woman in his own way. He liked to spend time with Heidi discussing or shopping. He became very protective of her, especially after Mike tried to attack her.

"Brian?"

Brian's heart stopped. He knew that voice


	14. Chapter 14

Brian standing in front of him is him. Brian's heart skips a beat at the sight, his body awash with sudden adrenaline, though there's a part of his that is entirely unsurprised, that looks at him and just thinks, oh, there you are.

"So you actually married my godmother"

His voice. It's still the same, still the soft melody whispering over Brian's skin, so familiar that it makes his breath hitch.

"And she is pregnant "Justin cold voice made Brian take a step back and take a good look at him.

During his time at London, Justin did look like he had spent a lot of time in a gym; He had been wearing a pair of very tight light blue jeans that showed off, not only his spectacular ass and considerable endowment, but also the fact that his thighs were now very muscular.

On his upper body, he wore a white wife-beater that clung to his torso and revealed a sculptured chest. His arms were bare, showing the large muscles in his shoulders and arms.

" I didn't know you had an older sister," said Brian trying to change the subject. He was not ashamed of his marriage to CEO but his wedding with Heidi, it was something he did not want to discuss with the man who was standing in front of him.

Justin's voice grew low, silky, seductive. "You never cared to know me. I was just a fuck for you."

Lie. That was a fucking lie. Everyone in Pittsburgh knew that the blond boy was something out of the ordinary for Brian. Even, Brian didn't want to admit it.

"This is bullshit and you know that. Right? " Brian said, a bit archly, but found it was difficult to speak, he was growing so breathless.

"Of course. " Justin answered back smoothly. " I am rge boy you fucked for that once"

Justin's roving eyes stopped, lingered on Brian's lips. Justin leaned forward slowly, lightly brushed his lips against Brian's once, then once again. Brian did not react, stood stone still. Wanting this. Hating this. Hating himself for wanting this.

Brian pulled back slightly, undeterred, just enough to speak."Where is your boyfriend? "  
Brian kept picturing them together, the boy touching Justin's cheek, sucking his lip.

"At London. We have an apartment together and we are happy. Thank you for asking."Justin finally said, prevaricating slightly.

Brian picked his head up, pulling away from her as anger, jealousy, and hurt began to course through his veins.

Brian smiled slightly."I am happy for you."

Brian threw down his own half-smoked cigarette, then walked towards him so determinedly that Justin backed up until he found himself against the wall. Brian placed his hands on the bricks to either side of him, boxing him in, face to face.

"I missed you like a crazy man wants air to be alive. I thought I had what I wanted sex, money, freedom but you came to my life and changed everything: My theories about love and life, you saw the real me and not that asshole who everyone keeps talking about. You loved me and you left me like the others and it was too late for me to tell you...I love you," Brian says, but it sounds more like an accusation than words of affection.

Justin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His inner 17 years old loves that sentiment coming out of Brian's mouth. But the adult in him knows that it isn't that simple.

"I know you do," Justin says softly."But.."

"I am a married man."Brian blurted out. "I have a new life. I have a wife, family, a daughter...I don't want to ruin my future. Just, I hope you are happy." 

Justin walks forward, hand-stretched out, but Brian ignores it and hugs him instead.  
Their embrace ends and Brian reluctantly lets's go. Justin nods at him one last time and then Brian´s watching him walking out of the cemetery. The end of an era. The end of him.

Brian hopes that nobody can hear his heart shatter. 

* * *

The inside of Michael Novotny's little comic book shop is quiet and dark. Outside fierce winds are blowing and the sky threatens snow but inside all is still. Michael hasn't had a customer in three days. After a brief Christmas rush his business has slowed to near non-existence and that coupled with the recent departure of his lover and foster son for a "positive men's' retreat" in Hawaii has Michael consumed with melancholy and loneliness. He glances at the clock. Closing time isn't for another half an hour but he actually has somewhere to be tonight (for a change) and the warmth and silence inside the shop are making him feel claustrophobic. Closing up takes about a minute and then he grabs his heavy blue parka from the coat rack and sets off down the street, head bowed against the icy wind.

As he fights his way uptown he wonders for about the thousandth time why he doesn't own a car. The answer comes to him quickly enough, "Because you always had Brian to drive you around."

Brian.

His best friend. The supposed best friend was more like it. Michael could count how many times he'd seen Brian in the last three months on the fingers of one hand. Some best friend.

Thinking about the pair of them, Brian and his "wife" gets Michael good and pissed. Deep down he knows he doesn't have any real reason to be but the anger heats his blood, so much so that he barely notices the cold and being mad seems a more noble occupation than indulging in self-pity, so he gives himself up to it. Brian and Heidi. Heidi and Brian.

Michael bets Heidi's phone calls never go unreturned. No way. And it occurs to him that the few times he has seen either of them, they're together. Kissing, touching, arms around each other, laughing, talking, so goddamn infatuated with each other it's like they're living in a bubble with everyone else on the outside.

He must get rip of her and that child. 

* * *

Heidi was sitting in the kitchen at Jennifer and was thinking about everything that happened today. The anniversary of Felicia `s death, Justin homecoming, the baby. Heidi sighed and rubbed a hand over her face as she flipped through the pictures which she stole from Jennifer`s house after they found pictures of Felicia. Or, really, it was one in particular that had caught her attention. She didn't even think Felicia realized what he'd caught on camera. Her beautiful goddaughter with her long blonde hair and blue eyes just like her mother and brother.

The other picture was Jennifer as the centerpiece but also included Heidi this time as well. They smiled as she recalled being reluctantly tugged into the middle of the Todd and Brandon sandwich by Brandon. Jennifer'd laughed, and tried to fight them off, even as she wrapped her arms around her best friend and pressed her lips into Jennifer's hair. And Jennifer holding her stomach and laughing as she whispered ridiculous things in her ear.

"What are you looking at?" Brian asked as he came up behind her

"Some pictures that I took stole from Jennifer," Heidi said, tipping her head back to kiss him. Brian smiled against her mouth and then pulled away, rubbing her nose against Brian's before they both turned back to the photo. "Or, more specifically, pictures from when Jennifer made the announcement of her pregnancy "  
"Tell me about her."Brian's eyes landed on Jennifer, sad eyes through the living room.

"She was the most energetic girl you ever saw. She used to play piano and guitar and some times Felicia pretended to be Maria Callas and sing."She shook off the bit of sadness and smiled again. "Her favorite color was green and rose her favorite flower, hating people she was locked into her room with a book. Felicia was my heir, it was my light after my marriage with Ace."

Heidi reached for two water glasses, filling them halfway with vodka she retrieved from her freezer.

"What happened? "

Heidi brushed past him and took a seat on her sofa with one of the glasses. "Me"

Brian turned to face her. "What?"

" I killed her." She folded her legs beneath her and leaned against the arm of the couch as she sipped her vodka slowly.

"I was in Miami to see an old friend of mine. Carter Verone was a friend and a criminal but I could not judge him because I was worst. I lost the count of how many times I helped him with drugs or guns." This caused Heidi to laugh." His husband is a fucking former FBI Agent for God's sake."

"During my time at Miami, Felicia had decided to visit me before Collage but I did not know"

"Felicia show up out of blue..", Heidi bit his lip. The slight tremble of her hands was impossible for Brian to ignore."She shows up t my apartment while I was partying with Carter and Brian for our win against the police. The previous night someone from Carter enemies had to inform the police about drugs and we hid it at my house."

The air was dangerous. It was as if anytime a spark would appear out of thin air and burst into a fire.

"Members from another cartel showed up my house reaching for drugs and they found Felicia."

The tears fell from Heidi's eyes at this point. " I can't do this anymore."

Heidi rushed out of the kitchen with Brandon and Todd after her while Jennifer, Tucker, and Brian were stunned.

"They killed her, "Jennifer said helplessly.

Brian looked at the blonde woman who was crying her eyes out. He wanted to protect her and hug her.

Tucker stood next her pulled her close to him.

"Heidi found her the next day. She has been blaming herself for years about Felicia`s death and tried to kill herself more than twice "

"Did you?", Brian asked. Jennifer swallowed again.

"I never blame her for that. Heidi loved my daughter with all her heart, she was there for her when she had her first heartbreak or when Felicia won at a talent show."Jennifer shakily took in a deep breath." Felicia was like her daughter and Heidi would do everything to protect her but some times.."

"Greg blamed me for her death"

Brian's heart sank at Heidi's words.

"Heidi?" he asked, trepidation creeping into his voice.

"He found me after the funeral and beat me up, calling me names and blaming me for Felicia."

Silence fell upon the room and Jennifer looked hurt, but she only nodded and got back to the sofa.

"Even Justin blamed me"Heidi offered, reaching out to rest her hand on Brian's arm."He is right"

"No," Brian shook his head, voice unbearably soft, and when he looked at Heidi her eyes were shining with unshed tears. "You loved Felicia with all your heart. You did everything for her, even you paid for her Collage. Her loss is painful but you cannot blame yourself anymore."

"Brian is right" Jennifer admits.

"The world is falling apart." , Tucker stated after overcoming his shock

"Tucker," reprimanded Heidi.

"Heidi, you must stop blaming yourself. We have been through a lot of shit for years. We ate going through this shit, together. Like family"Jennifer finished with a huff and a big gulp of air, as she stared down at her hands.

* * *

"Fuck, Schmidt, you look like shit," Brian said as the zombie that was his friend and CFO lurched through the door and slumped into a chair, completely ignoring the curious looks shot his way. "What the hell are you doing here? I know for a fact that you have nearly a month and a half left of paternity leave as I signed the paperwork myself."

"Blake kicked me out," Ted muttered, his eyes a mere slit as he rested his chin on his hand; and, frankly, looked like he'd fall over at any minute.

"Ah, you were hovering were you?" Brian snickered, and then laughed outright when Ted shot him a dirty look and flipped him off.

"Like you're one to talk," Ted snapped, and then rubbed a hand over his face and smiled sheepishly. "I do happen to know that you don't exactly handoff yourself."

Brian arched a brow.

"Heidi and Blake talk," Ted smirked tiredly. "Every single day apparently. I swear, between Heidi and Emmett, the phone is always fucking ringing." He paused to look at Brian, who's confusion must have shown on his face. "I'm guessing you didn't know about that. The three of them are thick as thieves and talk to each other about everything. It's been even worse lately as Emmett has been making noises about starting to plan for yours and Heidi's baby shower."

"Baby shower?" Brian asked; dread coating each word as a chill tripped its way down his spine. "What do you mean baby shower?"

"Ah, you didn't actually think you were going to get out of an Emmett special, did you" Ted teased, sniggering at Brian's more than horrified look. "Yeah, not happening. They have been talking themes and colors and games and favors and food to fit the said theme. Emmett has been salivating for this day; there is no way in hell he's going to give up planning the baby shower of the year."

"That's enough," Brian said, holding up a hand; he so didn't want to think about this right now. He had a meeting to run in about ten minutes and didn't need the added stress. He'd deal with it when he got home. "So why did Blake send you packing?"

"Blake said that my going in to constantly check on Luc was waking him up before his time," Ted muttered, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "And he said, if Luc doesn't sleep then he doesn't get to sleep. And if he doesn't sleep, you can bet my sweet ass that I wouldn't be sleeping. And thus, he kicked me out of the house in order to salvage his sanity and my well-being; because if I didn't leave, he wasn't going to be held responsible for what he did."

Brian threw his head back and laughed; a deep belly laugh that startled the employees that had already gathered in the conference room.

"Yeah, you laugh now," Ted said with a smirk. "But in about five months, you're going to be in my shoes and it won't seem so funny then."

"Theodore, I'm already there," Brian snickered, a wicked grin on his face. "Heidi has reached the point where sex is a thing that must happen at least twice a day, if not more. Sleep is not a thing that happens right now."

"Twice a day?" Ted asked incredulously.

"Sometimes three or four depending on her mood." Brian shrugged and smirked when Ted's jaw dropped. "Close your mouth, Theodore; we don't need you collecting flies."

"Lucky bastard," Ted grumbled, sinking back in his chair with a huff. "I was lucky if Blake wanted to have sex a few times a week; especially at the end. He complained that his skin was far too sensitive and he didn't want to be touched."

" I still want to get over that I had sex with a woman." Brian hummed, flipping the folder in front of him open when he saw Cynthia walk into the room and nod, letting him know they were ready."But this is my life now and I will not change Heidi for no one."

"Even for Justin .?" Ted exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Brian opened his eyes wide, not believing what he had just heard.

"No"

Ted snorted but didn't say anything as Brian brought the meeting to order. He spent the next hour going over the new accounts that had been brought in that week and got updates on the current campaigns in progress, finding out where they stood and where they needed to focus in order to bring them up to date. They had just finished going over staffing needs and issues when Brian flipped to the financials, which he was going to take care of; but since Ted was here, he'd have the man do it himself.

"And so, I'll turn it over to Ted, and he can fill us in on the details," Brian said, sitting back in his chair and waiting for Ted to take over the discussion. But when a few seconds had passed without any noise from that direction, Brian turned and prompted him again. "Ted?"

But the only thing that came out of Ted's mouth was a loud snore, followed by a grunt and snuffle, much to the rest of the staff's amusement. Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and mentally rolled his eyes skyward, begging for patience as everyone else around him chuckled when Ted kept right on snoozing without a care in the world.

"Ted!" Brian shouted, startling the other man out of his slumber; Ted snorted and jumped, looking around blurrily as if trying to figure out where exactly he was. He turned to Brian and quelled at his exasperated glare. "Go sleep in your fucking office so I can finish the meeting in peace."

Ted flushed and quickly gathered his things before heading towards the door, only pausing as Brian admonished.

"And for fuck's sake, Ted; the next time Blake kicks you out, go bug Heidi or Emmett; some of us are trying to work here."

"So, baby shower?" Brian asked, arching a brow as this had been the first he'd heard of it. He should have expected it though; he'd seen the fervent gleam in Emmett's eye right after he and Heidi announced their pregnancy.

"Nothing you have to worry your pretty, little head about, darling," Heidi simpered and batted her lashes; Brian just scowled. "I'll just tell you the date once it's been decided, and you only have to show up."

"But…" Brian trailed off with a grimace when Heidi leveled a gimlet stare in his direction.

"And you will show up if you know what's good for you," she stated firmly, his tone brooking no argument. Brian frowned but knew better than to say anything. "I don't expect you to play the games or do any of the silly rituals, as I know you'll probably break out in hives if you had to, but you will be here. I'll leave you to entertain Todd and Bradon."

"Yes, dear," Brian sniggered, making Heidi roll her eyes.

"Besides, it's not like I'm doing much myself, as Emmett has taken complete control..." Heidi trailed off with a funny look on her face.

Brian furrowed his brow and watched Heidi's look of utter concentration, wondering what the fuck was going on with his wife now.

"Oh," Heidi exclaimed softly, her hand flying to her belly, which had started to develop some curvature to it lately. "Oh, wow that is…"

"Heidi…" Brian looked at the hand clenched against Heidi's stomach, and then took in Heidi's stunned face with no little amount of alarm; he made all the worse as Heidi paled, sending a frisson of fear rippling down his spine. "Is everything okay? Is there something wrong with the baby?"

"Oh, Brian," Heidi said, her eyes tearing over, and that did nothing to reassure Brian. "It's…it's… I'm fine. I'm fine." Brian looked at her skeptically. "No, really, I'm fine. I promise. It's just that…I just felt the baby move."

Brian's eyes flew to Heidi's stomach and in an instant, he was on the floor his hands-on Heidi's stomach. But try as he might, he couldn't feel anything, much to his disappointment.

"Do, you feel it?" Heidi asked hoarsely, her eyes shining with joy as she took Brian's hands and moved them to a bit lower on her stomach. "Right there." But Brian couldn't 't and shook his head in negation; Heidi made a disappointed noise. "Well, they did warn us that it might take longer before you could feel it. But still..."

"What's it like?" Brian asked, his hands caressing Heidi's stomach with wonder.

"It's kind of like this fluttery feeling?" Heidi said with a frown. "Only not? Maybe more like popcorn popping. You know like these quick, little, bubbling jabs. I don't know how to explain it." Heidi paused, a small giggle of wonder bubbling out as her hand tightened over her stomach. "I thought I felt something yesterday when we're watching the ultrasound; but then I thought, I had to be imagining it just because I could see the baby squirming around on the monitor."

"I wish I could feel it," Brian said, pulling his hands away with some disappointment. He rested his hands on Heidi's hips and pressed a kiss to her stomach, and whispered.

"Soon, Sunbeam; soon."

After 4 hours Brian was watching Heidi while left the office. The woman was stressed because someone tried to sabotage her firm.

Three days ago someone hacked her security system and destroyed all her copies of design plans and Heidi almost lost control over her emotions. She threw plates and vases over the wall and threatened to slap her sons when they tried to comfort her. The firm was the baby of Heidi and it is killing her inside knowing that someone tried to hurt her hard work.

Brian, Jennifer, Tucker, Todd, and Brandon were trying everything to keep Heidi calm but only Todd was felicitously using his puppy eyes at Heidi.

His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of a man.

"She's a murderess."

Brian looked at the man who was standing at the door of his office. The man has long black hair and a big smile on his face. Wore expensive clothes and the air of arrogant was around him.

"What?" Brian snarled, saliva flying from his mouth.

"Heidi O`Neil"The man sounded gleeful. "She will kill you. She is a heartless slut and.."

Brian drags him out of his office, dumbass' arm firmly clutched in his hand. Brian shoved him towards the entranceway, his lips compressed into a thin white line and his eyes blazing. The stranger ripped his arm away and rubbed it, unwisely opening his mouth to complain. But Brian put a halt to it with one raised hand.

"Who the fuck are you.?" Brian asked between clenched teeth, staring the man down.

"A friend."The man's voice grumbled."Heidi O`Neil is a monster and a murderer. "

Brian opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out. His heart was beating so heavily against his ribcage he could feel the vibrations in his hand.

"She will kill you like she killed her first husband"The man drawled, a sardonic grin on his face and a hard glint in his eyes.

Brian looked at him, her expression stern. The brunette knew about Heidi`s ex-husband and the abuse. He had seen the scars and her screams from nightmares. She was young and naive, a true believer about true love but now, she is just like him. A broken person.

"My name is Al Ruzek and I was there. At the funeral, Heidi was smiling and everyone knows that she was the one who killed Ace"Al's tone was scathing." _Blood, so much blood. Running, trickling, splattered on the ground._ She_ was covered in it._ Thick_, red, and coppery. It smelt like death._ Ace was dead."

"You don't know my wife." The words left a bitter taste in Brian's mouth. "You knew that he was an abuser? Have you see her scars?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Brian snorted, obviously reading the non-answer correctly. "Get the fuck out of my office, Ruzek; I don't have time to deal with this bullshit. I have someone important to take care of; and newsflash is my wife."

"Come near to her and you will lose your fingers."Brian scowled. "If I found out that you were behind the hacking, I will end you."

Turning his back on the asshole, Brian smiled tightly and nodded as he took the cloth and mug from her hands. "Thank you, Cynthia. Please take care of _that_, if you would?"

"It would be my pleasure," Cynthia said, casting the peon an evil smile as Brian walked back into his office. "Shall we, Mr. Ruzek?"

* * *

Heidi leaned back and closed her eyes, a tight little smile on her face as Emmett excused himself to go use the restroom. She felt bad for her friend. Emmett had been trying so hard to distract her from jer work, but all Heidi could see in her mind were the destroyed plans. It's what it felt like too.

Like she'd been gutted. Like someone had taken a knife to her heart and belly instead of the firm.

Heidi took a deep breath and shook her head; while she was certainly upset about the rest of the damage to the firm, it was the loss of her hard work shattered her. Each piece was a part of her heart, a part of her soul that she freely gave away because she wanted to share the toys with children.

She didn't need to spark another panic attack. She'd already been close to that edge since last night and had been desperately been trying to crawl back from that ledge as she knew that this level of stress couldn't be good for her or for Sunbeam.

That is, of course, why that annoying, whining little weasel's voice decided to cut through his mental exercises now; fucking Murphy's Law.

"There you are you stupid, little alut," Michael hissed; and Heidi could tell from the tone of his voice that he was gearing up for another epic temper tantrum; fuck, where was Jennifer when she needed her; she so did not have the patience for this shit today. "I knew you were going to be nothing but trouble when you came into our lives. But, of course, you have Brian brainwashed and completely under your spell; and he never listens to me anymore."

Gee, I wonder why, Mikey? Could it be you're an annoying little shit, who seems to be stuck in a time loop; where we just keep coming back to this idea that I'm the villain in some cheesy comic book script that you've written for your life?

Did she mention that she had no patience for this shit today?

"Hello, Michael," Heidi sighed, opening her eyes to focus on the thorn in her side. "How lovely it is to see you again; how are you today? Me? Oh, I'm doing as well as can be expected given that I seem to be carrying the world's next, great soccer player or gold cast professional dancer."

"Don't get smart with me, you little whore," Michael spat; and it took everything in Heidi not to roll her eyes and, inadvertently, make things worse. "Being cute isn't going to distract me from your bullshit splattering all over Brian once again."

And Jesus Christ, Michael was a fucking broken record; he really needed to get new material because this shit was just boring Heidi now.

"So, what have I done now?" Heidi blithely asked, wondering what transgression he'd committed now in Novotneyville. "Did I single-handedly bring about the national debt? Hold down Lance Armstrong and force him to take steroids and lie to the entire world about it? Instigate global warming? Did I manage to somehow get one of your favorite comic book superheroes killed off again? Not to worry about the last one. You do know that in about a month or so, that Marvel will find a way to resurrect them, right? Superheroes never stay dead. Well, outside of Captain Astro, but he was peanuts in the greater comic book universe anyways."

Yeah, take that asshole; now go the fuck away and let me eat my lunch in peace.

"Unbelievable," Michael spat, shaking his head in disgust; Heidi just looked at him blandly since he still had no fucking idea what brought this week's tirade on. "You don't even care, do you?"

"Well, since I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about," Heidi said in an even tone, mentally counting down from one hundred so he didn't smear the insect across the floor. "As usual; it's hard to find any remorse for my so-called actions."

"I'm talking about the fact that once again Brian is in danger because of you," Michael sneered, shoving Heidi's shoulder. And, oh, she was just asking for that beat down now.

"What?" Heidi asked irritably, getting sick of the circles Michael was speaking in. Just fucking tell her the problem, so she could get on with his life; preferably within the next eon too. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, what, now you care?" Michael asked, trying to ape Brian's sarcastic wit and failing miserably. Seriously, don't even try to engage in a battle of wits when you were outclassed in every way. It just made you look pathetic.

And then Michael said something that had Heidi's blood running cold.

"I'm talking about the fact that Brian has some psycho gunning for him and wanting to off him because of you, you shit head," Michael spat, completely ignoring Heidi's comment.

Heidi literally felt all the color in her face drain; her blood chilled further as her mind started rapidly piecing things together. Things she should have picked up from the beginning, but hadn't because he'd been so heartbroken over the loss of her firm

"What?" Ahe managed to choke out.

"Didn't think I'd hear about it, did you?" Michael sneered, still running off at the mouth and not even paying attention as he ripped into Heidi. "Oh, but I heard all of the gritty details; about how someone broke into the office of Brian and threatened to kill him because of you."

"No, that's not…" Heidi denied quietly, but then trailed off as her blood began to rush in her head, leaving Michael's voice to grow distance, as more pieces fell into place.

Her heart started tripping wildly in her chest, tapping out an erratic tempo as she recalled the feeling of being watched; about how he thought she felt someone touch her at the parade and whisper something softly in his ear. She'd ignored it at the time, but now distinctly remembered a voice saying, 'you look lovely today, my angel.'

"Ace?"

"How they defaced anything that even hinted at Brian being in your life," Michael continued without even realizing he'd lost his audience's attention as Heidi was too wrapped up in her thoughts.

Heidi's breathing grew shallow with every word spat at her and every single sign that came to mind until her heartfelt as if it were trying to pound out of her chest. Her vision swam before his eyes and she felt like she couldn't breathe. It felt like her blood was literally throbbing in her head and neck and her chest was being crushed in a vise. She tried to draw in a deep breath, but he couldn't, ramping up her panic another notch.

"He said that they were actively trying to wipe Brian out of your life," Michael sneered, and Heidi barely felt Michael's spittle hit his cheek as he rampaged on like a rabid animal. "Which should be the opposite if you asked me; you're nothing but a danger to Brian because this asshole has, for some reason beyond me, decided that eliminating Brian out of your life will get them what they want. That…"

Michael's voice instantly cut off as Em came back to the table; some small part of Heidi registered Michael's face paling as he looked around and noted the disgusted looks of the patrons around him. And then he cringed when he noticed Em staring at him with barely repressed rage. But the greater part of Heidi's focus was internal, latched onto the one thought that could terrify her more than losing the use of her right hand once more.

"Michael," Em hissed, shoving the other man away from Heidi; but Heidi could barely even react as her mind was elsewhere. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm was just telling this slut that once again he is nothing but a menace and Brian would have been better off…" Michael hissed, gearing up once more, before cowering as Emmett's face darkened.

"Better off what, Michael?" Em asked in a deceptively silky tone, his eyes flashing fire at the smaller man. "Being with you?"

"That is not…" Michael protested, realizing he was perilously close to getting his ass kicked by any, and all, present.

"Save it for someone who cares," Em spat, turning back to aking and panting Heidi. "Heidi?" Heidi turned slowly towards him, blanching when she saw the worried look on Em's face; shit, she must look worse than she felt. "Heidi; are you okay?"

Heidi tried to reassure her friend that she was okay, but he couldn't get the words out. All she could see in his mind's eye was Brian, lying broken and bleeding among the glass and the ceramics and the wood and the slashed canvas on the loft floor. Heidi sucked in a sharp breath and, unknowingly, made a keening sound in the back of her throat.

"Heidi, come on," Em pleaded, reaching out a hand towards Heidi; but she couldn't stand the thought of anyone touching her right now. She flinched, curling away from Emmett as the visual of Brian continued to play over and over in a continuous loop in Heidi's head. Em growled and spun around. "What the fuck did you say to her, Michael?"

"Oh, this is just so typical," Michael spat, firing up once again and clearly not getting the picture that he was treading on thin ice; something that a small, still observant, part of Heidi recognized by Em's tone. It was the same one he'd developed for tricks who couldn't seem to understand that no meant no. "She freaks out and you blame me; the stupid slut just couldn't face the truth that once again Brian is in danger because of her."

"You said what?" Em asked in a deceptively calm voice, and then he held up his hand before Michael could answer. "You know what? I don't have time for your petty bullshit. You have exactly thirty seconds to get the hell out of here, or you will learn just how I survived all those years in Hazelhurst. And trust me, when they say my aim is deadly accurate; it means just that."

"Sir, is there a problem?" the manager asked, coming up at that moment.

"No," Em said, and then paused, giving Michael the evil eye. "Actually yes; this man was harassing my friend and I'd like him to leave."

"Your friend?" Michael squawked, his mouth agape. "Oh, and what am I?"

"Nothing, Michael," Em said, looking at him as if he'd smelled something putrid. "You are nothing to me. Because the person I met, the friend that I thought I once knew, wouldn't have done this. I don't know who the fuck you are anymore. And quite frankly, I don't care to. No, leave before I do something I won't regret."

"But Em…" Michael whined, but Em ignored him.

He turned back to Heidi and knelt down in front of her; Heidi felt as if she was watching him from a distance, her vision blurred and graying a bit around the edges. Frowning, Em grabbed a napkin, wet it with some water from Heidi's glass and dabbed at Heidi's brow. Heidi hissed and flinched; the napkin felt unnaturally cold against his unnaturally hot skin, almost as if she were running a fever. Closing her eyes, Heidi shook her head rapidly trying to get away from the soothing touch. She didn't deserve it, not when Brian…

Oh God, Brian; why hadn't she seen what had been right in front of her face? He'd been so worried about her firm and oh, God, she couldn't even think it. Shuddering, Heidi leaned her head against Em's shoulder.

"Sir, I have to ask you to leave," the tinny voice of the manager came above the roaring in Heidi's ears. "I can't have you disrupting my business or harassing my customers."

"But I don't understand what…" Michael started but was cut off.

"Please leave," the manager said a bit more firmly; and then he sighed and said to…well, Heidi had no idea who; but someone there. "A little help here?"

"Wait, wait," Michael spluttered and then demanding if he weren't the entire reason Heiss couldn't feel any of her limbs. "What's wrong with her?"

"You need to leave now, Michael; I don't have time to deal with your bullshit!" Em spat, cautiously wrapping an arm around Heidi; but Heidi couldn't really feel it. She felt so cold inside, a hardball of dread solidifying in her stomach as she played the words over in her head again. "Heidi? Come on baby, talk to me."

Heidi lifted her head and winced as pain lanced through it.

"Em?" Heidi whispered, her hands shaking. "I don't feel so good. My heart is racing; I can feel it pounding in chest and neck and ears. And my vision is swimming. My chest hurts and it feels like I can't breathe…"

"Can someone call me an ambulance?" Em called over her shoulder, panic creeping in his voice, and Heidi wanted to reassure her friend, but she wasn't even sure of it herself. "It's okay, Heidi; you're going to be fine. Just breathe with me okay. Just like you learned, inhale, two, three; hold, two, three; exhale, two, three; hold, two, three. And again; that's good, Heidi ."

After that, Heidi lost the thread of what was going on; she didn't know how long they sat there trying to force Heidi's breathing to even out; but it must have been awhile because the next thing she knew he was being lifted onto a gurney, with voices echoing over her.

"Can you tell us what happened?" an authoritative voice asked.

"Unfortunately I don't know much as I went to the restroom," Em said, his voice frantic. "But when I got back, she was arguing with a friend, and she went suddenly pale and mentioned that she was having chest pains and breathing issues and that her heart was racing. She's pregnant and I didn't want to take any chances."

"Her blood pressure is elevated," Another voice came from the fog surrounding Heidi. "Are you riding with us?"

"Yes, I'm her friend," Emmett said in a firm tone; and Heidi almost smiled at that. "Let me just call her husband and we can be on our way." Emmett pressed a kiss to her brow. "I'll be right back, Heidi. I just want to call Brian, so he can be there to meet us there. I know how much you hate this, but we don't want anything to happen to, Sunbeam."

Emmett hurried away and then finally after a period of time that Heidi couldn't quite keep the measure of, they were swiftly making their way out the door and he was being put into the ambulance, with Em's voice echoing in his ears before he mercifully blacked out.

"Brian? This is Emmett. I need you to get to West Penn as soon as possible. Um…something has happened to Heidi, but I don't know what; the paramedics said something about him having elevated blood pressure and Heidi was complaining of chest pain and being short of breath and they are currently loading her into…Brian? Brian? Fuck me. I so don't want to be in Michael's shoes right now." 


	15. Chapter 15

Emmett soberly watched the scene playing out in front of him with just a hint of a smile touching his lips, knowing that Heidi's loud complaints would get her nowhere.

It's also one he'd find much more amusing if he wasn't still trying to hold onto the reins of his temper, and wasn't fully cognizant of the reason for this hospital visit.

Oh, he hadn't been aware of the reason for Heidi's meltdown at the time; but due to the amazing pervasiveness of digital media today, Emmett was now well-aware of why Heidi had broken down the way she had.

Emmett had long wanted to instigate a Come-to-Jesus Meeting; preferably with his foot up Michael's ass. But Heidi had talked him out of it time and time again; and because he loved Heidi so much, and was trying to heed his wishes, Emmett had remained silent.

Well no more.

After watching his friend work himself up into such an agitated state that he literally passed out due to hyperventilation; he wasn't going to sit back and play Mister Nice Guy. Michael was in his crosshairs, and he better do as his Aunt Lula would have suggested, running long and hard; because his check was about to come due and he'd long been writing checks his ass couldn't cash.

Sighing, Emmett tuned back into the ongoing 'discussion' between CEO and Big Bad, Yet. Emmett had enough problems keeping his own temper in check; he didn't have the time or the patience to hold back a rampaging Kinney set on the warpath.

A sight that could be truly beautiful to behold when it was directed to a laser-like point, but also one that left a widespread trail of collateral damage in his wake.

And there would be plenty of the latter in this particular case.

"When can I get out of here again?" Heidi groused, punching at her pillows as she tried to beat them into some sort of comfortable state.

"Tomorrow," Brian reiterated, rolling his eyes at his husband's continued antics and slapping Heidi's hands away as he rearranged the pillows once more. "I already told you this."

"It was just an anxiety attack," Heidi huffed, throwing herself against the pillows in a fit of pique that almost hid the way her hands trembled. "I just don't see what the fuss is; I've had them before. There was no need to haul me off to the hospital."

"Your blood pressure is still higher than they like," Brian said, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose, likely praying for patience. "They want to observe you overnight to make sure this is an anomaly, not something we need to worry about. It's done, Heidi. And all the whining and groveling in the world is not going to change this."

"You take that back," Heidi hissed, baring her teeth in the process; and really, she wasn't helping his argument by doing that. "I do not whine!"

"You're doing a great impression of it then," Brian said, casting an irritated look Heidi's way; and then said something that had Emmett wincing because he knew it wouldn't go over well at the moment. "For a minute there; I swore that Mikey was in the room."

"Don't speak that name to me!" Heidi spat, her eyes spitting fire; and yup, Emmett had known that would happen. Now that Heidi was no longer shocked by the venom Michael had spewed at him, he was spitting mad.

"Oh, fuck," Brian said, narrowing his eyes at his wife. "What the fuck did Michael do now?"

"Nothing," Heidi mumbled, wincing as she never intended on saying anything.

Baby crossed his arms over his chest and looked away from Big Bad, likely in the hope that he'd drop it. Emmett could have told him that would never happen. Big Bad was on the scent of trouble and was a fucking terrier with a bone when it came down to it.

"Heidi," Brian stated implacably, a hint of steel in his eyes.

Heidi turned back and just stared him down, not once flinching under that hard gaze, a mutinous expression firmly planted on his face.

"You know I will find out," Brian said, arching a brow. And really, that was the truth of it; because if Heidi didn't fess up, Emmett sure as hell was going to do it. "You might as well come clean now."

"I can deal with it myself," Heidi said, turning away to face the wall again.

Brian compressed his lips into a thin, white line as he stared at the back of Heidi's head, his fingers clenching and unclenching as he tried to find a way to get his recalcitrant wife to talk. And then he flicked his eyes over at Emmett, latching onto him with a suddenness that had Emmett sitting up straight; and then he smiled a cold, hard smile that said he'd figured out that Emmett was his best chance for information.

face the wall again.

Brian compressed his lips into a thin, white line as he stared at the back of Justin's head, his fingers clenching and unclenching as he tried to find a way to get his recalcitrant husband to talk. And then he flicked his eyes over at Emmett, latching onto him with a suddenness that had Emmett sitting up straight; and then he smiled a cold, hard smile that said he'd figured out that Emmett was his best chance for information.

Swallowing thickly, Emmett stared right back, shivering at the look on Big Bad's face; and it took everything in him not to gasp out loud at the rage he'd seen simmering in Brian's eyes, inadvertently giving him away to Heidi.

"I hate hospitals," Heidi muttered, wilting back against the pillows, her face paler than it should be as he stared miserably at the ceiling.

Brian instantly homed in on his husband once again, allowing Emmett to take a deep breath and relax. He didn't fool himself one bit in thinking that Brian wasn't going to pin him down as soon as possible to pump him for information. It would happen, and Emmett could all but read the number of days until Michael's demise in that look.

"I know, baby," Brian said, his face softening as he kissed Heidi on the forehead. "But it's just for the night, and I will be right here with you the entire night." Brian ran his hand through Heidi's hair, garnering him a watery smile. "Promise me that you will stay; if not for you then to make sure that Sunbeam is safe."

"Not fair," Heidi mumbled but seemed resigned to her fate.

"I thought we covered this before," Brian said, arching a brow as he sat back in his seat.

"I know, I know," Heidi huffed, scowling at a very triumphant, and smug in the knowledge, Big Bad. "You still fight dirty."

"That's never been a secret, my CEO," Brian smirked, running his fingers over Heidi's arm before linking them with the fingers of the hand resting on Heidi's stomach. "And still you manage to love me anyway."

Heidi opened her mouth to respond but was quickly interrupted by a blonde whirlwind as her friend rushed through the door in a panic. Heidi didn't even bother to hide her groan as she rushed her, relief filling her face as she pulled him into her arms and nearly squeezed Heidi to death.

"Heidi!" Jen gasped against Heidi's hair, her eyes closing against the tears welling up in them. Heidi sighed and shot Brian an annoyed look as he patted her on the back. Brian just smirked, one that quickly smoothed out as Jen let Heidi go and faced him. "I got here as quickly as I could, but between trying to get everyone out of the house I was showing and traffic…" Jen huffed and then dropped a kiss onto Brian's cheek before sitting down to catch her breath. "Hello, sweetheart; do you have any information yet?"

"You know," Heidi huffed, staring at her friend in disbelief. "I am sitting right here."

"Hush, Heidi," Jen admonished in the way only mothers could, barely sparing Baby a look before she turned back to Brian with a knowing look. It always amused Emmett that in these situations, Brian was the favored child; something Big Bad needled Baby about endlessly. "I know better than to ask you as you'll just downplay everything."

Heidi huffed, threw himself dramatically on the bed, and buried her face into his pillows muttering something about interfering friends and annoying husbands that wouldn't go away and leave him alone. Brian smirked at Heidi's back but quickly sobered as he filled Jen in on all of the details, his face growing darker with everything that the doctors had relayed to him about Heidi's condition.

By the time he'd finished, Jen's face was set into a grim mask, Brian was clenching his hands into fists once more and Heidi was staring at her hands with an uncomfortable moue on her face. And Emmett; he was furious. Meeting Brian's gaze once more, he nodded towards the door, getting a confirming nod in return.

"Jen," Brian said, a stiff smile on his face as he uncrossed his legs and stood. "Could you sit with Heidi for a bit? I need to talk to Emmett out in the hall for a few minutes."

"Of course, sweetheart," Jen said, looking between Brian and Emmett with a curious expression, but didn't ask.

Heidi`s head shot up and he narrowed his eyes at her husband, but Brian just ignored him. She turned to look at Emmett instead, knowing she'd have a better chance of convincing him to let things go, but Emmett just shook his head.

"Emmett," Heidi said with a stern look.

"Not this time, Heidi," was all that Emmett said as he headed for the door.

"Jen!" Heidi spluttered, a little shocked he wasn't getting her way. "You need to stop them!"

"Heidi," Jen stated in a firm voice. "I don't know what's going on; but, if it's what I think it is, there is no way in hell I'm stopping them. Now lie down and stop fussing."

Brian and Emmett exchanged an amused look as Heidi squawked at her friend's words and quickly left the room before Heidi could try hopping out of the bed to stop them. They silently walked down the hall, passing the waiting room to find a much more private area before Brian turned to him with a grim, but determined smile.

"What happened?" he asked, his tone brooking no arguments. Not that Emmett intended to argue with him over this; he, himself, was done.

Taking a deep breath, Emmett quickly filled him in on what he'd seen happening at the restaurant, including how Heidi had seemed tense the entire morning in spite of his efforts to distract her, leading up to when he came out of the bathroom to find Michael hovering over him. Brian's face grew darker and darker as Emmett then relayed the argument between him and Michael and trying to help Heidi with her panic attack, but he had been too far gone to listen.

And then, when Emmett mentioned the man who visited Brian`s office and his threat, that Mike blamed Heidi and called names. Emmett blood-chilling in his veins as he watched Brian's face harden until two pieces of flint stared up at him.

"I am so done with this shit," Brian said in cold, measured tone that had Emmett shuddering as he handed Emmett his phone. "It ends now."

With that Brian walked around Emmett with a grim smile; and well, Emmett was all for Big Bad going out and handing Michael his ass. But…but he'd promised Heidi that he would be there for the night; and if he went after Michael now, there was no way he wouldn't end up in a jail cell. So, girding himself up for a fight, Emmett strode after Brian and intercepted him, arms crossed over his chest.

"Honey," Emmett said, and then paused to find the words necessary to temper Brian's rage; at least for the night. "I know you're angry and I don't blame you; if I were in your place, and Michael had done this to Drew, you would not be able to stop me from shooting his ass. So, far be it for me to stop you from getting your vengeance."

"I sense a 'but' coming," Brian said tersely; but at least he was listening and not turning Emmett into a human pancake.

"But right now," Emmett pointed out with a knowing look. "Heidi needs you more than you need to get revenge. That woman is terrified; not only because she's in the hospital, but because she knows damned well that this could have an adverse effect on Sunbeam."

Brian exhaled explosively and then cursed under his breath as he turned on his heel and walked a few steps away. He pulled at his hair and then turned back and gestured impatiently for Emmett to continue his thoughts. Again, he was visibly unhappy at the interruption, but still willing to listen to Emmett's reasoning.

"And to top it all off, he is worried about you," Emmett continued, running a hand through his hair; God, he hoped this would work. He really didn't want to tell Heidi that her husband was in jail because he'd murdered his former best friend. "That doesn't make for good headspace. So, you need to focus on her for now. And then tomorrow, or the next day, or a week from now, when she has been discharged and she's at home resting; you can seek out Michael and I will be right there with you. Understand?"

Brian exhaled explosively once more but eventually nodded.

"Yeah, I get it," Brian huffed, obviously not at all happy with putting his plans off, but seeing the reason in the current situation." What the fuck I am going to tell Todd and Brandon?"

The two sons of Heidi were gone to New York to their jobs. It was a big socked to them learning about their mother's marriage with Brian Kinney, the man who broke their cousin's heart and then, fucked their mother. Todd has seemed to accept his mother's marriage but Brandon was so close to killing Brian. The older son of, almost went man about the wedding and Tucker with Todd had to keep Brandon from beat the crap out of the man. The young man found the marriage disgusting and ridiculous because of their mother married to someone who is just like her, it was like Heidi married herself but a male version. Todd and Brandon threatened their new step-father telling him that he must love and respect their mother or no one would find his body.

"That you kept your promise" Emmett nodded; and then his gaze hardened as he thought of something else. "So, you go take care of our CEO; I have a few things I need to do myself."

"Em…" Brian warned, obviously thinking that Emmett was going to go after Michael himself.

"I promise not to do anything to Michael," he said with a thin smile. "Yet. But I am curious as to why Carl, who knows better than to talk about an open case, is filling Michael in on details that would be better off left in the dark. Something isn't right there. I just can't see him doing that no matter how much he loves Deb."

"You make an excellent point," Brian mused thoughtfully as they headed back to Heidi's room. "I remember when he was dealing with that rash of break-ins before he retired. And even though we all knew most of the details from friends, he still refused to confirm or deny anything."

"And that's why I don't believe Michael one bit," Emmett said; it would just be like Michael to twist things into his favor. "Something is fishy there, and I aim to find out."

"Let me know what you find out," Brian said, grimacing as he approached the door. "For now, I have a drama princess to deal with; God knows making sure he doesn't try to sneak out of the hospital will be headache enough for tonight."

"Kiss our CEO for me," Emmett teased, smirking when Brian glared at him. "I'll be back once I find out what the hell is going on."

"Not likely, Honeycutt," Brian glowered, pointing at Emmett. "The only kisses my CEO will be receiving are from me, and me alone. Keep your hands to yourself."

"Can't blame me for trying," Emmett quipped as he continued down the hall. "And don't call me, Honeycutt."

* * *

The sky is a bleak grey today. Without the sun, the breeze is cool enough to make the hair on her arms rise.

Her bags are packed and her condo is immaculately clean. It's so clean it echoes, and Heidi can still hear Brian's voice the last night, giving her the news, and she can still hear the ancient blessing, harrowing words in Hebrew, falling from his unpracticed lips as if they had come to them from nowhere.

_"We are moving on"_

After what happened with Mike, her husband had decided that they must leave and go to New York. They want their daughter to grow up away from a toxic environment and away from Mike.

A sharp knock on his door shakes Heidi from his thoughts. She can feel the whole sleepless night in her bones, no, in her whole body, really, on the inside of her eyelids and on the tip of her tongue, as she walks down the hallway to see who is there.

Melanie.

She opens the door and lets her walkthrough, Heidi eyes following her along the hallway and up to where her bags are waiting on the floor, all neatly packed, in the middle of the dining room.

For a moment, they're both just standing there, taking each other in, not really sure what to say. Heidi knows that she's all but staring, but she can't really judge, because she's not taken her eyes off her since the second they banged into each other. She tries not to let everything overwhelm her, but her fantastic brain feels the need to remind her that the last time she saw her, they were rutting against each other like horny teenagers in her apartment.

"So I guess I owe you an explanation."

Heidi smiles. "I guess so do I."

* * *

Brian stared at the house that had, at one time, been home to him and sighed. It hurt his heart that after today, he may or may not be welcome in it; it really could go either way. After all, Michael was Deb's biological son, and she had a nasty habit of siding with him no matter had badly he'd behaved. And Brian was likely about to end a nearly thirty-year friendship today, but one did what they must.

He hated to confront Michael at Deb's house of all places. It had been his sanctuary for many years. And Michael knew it; which is why the asshole had very cleverly taken to hiding here as often as possible; he likely thought that Brian wouldn't dare rip him a new asshole in his mother's house.

Mikey really should have known better; nothing, but nothing would stop him from this.

"You ready, sweetie?" Emmett asked from the passenger seat, his eyes coolly trained on the house in front of them; he, thankfully, hadn't commented on them sitting outside it for the last several minutes as Brian put his thoughts together.

"Is anyone ever really ready for this, Em?" Brian huffed, bitter note in his voice.

"I guess not," Emmett said noncommittally; he turned to Brian and arched a brow, taunting Brian just enough to raise his hackles. "Having second thoughts?"

"Oh, hell no," Brian hissed, glaring at a smirking Emmett. And he really wasn't; even now, his blood boiled every time he recalled Michael telling Heidi that she was a danger to him; that he should have been...well, we all know what Mikey thought Heidi should have been. Gritting his teeth, rage flooded his system; he really should have hit the asshole a lot harder that day. Maybe then he would have caught a clue.

"Not one bit" Brian confirmed with a grim smile; Michael was about to get a reckoning. "This has been a long time in the making." Brian paused, a small sad smile touching his lips. "I just wish I could believe that Deb won't hold a grudge or find a way to blame me for…whatever. Unfortunately, prior experience speaks otherwise."

Emmett sobered and smiled sympathetically; something that Brian ignored. He didn't need nor want anyone's pity.

"No matter what happens," Emmett said, patting him awkwardly on the back. "Just know that the majority of us – Jen, Daphne, Drew, Ted, Blake, Molly, Carl, and myself – we are all on your

Brian couldn't help but smile a little at that because it was absolutely true; look at what the brat had done when he and Mikey weren't...speaking. He sobered at that thought; maybe it would have been better if he hadn't. Heidi certainly would have been much better off without Michael's presence in their lives.

"The little twat does have a way of shutting people down," Brian agreed, his mouth twisting into a faint smirk; and then he turned back to the house, his eyes narrowing a tad as he noticed the curtains in the living room flutter; as if someone had been watching them.

And likely they were; his best guess would be Mikey since neither Deb nor Carl came to the door to greet them. And that just enraged him further. Fucking, little coward; hiding behind mommy's apron because he didn't have the fucking balls to face up to what he'd done. That one small action cemented how things were going to go in this meeting.

Had Mikey come to the door and taken his punishment like a man, Brian would have felt like there was still a sliver of hope left for their friendship. But by taking the coward's way out, he'd just proven he was not the man Brian had once thought he was; and he couldn't respect a man that couldn't admit when he was wrong.

Inhaling deeply, Brian opened his door and climbed out, barely aware of Emmett doing the same. He forcefully shut the door and then looked to the right; he shared a grim smile with Emmett and headed for the door. Quickly crossing the yard, Brian climbed the stairs with Emmett following in his wake. Reaching for the doorknob, he didn't even bother to knock as he didn't want to announce his presence. He just strode into the living room, a cold smile curling on his lips as he noticed Mikey shoving something into a bag at his feet, babbling to Deb all the while.

"Going somewhere?" Brian asked in a deceptively soft tone; one that he knew would throw the others off, but knew that Michael would recognize since he'd heard it numerous times when Brian had defended him from bullies. Michael's head popped up and he paled, his fingers falling useless against the bag. "Well, this won't take long."

"Brian…" Michael began weakly; likely about to begin his litany of reasons of why he wasn't really to blame – he wasn't feeling well, he was just worried and overreacted, he'd heard that Heidi was acting oddly, the moon was full, they didn't have her favorite cheese in the store, she stubbed her toe this morning.

It really didn't matter what the fucking reason was; Brian couldn't give even one fuck about his explanations; there was nothing that Michael could say to excuse his behavior. And Brian was beyond sick of Michael's attitude and he wasn't going to tolerate it anymore.

"You with me," Brian hissed stalking over to Michael; he grabbed the other man by the arm and yanked him out of his seat, dragging him across the room when Michael didn't react fast enough. "Now, Michael!"

"What's going on?" Deb cried, getting up from her seat; but Brian didn't even bother to look back as he forcefully led Michael on a path through the living, into the kitchen, and out the back door.

There was no need to. He didn't need to look to know what their reactions would be. Deb would be standing there, hands on her hips, an indignant expression on her face because God fucking forbid someone other than she chastises her baby.

"Deb, I love you; but, butt the fuck out," Brian threw over his shoulder as he opened the back door and shoved Michael through it. He held up a single finger and pointed between his chest and Michael. "This is between me and him."

"Now listen here you little shit…" Deb started as she made her way toward the back door, only to be intercepted from her righteous path as Emmett came out of nowhere and blocked her. And that would be exactly why Brian brought him. Queen that he may be, Emmett knew how to hold his own against Deb and would watch his back.

"Deb!" Emmett growled, startling her long enough that he had a chance to shut and lock the door. "For fuck's sake, leave it be! He is fully justified in his anger at Michael. And before you ask; no, I will not be telling you why, as it is none of your business! Now sit down and shut up!"

Brian smirked; if he hadn't been so pissed at Michael's actions, he would have laughed at Deb's shrill, indignant squawk filling the air, followed by the low, soothing tones of Ben trying to placate her. It was fucking pathetic just how predictable they could be. But as it was, he had a bigger fish to fry.

Brian clambered off the porch and down the stairs, Michael whining in his wake. He rolled his eyes, and grit his teeth against the urge to stop the whining with his fist. Entering the small yard, Brian shoved Michael firmly away from him, not caring that Michael stumbled a little. As it was, his breath was coming in shallow pants and he was so close to losing it, he needed to get Michael away from him.

"Ow!" Michael whined, rubbing his arm in an effort to draw sympathy; but it didn't work this time, as Brian was, to steal a phrase from Justin, on to him and his manipulative behavior. "Brian!"

"Shut up!" Brian commanded, his eyes practically spitting fire. "I have something to say to you, and for once in your godforsaken life, you are going to keep that nasty mouth of yours closed and listen. Or I promise that I will take great joy in tying your ass down into a chair and gagging you. And trust me, you won't enjoy it."

Michael fell silent at those words, his eyes going wide and wounded, like a fucking puppy; but Brian wasn't buying it anymore. Not after what he'd seen in the past month. The wool had been firmly pulled from his eyes, shredded up and burnt to fucking ashes. There was no way Michael's little manipulations were going to get to him.

Pacing the length of the tiny yard, Brian studied Michael quietly, noting several things he'd been blind to for so many years – the slight bitter twist to his mouth, the spiteful crinkle of his nose and the calculating glint lying just behind that wounded gaze. It sickened him that he'd fallen for it so many times, and he couldn't believe that he had as he stared at this man – someone he'd once considered a lifelong friend. He also couldn't hold back the utter disappointment and disgust at himself from welling up in his throat like bile.

And that only made Brian's fury burn that much hotter and brighter; fucking little shit.

"I would hit you right now," Brian said in a carefully controlled voice, that still trembled with fury around the edges; he was careful to keep a couple of arms lengths between the two of them. He didn't trust his ability to hold back if Michael were within range. "But I'm afraid that if I start, I will never stop. And that…that doesn't make me feel very good, Michael. I have tried very hard NOT to be my father; and the fact that you have made me so furious that I'm contemplating physical violence makes me sick to my stomach."

Michael's eyes bugged out at that announcement, and for the first time, he looked uncertain. Good. He hoped that the little asshole wallowed in it; he hoped that it ate him up inside, just like the fear and stress ate at Heidi when the little bastard attacked her the other day.

"Tell me, Michael," Brian said in a faux conversational tone, his eyes growing dark and flinty as he stared at his former friend. "Where in your pea-sized brain did you think it was it was okay to get a pregnant woman so upset that she had to be rushed to, and admitted into, the fucking hospital because of her blood pressure spiked?"

Michael swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple visibly bobbing from where Brian stood; Brian circled the other man with a sneer on his face, looking very much like a shark waiting to attack. And really, he was. He was this close to saying screw his principles and just wailing on the nasty little brat. And really, the only thing that stopped him was the fact that Heidi needed him at the house, not in a jail cell. Brian arched his brow, and gestured with his arms and hands as if to say, 'well, hit me with your excuses, fucker.' But Michael just looked at the ground and remained silent.

Yeah, he didn't think the asshole would say anything.

"Tell me why," Brian continued in a mocking tone, smirking when Michael bristled at it. Come on the fucker. Just one word; just say one word and give me an excuse to pound your useless ass into the ground.

"Tell me why I was sitting at my stressed-out, anxious wife's bedside, listening to our doctors say things like 'hee blood pressure is far higher than we like it to be;' and that 'if it remains high, it could potentially lead to low birth weight or an early delivery;' or that 'it could harm the carrier's kidneys or other organs;' or my favorite, that it 'causes decreased blood flow to the placenta and potential placental abruption.'"

Michael turned white and then red; and took a halting step away from Brian, obviously wanting to put even more distance between them. But Brian could have told him that it was useless. If he'd really wanted to, nothing would have stopped him from getting his hands on the little bastard.

"Why was I sitting there comforting my wife," Brian asked, his voice growing steely as he stalked forward; the blood rushed through his ears and his hands clenched into fists as Michael scrambled backward. Not that it did any good as Brian caught up to him with two strides. He grabbed Michael by the collar and spat.

"Trying to soothe his anxiety so that his blood pressure didn't continue to rise; hoping, and praying to a God that I don't even believe in, that everything will be okay. Why was I holding her shaking body in my arms as she cried at the thought of our Sunbeam being born far too early, or even a potentially deadly, leading to a stillborn birth!?"

Michael shook his head in denial, but Brian didn't want to hear it. He didn't care if Michael hadn't realized that his actions could have such serious consequences. The fact of the matter was that he knew that it could be detrimental in other ways. He knew that Heidi's anxiety levels were often higher than most peoples due to her job. He knew that his actions could trigger a panic attack, and he knew that even something that small could have an adverse reaction to Heidi and the baby.

And he did it anyway.

Brian wasn't feeling merciful for that reason alone.

"I'll tell you why," Brian hissed, shoving Michael away from him; he watched as Michael barely caught himself in time to keep from falling on his ass. Too bad. "Because you're a jealous, spiteful, little viper that eavesdropped on a phone conversation that had nothing to do with you and was none of your fucking business. And then, rather than using your few functioning brain cells to realize that letting sensitive information out was a bad idea, you used it to confront Justin in the middle of a fucking restaurant! Spewing your bile and venom for all to hear, including, potentially, the person that had perpetrated the crime in the first place! And then, rather than be a decent person, you blame my wife, triggering an anxiety attack."

"Wife...Michael started and then cut himself off as Brian swung his head and stared at him incredulously.

Michael's eyes widened until the whites were showing, fear filling them as he realized that hadn't been his wisest move. Brian laughed humorously at his reaction. Really? Out of all the things he had said, that was what he latched onto? Un-fucking-believable.

"Yes. Wife."Brian nodded, his lips compressing in a thin line as Michael winced.

Michael opened his mouth to protest but quickly snapped it shut once more as Brian threw him a filthy look; one that just dared Michael to give him a reason to shut it for him.

"So, what was it, Mikey?" Brian mocked, carefully placing his hands in his pockets as he walked up to Michael and got into his face. "You had a bad day and decided that Heidi was an easy target? First Justin and now, Heidi?. You are fucking jealous because I don't want yoyouou want me. I was you Justin and you were behaved like a prick. I found a new best friend, someone who respect me and love me and instead of dealing with it like a man, you've reverted to acting like petulant teenager lashing out at the world; or the most viable target. Did it make you feel better, Mikey? Were you hoping that she'd lose it?"

Michael's head snapped up, his eyes wide, mouth agape and seemed completely stunned that Brian would ever say that to him. That Brian would accuse him of doing something like that. But really, what was he supposed to think? Michael had become a rampaging nightmare from the moment that he and Heidi had announced their pregnancy. And as sad as it was to say, he could very well believe it of Michael; even if it had only been on a subconscious level.

"Because that could still happen," Brian said, his voice gone hoarse as he thought of Heidi, sitting at home on bed rest for the next two days in the hope that being in a calm, quiet, familiar environment would bring her blood pressure down to her normal level.

"She isn't out of danger yet. Shee could still go into labor, and having the baby at this stage could mean a death sentence for Sunbeam. Only about 20-35 percent of babies survive if they are born this early. And let me tell you, Michael; if that happens, there is no place you can hide where I won't find you. You better pray that I'm feeling merciful then; because if I'm not... Although the likelihood of my being merciful would be slim to nil at that point, so I suppose that's moot."

Michael looked away, and for a moment, Brian thought he might actually look ashamed of his actions; but then Brian remembered how many times Michael had done something similar and then 'apologized,' only turn right back around and go back to the same damned behaviors. There is a reason that 'sorry is bullshit' had become one of Brian's mottos. Michael had taught him that lesson to him a long time ago.

Michael looked at his hands and mumbled something.

"What was that?" Brian asked, dying to know what little piece of wisdom Mikey was trying to impart now; or more likely, what excuse he was offering up now.

"I said I was sorry," Michael said a bit tersely; and really, if you're going to fucking apologies, at least have the grace to pretend you mean it. Don't act like a petulant child being forced to say the words.

Brian stared at Michael for a long moment, wondering when he'd become this person in front of him – spiteful, mean, and bitter; a man that thought that nothing more than a few token words and a fake smile would heal the wounds he'd created.

Had he always been this person, and Brian had just ignored it because he was scared that he'd lose the only family that he'd ever known? Was he only willing to see it now because Heidi had come into his life and bought with him Jen and Molly and Tucker and Daphne and a wealth of other people that made up his new family?

He didn't know, but it ended here; it ended today.

"Sorry, doesn't cut it, Michael," Brian said, exhaustion washing over him as he stared at his long-time friend; especially when Michael's mouth gaped again. Brian gave a mirthless laugh. "Oh yeah; that wasn't what you expected to hear, was it? You were expecting me to say 'sorry is bullshit' and reassure you that everything would be fine in the end, weren't you?"

Brian shook his head as the look on Michael's face confirmed his suspicions.

"Not gonna happen," Brian said firmly, almost laughing when Michael's eyes bulged again. "Not now, not ever. You are lucky you are even standing at this point; because I am so close to ending you that I can barely stand to be in the same room as you. In fact, the only reason that you are is that I still respect and love your mother and wouldn't want to cause her undue pain by murdering her only child. Because let me tell you, it is so tempting right now."

Michael stared at him in disbelief and opened his mouth, but Brian held up a hand to ward him off because he really didn't trust himself to not give him the beating Michael so richly deserved. And he was terrified at the thought that if he started, he really wouldn't stop until Michael was no longer moving.

"Not to mention that I would be little good to Heidi if I was in a jail cell. Now, I need to go back home and make sure that my wife and our child isn't going to be in danger because of your thoughtless actions."

Brian stared at Michael, and watched as the walls started to build right before his eyes; watched as Michael started rewriting the script in his head to go in his favor and Brian just shook his head at Michael's complete lack of remorse.

"But, before I go, I will tell you this," Brian said, wanting to make his position very clear. And there was only one way he knew to do it where Michael would believe it without question. "And this is a promise from me to you, Michael; and you know I never go back on my promises."

Michael swallowed thickly, his eyes welling up as Brian stared at him with no little amount of distrust, disgust and keen disappointment.

"If you so much as breathe on Heidi wrong over the next few months, there will be no end to the pain I will cause you. You will be done. Do you hear me? I have put up with this bullshit for years because I know that Heidi can take care of herself; she doesn't need me to fight her battles. But that ends right here, right now. Because right now, she is taking care of herself and my unborn child; and that comes first and foremost. Anything else, anyone else that causes her even a hint of stress or pain will have to come through me first. And you don't want to be on that list. Stay the fuck away from me, and my wife; you aren't welcome any longer."

Brian spun on his heel and walked back towards the house. Michael made a distressed noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob, but it didn't melt Brian's heart one bit. All he had to do was visualize Heidi lying in a hospital bed, crying her eyes out as the doctors told her that unless they got her blood pressure under control, the baby would be in danger since he couldn't take most of the meds available. That single thought had chilled Brian to the bone and hardened him against any small stray strand of sympathy that he might have felt for his former friend.

"Oh, and Michael," Brian said as he opened the door, casting one last hard look his way. "If you ever call my wife a lot again, I will make sure that you will meet Heidi`s ex-husband

* * *

Heidi could feel her heart pounding in her chest, could hear her blood rushing past her ears. Her chest burnt as her lungs heaved with the effort of each intake of breath.

Brown eyes. Impossible brown eyes. Eyes she'd dreamed about over and over for the past year.

She blinked, taking a small step back.

It was jarring, having those eyes on her again, familiar and yet foreign all at once.

They seemed softer, sadder somehow, which didn't make sense, not considering where they'd been the last time she'd looked into those deep pools of brown.

"Heidi," Melanie said quietly, voice wavering on just a single word.

Heidi felt her throat grow tight as she took another step back, blinking furiously against the sudden wetness in her eyes. She'd never thought she'd hear her name said in that tone, in that voice, from those lips, ever again.

She swallowed hard, nausea bubbling in her stomach.

"I need to know whether or not you hate me," Heidi said in a rush, cutting Melanie off before she can get a word in.

"You married him."

Heidi shook her head. "No. No, you don't get to say that," she choked out, running a shaky hand through her hair.

"Heidi–"

"No!"

Her shout echoed in the space around them, bouncing off the wall behind Melanie. A strange mix of guilt and satisfaction twisted deep in her stomach at the resulting wince, at the shame that crept up on Melanie's face.

She ought to feel ashamed.

"Why are you here?" Heidi asked, taking a tentative step forward.

Melanie leaned into her space, almost like she didn't realize she was doing it, as though the action was completely out of her control. Once upon a time, Melanie might have believed it was.

"Because I missed–"

Heidi cut her off with a vicious, somewhat hysterical laugh. "You don't get to just say you missed me when you went back to your ex-wife"

"You're scared of feeling anything, so you push me away."Melanie hated the way her voice cracked, the way her vision blurred over. She took a deep, shaky breath, pinching the bridge of her nose."And know you are married to a man. Forgive me for being the one to point this out but I feel like someone needs to state the obvious here — you're lesbian "

"What's your point?" Heidi asked tiredly.

"My point is that maybe I'm not the one whose disappointment you need to worry about."

Heidi shook her head again. "I'm not disappointed in myself if that's what you're implying."

Melanie couldn't quite contain her skepticism. "Really?"

"No." Heidi didn't say it sharply, or defiantly. She said the word calmly as if she'd spent a long time thinking about it. "If anything, I'm proud of myself. Because I finally know what I want."

Melanie sneered. "You want to live a lie?"

Heidi sighed. "I want to be happy," she said simply. "I want a family. And this is my opportunity to have everything I've ever wanted."

"You could be happy with me," Melanie said softly, sighing before scrubbing a hand across her face and saying, as carefully and as non-accusatory as she could,

"But do you still love me?" Melanie asked, desperation in her voice. Then she held her breath.

Heidi's expression was unreadable. "I love you," she said, and every word was like a knife in Melanie's chest. "I've always loved you, Mel."

"Then why—"

"Because I'm choosing this. You and I—" Heidi broke off, his expression is pained. "God, Mel, if I thought it would work, I would walk away from this wedding right now, I swear to my sons. But it wouldn't. For so many reasons." Shee broke off, taking a deep, steadying breath. "So I'm choosing what I know I can make work. And I hope one day you choose what makes you happy."

"But It doesn't matter because I'm not leaving Brian." Heidi then raised her hand to stop Melanie from speaking. "Whatever arguments you've come up with won't work. I love him, and even if it's not romantic it doesn't matter. Our marriage is important.

Heidi's stomach churned at the wounded look on Melanie's face, but she folded her arms across her chest defiantly. It felt childish and petty, but to say anything more would be putting her heart out there again, and she couldn't do that.

"I am so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time," she said, giving Melanie's hand a small squeeze before letting go. "I really am."

Melanie gave a small jerk of her head, barely a nod. "As am I," she said without looking up.

"Thank you. For making me believe I deserve to be loved." Heidi said quietly, closing the door before Melanie could get another word in before she could win Heidi over with a simple look, a gesture, a word.

Heidibdrew a shuddering breath in as she slowly slid down the door, an overwhelming sense of grief taking over her, dragging her under. She could feel the tears on her face as her body shuddered with suppressed sobs.

It wasn't fair that, after all this time, Melanie Marcus still had her heart.


	16. Chapter 16

**20 years later**

The room was too crowded for Silas Zenobia Kinney-O`Neil's liking.

Her step-brother Brandon was holding on tight on her arm, as if he was afraid that she was going to run away any moment – Silas couldn't blame him, not really: she had no idea what was preventing her from leaving that place filled with people in black, chattering like it was a party and not a fucking funeral.

The young woman stared at her parent's caskets as she sat in the front row of chairs. She had to admit, her aunt Jennifer had done a really great job setting this all were outside and the weather was warm, though it didn't seem to match the mood. Her parents were dead, how could the sun be out?

_"Silas," Todd´s voice was sounding strange. Bereft of the mirth and strength it usually displayed. Silas looked up from the papers she was currently working on and looked at her step-brother. He looked crestfallen, his skin pale and his eyes shining with tears._

_"Todd, what happened?" Silas asked as she stood up and walked around the table to stand in front of the crying man._

_"I just got a call," the red-hair sobbed. "I-I-It´s mon and Brian. They had an accident."_

Silas looked around to the people who came today. No one was crying, and that made Silas want to all the more because it meant she couldn't.

_"…the car came from the side and crashed into them…"_

_"…internal bleeding…several ribs broken..."_

_"…dead on impact…"_

_"…there was nothing we could do…"_

She was not a little surprised that Mikey wasn't sobbing and clutched pathetically against his mother's chest, face a red mess. Although given that it was Michael, Silas was lucky there was even room on Brian's casket he could consider clinging to, that Michael hadn't already taken the position.

Linsday as holding Mel's hand, who might have looked a little shaken but please. And then there was Gus. Standing stricken between his two mommies and biting his lip, looking confused as though the idea of his father dead in a car crash was some riddle that needed solving. Silas felt a wave of heart-panging sympathy for him. Hr lost his father like her. Even they don't know each other as her parents with Mek and Linsday didnt take along, they never found the time to meet improper.

She spotted uncle Drew, because he was too big not to notice, uncle Emmett, who was talking with uncle Blake, both of them with red eyes and strained smiles on their faces, Molly and other associates from her parents firms talking as if it was just another Monday, even if some of them did look a little uncomfortable, as if they weren't sure they were supposed to be there.

They weren't: if you asked Silas, that funeral would have been only for Brian and Heidi Kinney-O`Neil's family and friends, no co-workers or damn neighbours allowed – Silas had stayed far away from the neighbour responsible for all that; she didn't want to hold it against her, she did realize that it was unfair, but she still preferred to not have anything to do with her.

There was also uncle Ted, standing in a corner and looking extremely sad, and hands were gripping her arms as in an attempt to hug herself, and Silas was almost temped to go to her, trying to comfort her or maybe trying to find out if she could understand her pain. Uncle Tucker was standing next to Jennifer and Todd.

A cluster of flowers surrounded Brian and Heidi's casket as well as a picture of them and there was a podium ready for the priest and whoever was going to talk.

"How are you doing?" Emmett said quietly, squeezing her hand. Silas hadn't cried for a long time last night, the alcohol making her pass out again. But he stayed and when the woman woke up and threw up, he thankfully showered, shaved and accepted the three cups of coffee he basically forced upon her.

She shrugged, keeping his gaze on the caskets. She was glad it was closed; she didn't think she'd be able to see them like they were…dead. It was bad enough looking at the picture.

"Are you gonna read the eulogy or do you want me to?"

Silas looked down at the crumpled paper shaking in her hands. She really didn't want to get up in front of everyone, especially when she was already close to breaking down. She couldn't let people see her weakness…but also, this was for them. She had to be strong for them.

"I will."

The man smiled and then went back to soothing Molly. Shee took a deep breath and pretty soon the priest got up to the podium and spoke for a few minutes before asking if anyone had some words to share. Jennifer went up, then Todd, Brandon, Mike, and then it was her. But she couldn't seem to get up. Why couldn't she move?

"Silas?" Jennifer whispered, appearing in front of her. "Are you okay? Are you sure you don't want me to read it for you?"

Silas shook her head. Shee could do this. She took a deep breath and stood up, making her way to the podium. She cleared her throat, glanced up at everyone and then down at the paper.

"Most of you know me as Silas Kinney-O`Neil . The daughter of the most narcissistc ,sassier and more likely evil couple to the whole world..."

Jennifer was smiling and Silas could hear some people chuckle around him. Molly and Todd were two of those people. Silas herself cracked a smile, but it tasted bitter, like she was forced to do it.

"My parents taught ne how to be stoic, temperamental, cunning, and pretty, yet could kill you with a glare. I swear that they're looking down on us right now, fucking an angel up the ass while they laugh at us because we're crying over them at a funeral."She paused as a couple of people chuckled at that.

"Bitch please."Todd whispered."Don't be silly. You know that there's a special place in Hell made specially for Heidi and Brian Kinney"

Silas cleared her throat again."One of ny favorite momeries is when I was 6 year old. I told Daddy one day that I liked mom's kind of music. So for my seventh birthday he took me to the symphony. It was just me and him. Mom made me dress up and said I looked really pretty. Daddy and I sat real close to the orchestra. He didn't have to tell me to be quiet, I sat and listened and I loved it. After he asked if I liked it and would I want to go again. We used to go every Christmas... "She couldn't say anymore, Silas turned to the casket and sniffed before going back to sit down. Uncle Tucker placed a hand on her knee and smiled sadly. The rest of the funeral went by quickly. The priest said a few more things before Brian and Heidi's casket was lowered into the ground. The group dispersed after that. But not Silas. She couldn't make herself move. She couldn't get her eyes off the hole that was currently being filled with dirt. It was over. Her parents was never coming back.

"Silas?" Molly said, coming up behind her. "Do you want me to take you back to your place?"

She shook her head and got up. "I need a drink." Before Molly could say anything, Silas walked away and caught a taxi, but when she got dropped off, Silas looked at the door before changing her mind.

* * *

Silas was looking herself at a mirror remembering that everyone always said that she was a perfect mix of her parents. The woman had brown hair that was wavy at the tips, and fell to her shoulders, with a simple eagle feather dangling from the side of her hair. Her eyes were a silver blue that contrasted her flawless light brown skin...she was beautiful obviously, but what was interesting was the fact that she had such a sweetheart face, yet something about her screamed "don't fuck with me".

Her parents was her word. They tought her everything she know about life.

No excuses. No apologies. No Regrets

Have so much belief in yourself, others opinions of you aren't even considered.

Kindness can be your biggest weakness, don't break your back for people that don't appreciate you.

Let them hate, just make sure they spell your name right

They made her a perfect copy of them. She was a sarcastic bitch with perfect comeback, always 100 steps ahead of everyone. She had learn to be a ruthless woman who has a calm, composed and level-headed demeanor, rarely ever losing her temper or giving into emotions.

She sat on the lumpy mattress, ignorinig the dust that rose up from the action, before curling onto her side and sobbing. She sobbed so hard she thought she might just come undone. The tremors that wracked her entire being were so violent she feared she would certinaly break in two. Something slid from under the pillow she rested her weary head on, stabbing her in the cheek. Silas slowly sat up and lifted the pillow to reveal a stack of letters from underneath. From them she recognized her mother's own hand writing. Slowly she unwound the string that bound them together. As she read the words so carefully written on the first letter her tremors subsided. She could almost hear Heidi's voice through the words. Could see him hunched up over the desk pouring his everything into them.

Dear Silas,

If you read this letter it means that I and your father have died. I don't know if I should have written your letter to tell you the truth, I don't know where to begin with this secret. I have been storing this shattered figment inside of my heart, hoping that it never existed.

Your father and I met in an age of darkness, we were different people, we were selfish and we didn't believe in love. We believed that love made you weak.

We came in each other life in a perfect timing. I was loosing myself in life and your father in love. Life and love isn't about what you gain, it's about what you give

But that was the problem.

Your father and I were the same. We were broken and abandoned without hope. People used to say about us that we are uncaring and amoral nature but all this is bullshit:It was just our walls.

Walls that were destroyed without understanding it.

Your first love of your father was Justin Taylor. Yes. Your cousin was the boy who destroyed Brian Kinney. They met outside of Babylon and Justin fall in love without knowing the concequenses. The pain. The heartbreaking. The tears.

Your father pushed Justin away because of his fear for love and care. After 3 years that we moved to New York, your aunt Jennifer informed us about Justin`s wedding. Your cousin father left your father with a broken heart and came back home with me empty inside. My Brian was gone, lost in the haze of broken memories and shattered feelings.

I can no more describe how Brian was after the wedding. It was rather ironic to see Brian admit his feelings to me about Justin.

It was your birth did I see even a ghost of that beautiful sparkle held in those eyes of his. He was ecstatic that you inherited Justin's eyes!

We never regretted having you. You were a gift for us. You are the only thing of love that blossomed between your father and I, and for me, that was my fondest wish from then on. I thank you with all my heart. I still can remember when you were crying when they laid you in my arms, you wouldn't stop, but then I took your small hand and whispered, "Little girl, don't cry. I love you." You quieted instantly my little angel and stared at me with you big, big blue eyes as if you were asking, "Will you always love me?" I will, baby, I'll always love you, you're the light of my life, the center of my universe, you're my everything.

We'll all love you, your Daddy; that incredibly proud man that looks at you with tears in his beautiful eyes; me; your Mommy, you're Uncle Tucker, your Auntie Jennifer, your brothers and cousins . You can always count on us, little girl, we'll hold your hand; we'll protect you, so close your eyes and sleep.

Maybe we won't always be there, little girl, but your Todd and Brandon would sooner destroy the world then let you feel pain. I don't feel strong enough to live as long as I'd want, little girl, I fear I won't have my biggest wish, to see you grow up, but maybe the gods will have mercy and grant us a bit of happiness...

I love you, little girl, don't cry...

Love your mother Heidi Kinney-O`Neil.

Silas's voice broke over her liege's name, her throat too constricted to speak further.

Silas let the letter slowly float toward the floor as she simply let go. It was a refreshing action, letting go of the blame she'd held since that night.

She already knew about Justin and her father. She was not stupid. She have been knowing that the marriage of her parents has not based on love but on respect for each other. Brian did love Heidi, but it's nothing compared to the feelings he had for Justin.

Maybe in another life they would have been together; maybe they would have had their happy ever after. Maybe they would have had a couple of kids and a white picket fence with annoying neighbors that asked for sugar constantly. Sadly, this isn't the other life. This life they have strayed away from each other and only watched from far away.

Forget Romeo and Juliet

Forget Jack and Rose

Forget Frodo and Sam

Forget Buffy and Angel

Nothing Nothing will ever be as tragically ,beautifully, heartbreaking as Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor.

* * *

A comment, please!


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